Help Re: The Pearls - Page 2

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Originally Posted by Storm Bride

That one just makes me want to cry. DS2 sometimes starts to nurse with something in his mouth (a Cheerio or some such), and I don't notice it. Every time he does that, he nips me because he's trying to nurse and eat at the same time. I cannot even begin to imagine what goes through someone's head to make them think that this confusion (between nursing and eating) deserves hair-pulling. These people truly scare me.

The "an alternative for babies without hair is is being worked out" part was what made me stop and really honestly want to cry. What are they going to do, slap a newborn in the face?

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Neoma

The "an alternative for babies without hair is is being worked out" part was what made me stop and really honestly want to cry. What are they going to do, slap a newborn in the face?

...with plumbing supply lines...

[taterbug1999]

I had not heard of the Pearl's until a few months ago, but I must scream out loud there is NOTHING CHRISTIAN about there ideals. They are sick demented abusive ideas and I want to run and scream it to everyone. Oh I want to VOMIT when I think if the sweet innocent loves being taught to believe that there is a god out there that would advocate torture and abuse of the mos innocent of creatures. I am ashamed that these people place themselves into my religious family. I hope for anyone reading this that is questioning christianity or religion in general, that these people are not what we are about. I am a christian and I am about love and kindness. I DO NOT put my hands on my children!!! ( unless I'm lovin' on 'em! ) UGGGHHHH!!!!! I think I'm gonna be sick... I wish there was someway to shut them down for good... you would think CPS or the police or something would go after them....

[TanyaS]

A gentle alternative to books such as the Pearls' is Grace-Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel. He is respected in the Christian community and seems to be the opposite of Dobson and the like. I really enjoyed reading this book, and it would make an excellent replacement for the basis of a class at a church. There is even a section where he discounts "people" who have written books like the Pearls, but never names names. It's focus is on building a foundation of grace and how it is not advocating being a "jellyfish" parent as is so often feared in the Christian community.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by cfiddlinmama

Please help me out here. In our community there are several people who are big proponents of To Train Up A Child. They pass out the book, recommend the book, and there was even a class given to a group of women based on the the premises in the book. I just found out that it is even being recommended in the publications and classes from the Religious.

Just my opinion, but I think that you need to go further than simply giving out other information. You take this up with the church. From your signature, I'm assuming you're a practicing Catholic. That makes your "job" a bit easier in that there is a church hierarchy that can do things. Take the information about the Pearls to your priest -- the church has had enough scandals with abuse (of another sort) that they should run in terror from these people.

If the church sponsors WORKSHOPS on this book : they are laying themselves open for all sorts of liability. I would make the abusive nature of the Pearls AND the church's responsibility crystal clear to anyone and everyone, starting with the deacons, priests and bishops.

If anyone in my church ever recommends the Pearls, I am sooo mounting a campaign...

[faithnj]

OP, great job for choosing to stand up to that kind of ridiculous parenting advice!!!!

Perhaps you could supply some of the counter-Pearl information to the group leader or church clergy ahead of time, so that they might come to reconsider teaching Pearl in the first place? They might switch to the GD Christian parenting guides if you let them know they exist. Certainly, there are a LOT of good questions, objections and thoughts raised in this thread. Some people are just so afraid of raising bad kids, they'll do anything suggested to them, except think and reason all this out for themselves. And because of that, the group leader may not be a bad person per se, just someone who hadn't realized there was an alternative, or isn't in the habit of thinking and questioning the ideas others provide. (Then again, the person might be evil incarnate. There really are a lot of purposefully abusive people out there, and I lived with one of 'em. Only you'll be able to get an idea of where they are coming from when you meet them irl.)

Faith

[cfiddlinmama]

I just want to thank you all again for your thoughtful responses. We'll see how this goes. Like pp said, they probably won't like me, but they'll get what's coming to them. I genuinely think that the Religious haven't looked into it that much. Their religious beliefs are very different from ours and I would be amazed if they would still recommend the books after looking into it. Still, if your going to recommend something, you should look into it. Thanks, you've really helped me in my research. Ciao!

[newcastlemama]

I was so comfused on this topic as a new mom (and a Christian)...I always felt like people who were Chrisians longer somehow knew better on this, but something did not feel right in my heart. I was even given a book about only giving an infant water at night (IMO starving the baby) so it could not "control" you!!!: I gave that back to MIL!!!!

I think that sharing GD concepts from a Christian perspective is a great idea...reading about how the rod is a guide for the shepard not a whipping stick really helped me understand how I believe God wants us to treat our kids and others--with love.

Blessings,
Jennifer

[aira]

Originally Posted by taterbug1999

I wish there was someway to shut them down for good... you would think CPS or the police or something would go after them....

This is purely out of my memory (and it's not that sharp these days), but I believe that these child abusers were extra haughty after having been investigated by child services and no charges made.

IIRC, it was b/c there was just nothing that could stick. The pearls are experts at manipulating the system and doing the sickest things while staying beyond legal reproach.

They spun this as vindication of their "Godly" advice and hold it as proof of their divine inspiration. What was the term debi gave to those of us mothers who dare disagree with her... ?? Something stupid like, mean women or something. (Told ya, the memory's gone.)

As much as the actual childrearing advice makes me vomit, the gloating about getting away with it is somehow more sickening. Maybe b/c it takes away hope of trowing them in jail forever. Maybe just they cavalier attitude with which they spread sick sick sick abuse. Sub-human.


.

[annettemarie]

I also think it is very important to note that the so-called "rod" verses are found in the book of Proverbs. The book of Proverbs is not written as a parenting manual. Rather, it was written to a "young man" to instruct him on upright living, sexuality, marriage, the pitfalls of gambling, promiscuity, and other very grown-up topics. The only time the Hebrew na'ar is translated as "child" and not "young man" in this book is the rod verses. That makes no sense to me.

[may05mommy]

As I understand it, the Pearls actually have information in their book on what to do if DSS calls on you for using their methods.

To which I can only say, HUH? How can people not know that this is wrong if they have to be given advice on how to avoid DSS? Of course I suppose that the Pearls would say that DSS is somehow satanic and are trying to keep people from following God's will.

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me." That wasn't half a sentence, with the other half being, "...so I can beat them with plumbing line."

I've only looked at info from their site once, and I cried and nearly threw up. I pray for the poor children who are subjected to this abuse. I think this is a case of "even Satan can quote scripture to suit his purposes."

My sister has a friend who used Ezzo because it was recommended by her church. She put her breastfed son on a strict three-hour feeding schedule. Long story short, he was diagnosed with failure to thrive at his four-month checkup after having only gained a couple of ounces between two and four months. My sister, who originally backed up her friend's use of Babywise, took one look at her fed-on-demand nephew and said, "Oh my God..." then added that her friend really needed to see him. She said her friend's son was "the skinniest baby I've ever seen in my life."