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All children by C-section tribe )_( - Page 8

post #141 of 1132

rambling

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
I have a couple of questions that are c-section related.
I wish I could ask all of these questions on the regular forums, but I can't spend a ton of time defending my c-sections, BTDT here quite a few times.

I feel like because I am *choosing* a repeat c-section, I don't get to make choices for the baby that are "natural". I just want what is best for the little Bean....
:

I just made the mistake of wandering around the net and finding a place where home births etc were the topic of discussion. It was a specific discussion which prompted these emotions.

I wanna go into labor. I wanna push. I don't want to be judged because my baby was born through my abdomen, not my vagina. I had a medically necessary c/s and I still feel that I am, at least emotionally, defending this. I know that had I not had a c/s DD would not have been alive. Had I done UP, there is no chance in hell DD would be alive. I would never do UP, and would likely never do a home birth, but those choices are gone from me forever. There is no way I could in good concience have a "low tech" pregnancy. I will likely be high risk as the growth problems can happen at any time in the pregnancy. I would be terrified that without regular u/s we would miss IUGR in my next pregnancy.

I guess I'm sad for what will not be. Hopefully, my next pregnancy will be easy, followed by a ERCS - at least on paper. I know that due to uterine malformations, two uterine surgeries, etc, I am at a high risk for rupture, and do not feel the need to "prove" anything, not when I knowingly risk my daughter being without a mother. My next c/s will and won't be elective, due to the risks, but I feel I will have to defend this even more, than I feel I need to defend my first c/s.

Another poster on another board said that having a c/s you miss the best part of having a baby - the having of the baby. Am I less of a momma because I never felt a contraction? Or does the 2 months spent on bed rest compensate for that? How about the 48 days in the NICU, being told when and how I can hold DD, how I can mother her? Am I less of a momma because I won't push out baby number 2? If I have a baby number 2? I DESPARATELY want another baby, but am terrified of going through this again.

And what IF I chose a primary c/s? Does that make me a bad person?, a bad mommy? I would say no, it does not.

I don't think I am less a mommy because I did not labor. I feel I am her mommy. I was her mommy since before she was concieved, and by my religious beliefs, I will be her mommy for eternity. By the same token, my Bro and SIL are hoping to adopt, and I firmly believe that she will be a mommy just the same as I, even though she did not get pregnant at all.

Honestly, I don't have c/s issues like so many others do. My c/s was not forced on me, it was an educated decision made with the guidance of a OB whom I trust. I trusted her with mine and DD's lives, and she cared for us and helped me bring my baby to life in the only way possible, by c/s. I do not feel I was birth abused, frankly the abuse occured in the NICU, mostly by a fellow social worker. I feel how I was treated by her is part of why I am getting out of child welfare. (The fact I hate my supervisor helps that one too.) I will miss child welfare. I will miss the children. I just don't want to be as involved a social worker as before, as I'm terrified that I'll repeat what the social worker did to me.

I too want what is best for my next bean, and I did what was best for this bean, the bean currently currled up on my bed.

Maybe this is my white flag in the mommy wars. Maybe I'm asserting that my birth is just as valid as anyone elses. Life came from my womb, a life for which we were terrified would never come because of infertility. You can be a mommy without giving birth, as through adoption.

So am I, other women who did not birth vaginally, and mommy's by adoption lesser mommies? No. I'm not attacking any one else's position I'm just stating mine.

I wanted to vaginally birth. My body was not made to do that. My uterus is deformed, and I am blessed it was able to contain my baby long enough to give life.

That's all I have to say now. Thanks for reading.
post #142 of 1132
Wendy, beautifully said! I agree...it does not matter if you baby comes out your hoo ha that makes you a mother, or a better mother, or less of a person. It is how you love your child & parent them that matters. (Oh how I could go on a tagent, but won't)

Just wanted to say your words are perfect.
post #143 of 1132
I personally have given birth both ways. Am I a better mother or more of a mother to the child I was able to birth vaginally? H*LL NO. Am I less of a mother to the 3 children I have already given birth to by c section? NO again. Do I sometimes miss that when we conceive again I will not be able to give birth vaginally, but by cesarean again, yes. But I am just happy to know that I have 4 wonderful children no matter how they were birthed. Birthing is such a short part of a child's lifetime that it is a shame that we can be judged as a parent by how we birth them. :
post #144 of 1132
Wendy,

Well said!

I will say, at this last c-section, because I went into it cold and didn't panic like last time, I was able to really know when ds was pulled out. I cried like a very happy girl! Would I have had a similar emotional response vaginally? well, I'll never know. And I'll have to be ok with that. I'm sure I will.

