I guess I belong here too
I tried to read the whole thread but I only got to page 7 so far
but it's interesting to see everyone's take on this. I'll definitely read more but I wanted to post now dd is asleep and I have some time
I had my dd by c-section and any future babies will also be C/S.
I'm one of those who's pelvis is too narrow. I understand that that's what a lot of women are told, and it's not always true (?).
But I do trust my gyn - AFAIK over here, there are less unnecessary c-sections than in the US for example. I've never heard of anyone over here scheduling a c/s because it seemed more convenient or something.
I have 3 gynaecologists (group practice) and I have asked all of them, repeatedly, if my c/s was necessary (both before and after I had it). They all then looked at the scan results and said that yes, it was. A few hundred years ago, I'd have been in labour for hours/days, and then me and my baby would have eventually died.
I love MDC for its "critical mind" and non-mainstream views and refusal to just do what we're told, and I did a bunch of googling when I heard i had to have a c/s so I know there is a lot of unnecessary ones, but I don't like being made to feel "stupid" for believing my gyn when she said there was no other way. (That isn't meant to anyone in particular!! it's just a slight vibe I pick up sometimes, both here on MDC and (more) on other websites I found)
Anyway... My pelvis was measured by X-ray at 41 weeks (baby hadn't dropped at all) and it was well narrower then the minimum that would allow even a chance of a baby passing through. I specifically asked if that was a common problem, because if my gyn would have answered "yes", I would probably have doubted the accuracy - I firmly believe that most babies DO fit through most women's pelvises!!
My gyn said it is pretty rare to have a pelvis that is truly too narrow.
So anyway, I had the section two days later.
When I heard I had to have a c/s, I was surprised/shocked/scared I guess. I mean, it's kind of major abdominal surgery isn't it?
Luckily, it went really well; i could walk around a bit within 24 hours. The scar is barely visible, it's below the hair line.
Do I mourn not having birthed my dd vaginally? Yes and no I guess... thing is, I'm the first of my group of friends to have a baby. So for now, I don't really "know any better" in a way - I wonder if in the future I will mourn it more?
One of my friends is pregnant now, and recently I've been thinking about it. I think I will be a bit jealous of her when/if she has her baby vaginally (which she probably will). Cause it's (or I think it is) a really intense thing that I will just never experience.
I do think that I'll somehow feel that she's slightly "above" me, having done something so amazing as birthing a baby that way.
And if all my friends go on to have their babies vaginally, I might feel a small bit inferior for not being able to do that. And, stupidly, a bit "left out" I suppose. I will never experience that and I won't be able to discuss how it feels to be in labour etc. Even though I know, rationally, that it doesn't make me inferior, it still feels a tiny bit as if, well... i can't do this big thing that is what women do
. So I kind of feel a bit embarrassed about it, almost.
OTOH, I'm just really, really happy with my dd
and it doesn't make me less of a good mommy. In the big scheme of things, it's not that important.
Also I was lucky I think, to have such an easy recovery from my c/s - beforehand, I was afraid I would be in pain for weeks, not being able to do much etc. But it was absolutely fine. If things don't go as smoothly, it's more difficult to come to terms with, I'm sure.
Anyway... hugs to all who have (had) difficulties coming to terms with their s/c or had traumatic experiences - and to everyone else in this tribe too!
eta: omg, i can never just post a *short* reply