Husband is against seeking help...

[rolenta]

I've had a history of depression/anxiety/self-mutilation, and now that I have a baby it's gotten pretty bad and I'm scared I might go over the edge and hurt my baby (I think about it, even though I don't want to do it) but when I told my husband I was going to seek help, he became extremely angry and told me to grow up and said he refused to talk to me about it because I just needed to learn to "deal with it" and he said if I don't want to hurt myself or my baby, then I won't do it...
Ugh...
So now I'm wondering what I should do... if I go for help it'll compound issues with my husband, but who knows what'll happen if I do nothing. Is there any free and confidental resource available in Canada? Thanks

[gilnikche]

Sounds like your hubby is in severe denial. Does he really know anything about depression/anxiety? I found a resource for you to check out:

Postpartum Support international

Alberta Coordinator: Cathy Harlan

Email: [e-mail]


Do you think that he will be willing to read up on this? Here is a great site for dads:


https://home.comcast.net/~ddklinker/mysite2/Welcome_page.htm

[Igraine]

Husband is against seeking help...

Please check the references sited above.

This is extremely serious. Your husband's denial has to be secondary to your safety and your babies.

I had a serious case that included some OCD that really scared me with my first baby. I was very lucky to have two friends who also had babies at the same time and pretty much saved my butt. I do wish I would have gone to the doctor in hindsight.

I am also a licensed clinical social worker and with your history it is even more important that you reach out. Your husband's lack of support will make things worse. Support is what you need right now. Please, please reach out to a local support group where you can have face to face support.

Best wishes to you. If you would like to talk more about your experience please do not hesitate to email me. OK!?

[coco4cloth]

Originally Posted by rolenta

I've had a history of depression/anxiety/self-mutilation, and now that I have a baby it's gotten pretty bad and I'm scared I might go over the edge and hurt my baby (I think about it, even though I don't want to do it) but when I told my husband I was going to seek help, he became extremely angry and told me to grow up and said he refused to talk to me about it because I just needed to learn to "deal with it" and he said if I don't want to hurt myself or my baby, then I won't do it...
Ugh...
So now I'm wondering what I should do... if I go for help it'll compound issues with my husband, but who knows what'll happen if I do nothing. Is there any free and confidental resource available in Canada? Thanks

Oh mama! I am going through something like this now. I had a really bad night and am calling the doctor this morning. I am dealing with the feeling like I could hurt my baby. I am in tears writing this because that is sooooo out of character. I thought I was going crazy last night. Luckly, I called my mom and she came over asap. You have to have to have to find some support! I could write on and on. If you need to pm me!

[Je'anna L C]

couples session

Can you talk him into going with you to social worker or counsellor who deals with PND, together, to "get a professional opinion" on "whether you need" to seek help?

Please don't try to do this on your own.

Is there a counselling telephone line in your country where you can call for a chat in the meantime?

love to you

[newcastlemama]

Everyone's safety and health has to come first. I agree your husband is in denial and does not understand how badly you are hurting.
Get as much support as you can right now-couselors, family, friednds, pastors -everything you have avilable.

I am praying your husband will join you.
Jennifer s

[Irish_Blue]

Oh I just can't imagine how hard that must be. I went through something similar and just now at 4 months pp I'm starting to pull my head out of it ~ I want to ditto what the others have said, please seek help! {{hugs}}

[rolenta]

Umm, so today I feel fine, so should I still seek help even if I only feel that way sometimes?

[eightyferrettoes]

Originally Posted by rolenta

Umm, so today I feel fine, so should I still seek help even if I only feel that way sometimes?

boy, you know, I would. I didn't get any help with my son, because I have this internalized aversion to getting help of ANY kind : and I think it really negatively impacted my relationship with my son-- the effects from which I believe continues even to this day.

When my next baby comes, I will be quicker to talk to someone if need be. I know the scariness of those feelings better than I'd like to admit.

:

Your DH will get over it. Maybe HE needs help, too, and doesn't want to admit it to himself!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

My dh was in denial about how bad i was as well with my dd but my mom finally talked to him and he realized that I needed help. Your childs safety is more important that your dh's feeling IMO I would definatly be going to get some help. You hear stories about mom's who end up hurting there children because of PPD I truly beleive that if they had the help they needed it wouldnt have happened. I was terrified I would end up hurting dd and not knowing it until after it happened. Knowing how ppd works this is very possible. You are the one that will have to live with the after effects if something happens. Take care and do what you know in your heart is the right thing.

[MountainLaurel]

Originally Posted by rolenta

I've had a history of depression/anxiety/self-mutilation, and now that I have a baby it's gotten pretty bad and I'm scared I might go over the edge and hurt my baby (I think about it, even though I don't want to do it) but when I told my husband I was going to seek help, he became extremely angry and told me to grow up and said he refused to talk to me about it because I just needed to learn to "deal with it" and he said if I don't want to hurt myself or my baby, then I won't do it...
Ugh...
So now I'm wondering what I should do... if I go for help it'll compound issues with my husband, but who knows what'll happen if I do nothing. Is there any free and confidental resource available in Canada? Thanks

Your first priority is to yourself and to your child. Mental illness isn't something you can just grow up and deal with. Get treatment. Fuck what he says. He's not the one suffering.

[rolenta]

Thanks for the support. I packed up one morning to leave for the hospital (I thought I was getting that bad) and simply asked my husband if he wanted to watch the baby for me or if I should take him with me. At any rate, he got furious and wouldn't let me go. That was one tough day, but a few days later, my brother-in-law and he got into a fight and I'm not sure what was said, but ever since then, DH has been very very very nice and has said that he feels his treatment of me was abusive and he's going to do everthing he can to change and be better. So far he's been just great. He also came clean on a few things he was hiding from me (nothing too bad, don't worry) and we've been working through both of our problems together. Feels great to be part of a team again, not just always trying to have to deal with him like another problem.

Whew! Thanks so much for the support, ladies. I have a doctor's appointment and will get help soon.

[newcastlemama]

Good for you....I am so glad things seems to be getting better.

[Gale Force]

Thank goodness for your brother-in-law. People who have suffered from depression know what it's like, people who haven't don't usually have any idea. It's good that one can educate the other here.

rolenta -- things are better, but you need to keep focusing on the basics. Get as much sleep as possible and eat well. You are likely to have another crash, only because that's just how it tends to work. It will be less bad if you have a little more sleep under your belt.

Good luck with the doctor.

[GooeyRN]

Im glad things are getting better. I think some of the ladies on here gave excellent advice. Please, get a support person (a close friend, your mom, a neighbor, preferably someone who is also a mom but anyone would would be willing to do the job) that you can trust and explain the situation to them. Call them to watch the baby for you for an hour or so when you start having bad thoughts. That way, you wont do anything you regret, and it will give you a little time to call off. I hope things continue to improve.