I don't like the book birthing from within-who else?

[huggerwocky]

Slightly fluffy, but really, this book so rubs me in the wrong way. Do I know shamefully have to retreat from mothering : ?

or maybe is there someone else feeling the same?

[phoebemommy]

You know, I liked it because I started reading it at a time when I was in need of reassurance, but by the time I got to the end I found some of it kind of out there. Bringing a crock pot of herbs to the hospital, for example. And wasn't there something about acting out a labor in class, like so and so is the baby and so and so is the uterus? I couldn't help but wonder how goofy I'd feel if I was taking that class.

[Drummer's Wife]

I didn't love it. I liked it okay but I'm not into all the artsy stuff she recommends doing though maybe i would've had my vba2c if I had done the exercises I just couldn't get into it though I enjoyed some of the labor stories.

[BelgianSheepDog]

You're not alone. It bothered me too. There are some good ideas in there, but the overall tone just grated on me. This attitude of total "mind over matter," visualize your way through any problem, the pain's all just an illusion...whatever. It takes the attitude of teaching you to be so serene you don't feel pain, or don't mind it, or whatever. What I needed, it turned out, was just to know that I was tough, strong enough to withstand the pain. I can't be the only woman who works that way. Serene, shmerene, I wish the natural birth community could acknowledge that sometimes you do everything "right" and it still hurts like !@#$.

[milk_maker]

Yeah, it was too art-based for me to relate. I never got through it.

[huggerwocky]

Originally Posted by phoebemommy

I couldn't help but wonder how goofy I'd feel if I was taking that class.

That was the funny part

I also easily skipped the art pages.

But I'm really bothered when it said that one should worry and if you're overconfident you'll be in for a surprise. I don't like the notion that fear must be part of childbirth and one can think too positively.

[huggerwocky]

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog

You're not alone. It bothered me too. There are some good ideas in there, but the overall tone just grated on me. This attitude of total "mind over matter," visualize your way through any problem, the pain's all just an illusion...whatever. It takes the attitude of teaching you to be so serene you don't feel pain, or don't mind it, or whatever. What I needed, it turned out, was just to know that I was tough, strong enough to withstand the pain. I can't be the only woman who works that way. Serene, shmerene, I wish the natural birth community could acknowledge that sometimes you do everything "right" and it still hurts like !@#$.

True. I truly believe it is possible to give birth without the extensive preparation the book suggests but it doesn't leave any room for : you might be the kind that can do without. Quite honestly, I have more confidence in my husband's hip squeeze helping me.

[phoebemommy]

Originally Posted by huggerwocky

But I'm really bothered when it said that one should worry and if you're overconfident you'll be in for a surprise. I don't like the notion that fear must be part of childbirth and one can think too positively.

This was a part I did relate to... probably because I took hypnobirthing and the idea there was that positive visualization WILL create a positive outcome. It's an idea I like in theory, but I was having trouble making sense of why I couldn't stop thinking through all the details of a hospital transfer, a c-section, etc. My dh didn't want me to talk about it, just think happy thoughts, and I thought I was being a compulsive worrier or something. But then just reading that "worry is the work of pregnancy" somehow tweaked my brain... I was able to visualize myself calmly accepting an emergency intervention, and also visualizing dh and my midwives shielding me from an attack by people in scrubs. So oddly, being free to worry somehow led me back to thinking positive.

Guess it was one of those things I needed right at the moment I read it!

[GalateaDunkel]

I do think there is such a thing as being too optimistic, especially for first time mothers.

I feel that being seriously surprised by the level of pain seriously affected my ability to deal with it. And I was surprised because I had absorbed huge amounts of mind over matter literature, stuff about how most discomfort is due to interventions, etc. I actually feel that I was deceived.

[Swirly]

I could not get past the art stuff

[eleven]

I didn't like it, either. Even though it said that worry was the work of pregnancy, it said elsewhere not to worry too much because that will make what you're worrying about happen. So should I worry or not?

Oh and painting and clay? Not a chance.

[BelgianSheepDog]

Originally Posted by pease

IEven though it said that worry was the work of pregnancy, it said elsewhere not to worry too much because that will make what you're worrying about happen. So should I worry or not?

Seriously, plus, didn't she ever watch Mr. Rodgers? He says you can't make scary things happen just by thinking about them.