I just try to remember there are lots of things I can't or won't ever get to do, and vaginal birth is just one of them.

Thanks for writing what you did.
post #145 of 1132
I know Wendy, and you articulated things very well.

I have decided that I refuse to have someone else invalidate my birth. I talk to my friends about it just as they talk about theirs. We all have regrets, we all have happy moments, and it's not up to anyone to decide what anothers experience means. I will not let anyone take that from me. I did my best, as we all do. If someone is threatened by that or is ignorant and can't understand that, it's their loss.

It's easy to be critical. But walk in my shoes, make my decisions, feel my pain. Blanket statements about how we miss out just won't fly for me. I go to birth and beyond occasionally, and I have spoken up about how calous some of the statements people make are. I have been flamed. But I don't care. My experience is just as good as the next persons. If they don't like it, they can shove it.
post #146 of 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by coloradoalice View Post
My experience is just as good as the next persons. If they don't like it, they can shove it.

:
post #147 of 1132
subbing...
post #148 of 1132
Thread Starter 
post #149 of 1132
Hey y'all. Went to a double shower yesterday for two women in my playgroup. Both of them are pg with their third baby and all of their children have been born vaginally. We got talking about births and I found myself getting really worked up about my birth experiences again.

That's the one thing I wish... that I could talk about my children's births and not get diarrhea of the mouth, waxing philosophical about all that could have been. I don't even see it happening, but all of a sudden I see the eyes glazing over, I sense the waning of attention, like I'm talking to myself because everyone has tuned out.
post #150 of 1132
Hi ladies. I have a question for you all. My SIL is having her second C-section next month, her first son was born by emergency c-section 2 years ago. I was wondering if you had any good ideas for a gift for her for after the birth. I have never had a section and don't really know what might be helpful to her. I know after her last one she was in a great deal of pain for weeks. I want to surprise her with something nice. Any ideas? TIA
post #151 of 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mearaina View Post
Hi ladies. I have a question for you all. My SIL is having her second C-section next month, her first son was born by emergency c-section 2 years ago. I was wondering if you had any good ideas for a gift for her for after the birth. I have never had a section and don't really know what might be helpful to her. I know after her last one she was in a great deal of pain for weeks. I want to surprise her with something nice. Any ideas? TIA
I'm trying to think of what I would have wanted but my mind is drawing a blank! Meals that I didn't cook would have been nice. Someone to come and clean would have been nice. Although dh was home for 3 weeks, so I didn't have to do too much.

I will say that with my 2nd cs there was much less bleeding and pain. I was walking to yard sales when dd was 9 days old. Post partum bleeding was almost gone in 2 weeks. It was much easier the 2nd time around. I don't know if this is common however.
post #152 of 1132
Good question.

Depending on how much help she will have in the house after the birth, paying for a postpartum doula might be a nice gift. An extra set of hands that is there specifically to help (and has no expectation of visiting with mom and baby ) would be really useful. Folding laundry, heating up lunch, making sure mom's water glass is full, all that stuff that can just be so hard to do when recovering.

FWIW, my second c/s was a much easier recovery and I think it was because I didn't have any pit during my second labor. I've heard others say that a scheduled c usually has the easiest recovery, but of course, every woman and every birth is different.

But someone to help around the house (maybe she would prefer someone to clean rather than "help" her?) is always a help, even if you are having a decent recovery.
post #153 of 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mearaina View Post
Hi ladies. I have a question for you all. My SIL is having her second C-section next month, her first son was born by emergency c-section 2 years ago. I was wondering if you had any good ideas for a gift for her for after the birth. I have never had a section and don't really know what might be helpful to her. I know after her last one she was in a great deal of pain for weeks. I want to surprise her with something nice. Any ideas? TIA
I second the meals idea - anything that lets the family focus on the baby and recovery rather than the house or cooking, etc. We always had family staying with us to help and it made a big difference. With the second one, having someone come and occupy the older child for a few hours is great too. Often, even if Daddy is home, that means Daddy is taking care of the older sibling and Mommy has the baby, so mommy doesn't get a real chance for a break and daddy doesn't get as much of a chance to bond. Taking your niece or nephew out for a fun afternoon would give them a little more time for that.

In terms of physical things - well, I was laid up on the couch for a good week, so something to do during that time is nice, a movie, a book, her favorite tv show on DVD or a puzzle, etc. I watched a lot of tv, which in the middle of the day can get pretty boring. BTW, the second one was a much worse recovery for me, and it was planned. I'm not sure why - maybe because of the sibling factor - I got much less time to rest and recover with #2 than with the first, and maybe because the new baby wasn't as much of a distraction in terms of being such a new concept in our lives.
post #154 of 1132
Thanks for the great ideas . My SIL lives out of state, so I am thinking of maybe a gift card for a restaurent near them that delivers? I don't know her likes and dislikes that well, so I am not sure what books or things she would like. I hope this one is easier for her, her last experience was rough.

