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atheist/agnostic tribe - Page 28

post #541 of 698
I greatly appreciate the responses, and to be honest, if it were just a matter of putting some folks' mind at rest then it might not be such an issue, but I personally feel very strongly opposed to the practice, and my husband just thinks it is plain old silliness, most of the issue boils down to the fact that we are the parents and should be able to decide this, decide to let our child make their own choice later, not choose for them something that we ourselves didn't even choose. I agree wholeheartedly that it does seem a bit wrong to say in a church in front of a host believers that a child will be taught and raised a certain way only to leave and pretend we didn't just do that. It feels to me like it wouldn't just be lying to a congregation and to family but also to ourselves and to the child (despite the fact that they'd be too young to know any better). I wish there was a way of making it make sense to the family that wants it why exactly we don't, among other things that I refuse to believe that my child is born in sin, it just doesn't sit well with me. I guess explaining that it would just be a lie might be the best course of action at this point. Thanks for the input!
post #542 of 698
Thankfully my family is not religious. I can't imagine what my response would be if they wanted to use my child as a prop in a religious ceremony. It wouldn't be pretty, that's for sure.

For us, a parallel is diet. We are vegetarians, and we are raising DD vegetarian. My own sister thinks that we are wrong to do that, and has joked about sneaking DD meat. For that reason, they simply won't be left alone together. It's sad, but that's how it's got to be. The rest of the family understands this very well, and though they may disagree with our choices they put their feelings aside because they know that our approval is necessary for them to have a continued relationship with DD.
post #543 of 698
I think I'll join this thread, if I can keep up with the posts!
I've been an atheist as long as I can remember. My husband won't label himself, but he doesn't believe in God or anything of the sort, either.
We currently live in the southeast on a military base, so you can imagine that we are surrounded by deeply religious people. I'm planning to homeschool, but there isn't a single homeschool group here that isn't religious based. Very frustrating. We'll be leaving the military in about a year, though, so hopefully, we can find a place to live that more suits our needs.
Not much else to add, but hopefully, I can join in the discussion as the thread progresses.
post #544 of 698
I'd love to join in too. My husband and I are both athiests living in the south. Our families don't accept the fact that we don't believe in god and frequently refer to it as a "stage" we're going through. We are looking at some couples counseling right now because infertility and loss has had a drastic effect on our relationship but we're really struggling to find someone that won't be giving us bible verses along with their advice. We don't really have very many friends in this area and the ones we do have are very, very religious so they just figure we struggle with conceiving and coping because we lack faith in our relationship. I just can't wait to move to a more diverse area. We were very, very, very excited to see billboards going up that say "Are you good without God? Millions are." and we are hoping to try and get involved with the freethinkers organization in the area.

Do any of you ladies find a sense of community through non-faith based groups?
post #545 of 698
Re: baptism

I looked into it when I was preggers with #1, because I thought my grandmother would have a fit if he was not baptized. In the Catholic church at least, it's not even an option if the guardians are not memebers of the church. So, no worries about a forced baptism, at least with that faith. Now, some priest might bless the baby - but as far as real vows - nope.

Most of the people I chatted with were nasty, horrified that I was (very) lapsed. But one guy was actually quite nice, and told me that if my family was truly worried then to just refer to some papal letter or something (feel free to google) that specifically states that unbaptized babies are just fine and won't go to hell just because their parent's dropped the ball. I did just that with my grandma, and if she's still bothered I have not heard about it.
post #546 of 698
Hi Rochelle.

