Upset...and don't know what to do...

[Mrs_Hos]

cross posted in breastfeeding forum...I'm so torn up over this...

Well, I am very pro-bfing of course, but my SIL just had her first baby and even tho' I sent her everything I had on the PROs of bfing, she chose not to...
WELL...that wouldn't be so bad...but...here are the issues:
She didn't even try to give colostrum on day one (...or two...or three)
Baby was spitting up a lot, so Dr put him on Prevacid (WTF?)
Dr (supposedly) told them to put a tablespoon of cereal in the bottle to 'ease his stomach ache' ( I suspect MIL told her to do this...)
He won't poop now, so they are giving prune juice
They are looking into a ilieactic hernia (or whatever the upper stomach hernia is...)
...AND...
The baby is only 2 wks old...

I am so sad about this that it is affecting my sleep--I close my eyes and worry about her baby... My husband (her brother) has had surgery to repair the upper stomach spinter muscle that may have been caused by starting solids at day 2 of his life...formula/cereal bottle and then other solids within the first weeks of life...and his mom and sister KNOW THAT, yet they are insisting on cereal in this new baby's bottle etc!
I just can't get over the ignorance in some people...and I am feeling so bad for this baby.
Oh...and of course they CAN'T lay him down since he will cry....well no S@*T people, he HURTS!

Ok...WWYD? I want to call my SIL, but I can't be a 'good friend' right now and try and ease her mommy guilt, I actually wanna SCREAM "What are you DOING!!!"
My other SIL actually told me that she (my sil with the new baby) said "If bfing would help him I would try that!" : (since her mommy guilt is getting to her I guess) Baby is almost 3 wks now...and even though I know she 'could' nurse, I just know she won't want to put forth the effort to really get it started at this late date...and that is IF the baby would even latch on! Poor baby.

[biba]

So sorry to hear it

Some people hate to be told what to do with their baby and being told can make them even more determined to do it their way.
I am sorry that she has missed the important coloestrum. It's only with kittens, but i have found that if they don't get it then they are really likely to die, even if they are hand reared. The colostrum is really important. I don't know why she couldn't have at least done those first few feeds. I wonder if she will bond very well to her baby.
I sympathise. You have done what you can. I just was reading yesterday about the magic that happens when you let go, and that has certainly been true in my own life. The really hard thing though is letting go, because it seems that you can't command yourself to do that. i can't any way. But especiially with one thing, when I gave it away i got it. But somethings have mattered so much to me that even though i knew i should let go of the outcome I couldn't.
one way of getting myself to let go was to mentally think well it is not really mine. I can give it away.
It's funny that things in families often repeat, like you just mentioned. On the other hand it might all turn out ok. I know a lovely man and he was born premature and kept in a tent, so I suppose that he would not have been breastfed but i don't know. And your husband although brought into the world like that must have turned out ok or you would not have married him!

[boscopup]

Originally Posted by Mrs_Hos

Baby was spitting up a lot, so Dr put him on Prevacid (WTF?)
Dr (supposedly) told them to put a tablespoon of cereal in the bottle to 'ease his stomach ache' ( I suspect MIL told her to do this...)

This sounds like typical treatment for reflux. My son took Zantac, and later Prevacid, to treat reflux. It helped greatly with the pain. My doctor also suggested cereal in a bottle, but since I was breastfeeding and I read up on the cereal thing and found that thickening the feed doesn't necessarily help anything, I chose not to. It *is* commonly recommended by doctors though, so yes it probably was the doctor who suggested it, not MIL. My son was a preemie, and reflux is very common in preemies, but it happens in full term babies too. Although from what I had read, the pain of reflux doesn't usually start until closer to 4 weeks, when the esophagus starts getting signs of damage. So I dunno. Spitting up alone is not a reason for diagnosis of reflux, but pain while laying down is definitely a good sign of it. My DS couldn't lay down either, until the meds kicked in and healed his esophagus. Before that, we had to sleep in the recliner with him on my chest, so he was somewhat upright and also on his tummy (better position for reflux).