[Mama Poot]

I dislike any book, class, train of thought that claims it can help me "birth better" or "more calmly". I am very vocal and violent when I'm in labor, and that ain't gonna change. : No amount of incense, meditation, psychadelic hooey is going to help my pain. I REALLY wish this whole attitude of "women should be peaceful and quiet" during labor would die. Its almost like if you don't have some kind of zen birth that you did something wrong. F*** that. :

[ZeldasMom]

Originally Posted by Mama Poot

I dislike any book, class, train of thought that claims it can help me "birth better" or "more calmly". I am very vocal and violent when I'm in labor, and that ain't gonna change. : No amount of incense, meditation, psychadelic hooey is going to help my pain. I REALLY wish this whole attitude of "women should be peaceful and quiet" during labor would die. Its almost like if you don't have some kind of zen birth that you did something wrong. F*** that. :

That's not the message I took away from that book at all. ITA about not liking books that are too perscriptive. I liked BFW because to me it was more about looking within yourself to find the way of birthing that is right for you rather than conforming to someone else's idea of what birth should be like.

When it comes to resources to help with birthing, I am not into SHOULDS, as in "you should/must read this book." I am for going with the resources that speak to you, and not worrying about the ones that don't.

I know other people who don't like BFW. My midwife is one person who told me it didn't speak to her. While I liked BFW, I didn't get into Bradley (didn't like their relaxation techniques) or the Henci Goer book (too scarey). I kind of think a lot of what appeals to you is determined by your learning style. I think more left-brained, analytic people might really like Henci Goer and more right-brained people might like Pam England, for example. I also think the Bradley materials are kind of visually-oriented, and I am more of a kinesthetic person, which may be why I didn't find them that helpful (I am talking about the language that is used in the relaxation exercises).

[time4another]

I didn't like it either. I found it hard to get into because it was too "out there" for me. While I agree that our experiences help make us who we are and shape how we will react in certain situations, I don't really have much of an 'artsy' side and am much more scientific (My degree is in Biology and I was a "lab rat" for 10 years). Knowing what my body is really doing and how to relax my body to allow it to do that work is what helps me the most. Which is why my favorite birth books are Ina May's "Guide to Childbirth" and the Sears Birth Book. I dunno, I guess if I need a reason for things...Cause and effect work much better with me than that fru fru stuff.

The way I look at childbirth and how to help my body do what it needs to better, is the same way I look at achieving physical goals when not pregnant as well. When not pregnant I love to run for excercise, and I notice that the more tense I am when I run the harder it is, the more I relax (especially my mouth and shoulders) the easier it is to breathe and the longer and faster I can run. Same thing with giving birth, the more I relax my body as a whole, the easier it is. Now that I understand that cause and effect relationship and the "letting go" part there is no fighing myself or my body. I wasn't able to "get" that from BFW..

Heather

[ChristyMarie]

I couldn't relate to about 75% of what was in the book. But I'm glad I read it as I did find some things that I could relate to. The best thing for me was the suggestion of the poster on the hospital door - loved that and ended up making one - on my computer, not very artsy.

But yeah, I couldn't get into the art at all.

[eco_mama]

Originally Posted by ZeldasMom

That's not the message I took away from that book at all. ITA about not liking books that are too perscriptive. I liked BFW because to me it was more about looking within yourself to find the way of birthing that is right for you rather than conforming to someone else's idea of what birth should be like.

Same Here.

[BetsyS]

I really liked this book.

I liked the worry part...the thinking through all the stuff that could happen and how you would deal with that. For me, I really don't want a section, but for odd reasons (I don't want people looking at my guts), so it was helpful to think through an entire scenario of what would happen IF I did need a section. I walked away calmer, which I like.

[Samjm]

That's not the message I took away from that book at all. ITA about not liking books that are too perscriptive. I liked BFW because to me it was more about looking within yourself to find the way of birthing that is right for you rather than conforming to someone else's idea of what birth should be like.

I agree 100%. The idea that women do know how to give birth, and you need to listen to your own body to figure out how you need to do it. If that means screaming and shouting - go for it. If it means deep meditative concentration, then go for it.

Our birthing class was based on this book and we loved it. we did do the art stuff in class (but I'm artsy anyway), and it was very cool indeed. We had an excercise where we all had to draw how we pictured our birth would be. DH and I had almost identical pictures (we didn't see each other's picture before we were done with the exercise).

I stuck the art from the class up in the delivery room. It was a fantastic focal point for me and helped me remember some of what had come up in the class.

[Belle]

I didn't really like it either. I had to read it for my doula training and I didn't really find much practical information in there. We did some birth art in my doula class too and I couldn't get into it. I really didn't see how it was useful.