What about pampering mama type gifts? For instance, I always had a stash of perineum care type itemsat the ready for after the tear. Is there something that could help her incision? I really appreciate the thoughts.
post #155 of 1132
Thread Starter 
I think it depends on what type of help she has. For example does she have family that will be coming to help clean and cook or bring meals by and how helpful her husband is.

A gift card for a meal or two or someone to come in and tidy up a bit would have been the most helpful for me.

My first was hell, it was after 30 some hours of labor and pit. The second was an absolute breeze. I was sore but it was NOTHING like the first (I barely labored with the second). Now the third...it was even worse than the first in fact it made the first not so bad afterall, I ruptured after about 24 hours of labor, need I say more?
post #156 of 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mearaina View Post
Thanks for the great ideas . My SIL lives out of state, so I am thinking of maybe a gift card for a restaurent near them that delivers? I don't know her likes and dislikes that well, so I am not sure what books or things she would like. I hope this one is easier for her, her last experience was rough.
There is a service I've used before called 'Dinner Delivery' (www.ddplus.com) that basically delivers for restaurants that don't deliver. They will order the meal and pick it up and deliver it to you for a surcharge, but you just pay them. I don't know if they do gift certs, but that would be a great multipurpose gift - she can pick out which restaurant, etc. If they don't operate where she is there may be a similar service that does.
post #157 of 1132
Things I would have liked for a c/s pampering kit....
Lansinoh, Mederma scar cream, nice hand lotion and lip balm.

The delivered meals sound heavenly!

My c/s recovery was fairly easy. I think it is because I got up so much and moved around because I had to get up if I wanted to see DD.
post #158 of 1132
I was hoping I could join you all
While I have given birth vaginally, my last baby was a c-section, and it's looking like any more we decide to have will be also. And I really want one more.

I've read through all the posts, and basically I'm just looking for support, and not flames for chosing a repeat section over a VBAC.

My youngest, Elora, was born by emergency c-section at 25 weeks because she was transverse & I had pre-e. They did a classical incision on my uterus to get her out, since she was up so high, and eveything I've read says that VBACs are risky with this kind of incision, on the upper half of the uterus.

After spending almost 9 weeks in the NICU at her bedside, watching her grow & get healthy and hear the talk of bringing her home, Elora got a blood infection and it quickly overtook her little body & she passed away.

I just want a baby I can bring home. I am not willing to risk a rupture. I just want to hold and nurse one more baby.

I am scared to death of another c-section. But I am even more afraid of not having any more children.
post #159 of 1132
Jayme...

You are welcome here. No flames about repeat c/s here. You are correct, with your incision, you are at a high rupture rate. So am I, but for different reasons.

I had been wondering about how you are doing since Elora passed. You have been in my thoughts. I was so sad to hear about you losing Elora.

HUGS.
post #160 of 1132
Hi

I'm in the process of scheduling my 2nd c/s. My ds was an emergency due to FTP, and heart decels, he was wedged pretty good in my pelvis and was black and blue. With DS my water broke and i never experienced my own contractions, after several hours of nothing i was given pit and after 33 hours and with DS heart deceling and only being at 2cm a c/s was decided I had made it that far naturally with no pain drugs and was quite proud of myself because the pit was hell, I was given a spinal in the OR but as soon as the pit was turned off my contractions stopped, I don't think my body ever produced its own contractions.

This time i really wanted a VBAC even though i was skeptical because of a previous car accident causing hip and pelvis alignment problems but this was my intent, around 20 weeks i started passing out regularly and after multiple test it was decided that my heart couldn't handle labour. As it turns out the baby is transverse too, maybe because I'm so anxious that she is stress and won't turn.
Transverse is so uncomfortable, and i also have sever pain in my pelvis this time (SPD). I have the care of midwives, OB and cardiologist this time, I have complete trust in my OB to do the delivery which we will schedule early as i can't go into labour myself (too risky with my heart) the baby will then be delivered right around Christmas, I would like the 21st because i would be feeling better for Christmas morning. With Ds i went home about 24 hours after delivering, i felt pretty good except for the itching i got from the morphine given to me in the OR.

It is hard belonging to mdc and having a c/s I always feel like i have to defend my decisions, it is nice to see this tribe where i know i won't have too. It also makes me sad when others put down their doctors and say c/s are unnecessary, while i do believe alot are unnecessary i truly believe i am making the right decision for myself and baby.
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