I am also (temporarily, thank goodness) in South. I am in a local freethinker's organization, and it's nice to get the emails now & then, but I've never met them IRL. In addition to being atheist, I'm also very AP, hugely liberal, strictly vegetarian, and a little bit punk rock. Oh, and I'm a huge nerd. I've made a few good friends, but for the most part I've just given up hope of finding a community of like-minded people. Plus, from the emails I read, it seems like the freethinker's group is mostly older men...which is fine, but not really what I'm looking for.
post #547 of 698
I would love to join this group! My husband and I are atheist. he is in the Air Force adn right now, we are stationed in Texas, in a city that ranks no.2 in the country for the most churches per capita! We tried to make friends with a few of his co-workers who have kids, but the inevitable "where do you go to church?" question comes up, and then they look at us like we're aliens. Can't wait until we move!
post #548 of 698
Hi, nice to meet everyone! I am agnostic, my husband is an "extremely bad Catholic" with quite agnostic tendencies, and my 10 Y/O daughter is a "straight up athiest" according to her. LOL! Haven't read through the whole thread but I'm hoping the religious crowd isn't using it for debates, I'm so tired of them...
post #549 of 698
I feel for those of you in the south, we will be moving to Central Pennsylvania shortly...there is a little poem about PA, "Pittsburgh to the West, Philadelpha to the East, and Alabama in the middle" and it is so true. I started posting on a community message board in our new town as a way to get to know people, and for my efforts I've made about 50 enemies. Lesson learned - be careful who you talk about not going to church with
post #550 of 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by laurenmck View Post
Haven't read through the whole thread but I'm hoping the religious crowd isn't using it for debates, I'm so tired of them...
Oh, no, not at all. On MDC we all try to be respectful and friendly, despite our many differences of opinion.
post #551 of 698
Hi, I'm new to this thread. I'm an atheist, and always have been. I'm an active member of a Humanist association here in Norway. Norway is fairly secular, but I keep experiencing that my Christian inlaws (in spite of being loving and liberal people) treat my lifestance as just an absense of religion, as if it were a gaping hole it doesn't really matter if they put a bit of their religious traditions into.

Next year we're moving to the US, and I must admit I'm a bit worried when I read about the role religion plays in American society.
post #552 of 698
Hi She-wolf! I'm sure you'll find the religious influence here is just one of many annoying things about living in the US. Some places are much more religious than others though, and even in very religious areas you may be able to continue your activities with a humanist organization. My husband and I are living in a pretty conservative area right now, but even then we've found a good group of like-minded people to commiserate with. I try to see the rampant religiosity around here as a fascinating cultural phenomenon that keeps life interesting if nothing else.
post #553 of 698
Hi everyone! New here... I'm agnostic (spiritual but happily noncommital), and my hubby has a beautifully complicated spirituality (I like to call him a liberal closet Christian lol! He retains a fundamental spiritually while being so jaded about Christianity and organized religion, that I was convinced that he was agnostic or atheist too for the first 6 months of our relationship! lol!). We are casually ttc starting this month.

We're thinking about starting to attend a local Unitarian congregation that my friend from high school goes to...she says it is a great place to come together and learn about and respect different spiritualities, which sounds great to me. Has/does anyone else attend UU as a happy and content agnostic?
post #554 of 698
Hi All,

I'm new to MDC and a few nights ago posted about raising kids as atheists... somehow I missed this tribe or maybe it just got re-posted? Anyhow, it's really nice to see so many mamas on here!

I am in the midst of an inner debate... my DH and I are both atheist and our daughter is now 10 mos. My mom is Catholic (a eucharist minister) and she knows that we are atheist and will not be raising our daughter under any organized religion. She recently "slipped" (still not sure if it really was an accident that she told me) and told me that on the night our daughter was born, my mom baptized her.

I have been researching stuff online, trying to determine if the sacrament is actually "valid" and don't really have any solid answer yet...

The other part is, should I address this with my mom? DH pointed out (quite graciously) that it doesn't really mean anything to us and is just a prayer for her - but the thing that I am festering over is that my mom *knew* this would be against our wishes. I don't want to set a precedent by not saying anything now, and having more religion-related stuff like this come up with my daughter down the line as she gets older. (Incidentally, this kills me b/c my mom had so many issues with her own inlaws, who were Born Again, and always taking me aside and talking to me about it against her wishes. Sigh.)

Thoughts, anyone? Many thanks in advance!
post #555 of 698
Hi! I'm new to htis tribe, looking for some like minded people in all this rabble - its always nice to find!

Baby daddy identifies hardcore with atheism and I identify as strong agnostic (ie: no one will ever know so who cares). We are both worried about his parent's response to our first baby being born as she has already started talking about a christining or whatever... I don't even know what that is! Is it different from a baptism, even? Either way, it seems weird to us as they don't even go to church themselves but are fairly lazy-christian russian orthadox. As far as my side of the family, my mom seems pretty content thinking that I don't technically disbelieve therefore I'm not going to hell... lol!!