I'm sorry your SIL chose not to breastfeed. It really tears at your heart when someone doesn't even try it, but there's not much you can do.

[gen_here]

I'm so sorry you're going through this! (Well, the baby more than you, but you know what I mean). This is the exact reason why I don't have anything to do with my cousins when it comes to child-rearing. We send our happy little birthday/Christmas cards with photos of the kids, and that's it. The first-born little cousin (to my middle cousin) was breastfed for a couple weeks at most - she felt her boobs were too big. Second-born (to the oldest) didn't even get that long - her sister's boobs were too big, that must be the same reason for her. Third (to middle again) never got a drop of breastmilk and 4th (to youngest) didn't either - because her sisters couldn't breastfeed, so she wasn't going to try.

Oh... did I mention that their mom died almost 8 years ago... from breast cancer? Middle said, "My mom breastfed all three of us for quite awhile - and she still died of breast cancer. So that obviously isn't true that breastfeeding will prevent breast cancer." That's right - one (very sad, don't get me wrong) case disproves years and years of research.

Lets see... little cousins 1, 2, and 4 all have horrible allergies/asthma. All were fully vaxed, too, and 1 and 2 have autism at different points on the spectrum.

But, I'm the freak of the family =) So, I kinda understand what's going on for you... and I'm really sorry. It hurts so much, especially when a new baby is added to the mix and you know the baby deserves so much better. I don't have any advice - I just stopped talking about baby care with them at all. But I do see how it would be hard to "play nice" right now.

[midwestmeg]

Originally Posted by gen_here

But, I'm the freak of the family =) So, I kinda understand what's going on for you... and I'm really sorry. It hurts so much, especially when a new baby is added to the mix and you know the baby deserves so much better. I don't have any advice - I just stopped talking about baby care with them at all. But I do see how it would be hard to "play nice" right now.

Hey, this is me too!!! Glad we've all found each other!

to you, Mrs. Hos. I know exactly how you feel. I always try to be 'respectful' but it is SO HARD when the issue hits your gut. And stuff like that goes right for it. My SIL circ'd and it drove me up a WALL! I had a much bigger reaction than I thought I would.

I'm glad you can vent here.... I so understand where you are at. How sad and frustrating.

[Caroline P]

I hear how upset you are. I really do agree with you. Unfortunately you can't make someone do something you want. She has made her choice and while I can see you don't agree, you have to respect her choice to raise her child her way. If someone tried to tell you how to raise yours, I'm sure your back would go up. Don't get me wrong, I'm PRO bfding and can't WAIT to do it myself but I can't push my opinion on others. I, like you, would send people all the info and wonderful benefits info out there but after that you need to step back and respect their choices. Sorry. I can understand how upset you'd be though, you have a right to that feeling.

[Mrs_Hos]

Thank you mommas!
Yes, you are right...I know that it is her choice and not really any of my business what she chooses to do with her sweet boy. I think I may feel a bit let down in myself as well...ya know I USED to be a leader--a type A personality--and I prided myself in getting people to do things they didn't think they wanted to do (and having them think it was THEIR idea in the first place) so I wonder if I'm losing my 'edge!' hahahaha
No, I won't push at all, in fact, I will commiserate with her... and I will work hard to help her thru the mommy guilt that she must be feeling. I just don't think I can do it right now...I am too emotional with my pg I think! I don't want to offend her--or worse, hurt her--when I feel so strongly and have these hormones! heehee
I am so glad to have you guys here to vent to...and thank you for your support!
OH...and I had NO IDEA that prevacid was that widely used in babies...NOR did I know that cereal in a bottle is EVER used for any reason! So thank you boscopup for clearing that up for me....I learn something new EVERY DAY!
At least I can feel like she is not just going with the 'old school' hahaha

Bottom line...I truly hope she tries to nurse next time...
Thanks!!