Sammymama - I wouldn't, personally, make too much of a big deal about your mom's prayer, but I would ask her never to do anything like that again. If she respects you, she will respect your choices, and if she doesn't respect you, then she doesn't deserve your respect. Honestly, though, if she is religious and prays consistently... chances are she will pray for your daughter her entire life. Prayers don't seem to harm - it is filling little one's head with statements that contradict your own that I will be worried about mostly.
post #556 of 698
I need some input from some athiest moms. I just signed my 12 year old for private music lessons. The guy is really nice but he gave us a CD so we can hear his music. It is part of a pro-life CD and it's Christian music! I didn't realize until after he was gone. This is kind of awkward for me. I don't want someone influencing my kid like that and I don't want to listen to it and don't want my kid to listen to it either. I am strongly pro-choice. It just feels very uncomfortable. I don't want to offend him. What would you do?
post #557 of 698
My 12 year old is a musician (violinist). If your kid is into classical music at all, I think you have to accept that much good classical music is going to be religious in nature. It genuinely makes me want to gag half the time, but the other half I can ignore and get into the sounds.

We have lots of conversations about why so much of the stuff she learns in her public school orchestra groups is religious in nature, mostly having to do with the reach, power and control of the catholic church. She's an atheist, too, and it bugs her, but she can understand from a historical point.

The pro-life stuff is a different ball of wax. For me it would be a non-starter. I haven't encountered it, but we'd find a different teacher ASAP. He's clearly not worried about offending you if he'd hand out such an inappropriate CD.

I might try to have a conversation and explain that you are willing to try him as an instructor providing religion and his personal beliefs never come up again, but I'd watch him like a hawk.
post #558 of 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by sammymama View Post

I am in the midst of an inner debate... my DH and I are both atheist and our daughter is now 10 mos. My mom is Catholic (a eucharist minister) and she knows that we are atheist and will not be raising our daughter under any organized religion. She recently "slipped" (still not sure if it really was an accident that she told me) and told me that on the night our daughter was born, my mom baptized her.

I have been researching stuff online, trying to determine if the sacrament is actually "valid" and don't really have any solid answer yet...

The other part is, should I address this with my mom? DH pointed out (quite graciously) that it doesn't really mean anything to us and is just a prayer for her - but the thing that I am festering over is that my mom *knew* this would be against our wishes. I don't want to set a precedent by not saying anything now, and having more religion-related stuff like this come up with my daughter down the line as she gets older. (Incidentally, this kills me b/c my mom had so many issues with her own inlaws, who were Born Again, and always taking me aside and talking to me about it against her wishes. Sigh.)

Thoughts, anyone? Many thanks in advance!
My parents are catholic and did the same thing to my child. There's no such thing as a "valid sacrament" in my book--it's all make believe, so I'm not worried that my kid is going to actually be catholic or something.

But we absolutely did address it. To me, it's breathtakingly inappropriate. My mother had the opportunity to force her religion down my throat for more than 18 years. She does not have the right to do it to my children, and I don't care what her motivation might be.

I didn't mince words. Her feelings were hurt, but she knew what she was doing was underhanded, and it didn't happen again.
post #559 of 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Soltera View Post
I need some input from some athiest moms. I just signed my 12 year old for private music lessons. The guy is really nice but he gave us a CD so we can hear his music. It is part of a pro-life CD and it's Christian music! I didn't realize until after he was gone. This is kind of awkward for me. I don't want someone influencing my kid like that and I don't want to listen to it and don't want my kid to listen to it either. I am strongly pro-choice. It just feels very uncomfortable. I don't want to offend him. What would you do?
Does his CD have anythig to do with him teaching music to your child or is he just a musician that is trying to promote his music by handing out his CD. It seems harmless, I'm sure he's proud of himself and he'll probably ask what you thought of it, I would just be polite and say it has a nice sound. If he wants more just tell him you don't share the same views. It doesn't have to amount to any more than that. It's not something I would change music teachers over. I would even feel comfortable asking and telling him "We are not Christian and are pro-choice, are you able to teach my kid music without using overly religious music or music that is pro-life?" BTW, I can't even think of how pro-life music would sound, LOL!
post #560 of 698
lol! I guess it's all in the lyrics. Thanks for the input, fellow moms.
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