All children by C-section tribe )_( - Page 3

[mamameg]

Silvercrest79, thanks for sharing you and your DD's experience. I'm sorry you and she went through all of that. And I'm so sorry you are left with a heavy heart and so many regrets.

[KestrelDream]

Originally Posted by Silvercrest79

Huh? : I would feel this way if I'd ruptured this time and hadn't had a dehisence with my DD in 2003. I don't see how the prior dehisence would affect how I feel about my rupture this time.

OK. Just wondering. Again, I'm sorry you went through all that.

IMHO, having a VBAC is not selfish. Studies have proven over & over again that labor & birth is healthier for babies. Cesareans have much greater risks.

[mata]

Originally Posted by Silvercrest79

This thread is for us to talk about what it is like to not know a natural birth.
To mourn what we haven't had and some of us will never have.
This thread was created with survivors of multiple c-sections in mind (reople who's first child was a section may not have the same feelings as those of us who've had multiples because most of those can still have their VBAC).

It's been 4 months since my third c-section. I experienced a uterine rupture. I will never experience a natural birth and I am really starting to mourn that. I can't seem to come to grips with the fact I am a mother of three beautiful daughters but I didn't see them born, in fact I've never seen a baby born at all. It feels so strange to be a mother but feel this odd sense that you are just playing one because they were sliced out of your body instead of born into your hands. :

I go through mourning cycles as well. Lately we've been revisiting whether we want a third child and I hate to say that although I put a positive spin on my 2 previous cesareans, the thought of going through third (right now) feels like more than I can handle. I would hate for that to stand in the way of having another child, and as I type this that sounds utterly ridiculous to let that be a deterrent, yet that's what it is. I've always been proud to be "in tune" with my body, and have always sought the way to let my body heal itself, etc.-yet I live with this contradiction and sentence that was handed down in 2000 with the first cesarean.

[Silvercrest79]

Originally Posted by jackie75

OK. Just wondering. Again, I'm sorry you went through all that.

IMHO, having a VBAC is not selfish. Studies have proven over & over again that labor & birth is healthier for babies. Cesareans have much greater risks.

Well I haven't researched this but I will have to think that the long term damage caused by uterine rupture far outweighs the long term damage of a c-section. Would be a very interesting study.

Perhaps if you were on the uterine rupture, mothers of uterine rupture survivors, and HIE list you might think differently. jmho

[Panthira]

Originally Posted by Silvercrest79

A million vaginal births/dollars/or years is NOT worth what my daughter went through. I can't believe how selfish I was to make the decision to try to VBAmC especially after a dehisence. Not a day goes by that I don't regret my decision and pray my daughter doesn't suffer the rest of her life because of my selfishness.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you feel such guilt over the decision to try and have a natural birth, and I really feel horrible for you that it went wrong. I hope your DD gets a break, and I wish you peace.

My oldest DS has severe CP and blindness, though not from uterine rupture but prematurity, and I wonder everyday if I could or should have made better choices. If only...

Sorry, I don't belong to this club and I'm not sure what brought me here. I only had 1 CS and 2 VBACs, so I'll quit being a thread crasher.

[nfpmom]

HI! I recognize many names from ICAN. Both of my kids were born via CS. First baby was CS for posterior, 2nd baby was an HBAC attempt, transferred after pushing at home for many hours, went to the hospital got epidural +pitocin, pushed for more hours... another posterior baby, another CS.
If I get pregnant again I will go for a VBA2C. The latest research is that the absolute risk for VBAmC is low, almost the same as VBAC after 1 CS. With my marathon labor and pushing for VBAC I think I have proven that my body heals well after CS, so I don't feel uncomfortable trying for a VBAC again. I think that when you experience dehiscences, it might be a red flag that trying for a VBAC might not be the best choice. I know Alison you would probably agree now, and some of us know another mom from ICAN who had a dehiscence/rupture with her 1st VBAC attempt and had a catastrophic rupture with her 2nd VBAC attempt. Many lessons have been learned (for me at least) after her rupture and I think one of them is that if you do dehisce after your 1st VBAC, you might want to rethink VBACing with your 3rd (although there really aren't any studies on VBAUR or VBAC after dehiscence because the absolute numbers are so low you wouldn't be able to get a big enough study to study the question, most likely).
Of course those of us on ICAN know that ICAN's current vice president almost died from her first cesarean and was in the ICU for many days because of the surgery. A CS is not a walk in the park either. Risk of complications for both sides is low, but its 100% if it happens to you... both ways... I think once you have that 1st cut there are no easy answers anymore.
Anyway, I for one am devastated that both my kids have arrived via CS. I planned for my births the way some ladies plan for weddings and to never be able to experience that yet... a part of me is so sad.

Jackie, you aren't pregnant are you? I thought I read that you were, but there is another Jackie on ICAN too so it might be someone else.

take care

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by mata

I would hate for that to stand in the way of having another child, and as I type this that sounds utterly ridiculous to let that be a deterrent, yet that's what it is.

I don't think it sounds ridiculous. When I allowed myself to be bullied into a scheduled section with dd (my second - 10 years after my first), I had assumed I'd be able to VBA2C. It wasn't until one of my well-baby checkups for dd that my doctor told me I'd have to have any future babies by c-section. I had a really hard time with that, but went ahead with ds2. As soon as my pregnancy was confirmed, I started having nightmares about surgery...every single night for several months. I went and told my doctors that I couldn't do this, and wanted a VBA2C...and as soon as my OB agreed (reluctantly), the nightmares stopped. Unfortunately, I let myself be bullied again (OB threatened to withdraw at 41w,4d if I didn't have my section the next day). I still want one more, but...the whole thing infuriates me.

I sometimes wonder if it would be any easier to take if I'd ever had any complications during a pregnancy....that sounds weird, but I've had the three easiest pregnancies that I've ever seen, but ended up sectioned all three time. I just can't get it to make any sense...emotionally or rationally.

[KestrelDream]

Thanks Elaine....for saying it much more eloquently than I could. Yes, we certainly learned some very heartbreaking lessons over at ICAN, haven't we?

No, I'm not pregnant. I'm really hoping to wait a while. I have so much healing to do.

[TexasSuz]

I was hoping this thread would be a support thread but it seems that even here some people are attacked or questioned for their c-sections. I would expect that over at ICAN but not here. Can we stop pushing the vaginal birth is better stuff to a bunch of women who have only and will most likely only have c-sections?

As another posted out it - Cesareans are not shameful!

And no one should have to defend theirs, no matter what!

[KestrelDream]

I was hoping this thread would be a support thread but it seems that even here some people are attacked or questioned for their c-sections.

No one is being attacked....questioned, yes. This is a discussion board. We are discussing having multiple cesareans.

People get all on the offensive when their "truth" is challenged.

I am sick of sugar-coating. I am not ashamed of my cesareans. They we not necessary. Most cesareans aren't.

I was hoping this thread would be a support thread too.

I'm still really curious about why you couldn't birth. I don't feel it's fair for you to say it's none of your business. You brought it up first. If you don't want to talk about it, then why bring it up? I'm not going to attack you!! I was sincerely curious. I feel like you may have an opportunity to educate....something that we have never heard before since it is so "rare".

's &

[Silvercrest79]

Originally Posted by TexasSuz

I was hoping this thread would be a support thread but it seems that even here some people are attacked or questioned for their c-sections. I would expect that over at ICAN but not here. Can we stop pushing the vaginal birth is better stuff to a bunch of women who have only and will most likely only have c-sections?

As another posted out it - Cesareans are not shameful!

And no one should have to defend theirs, no matter what!

: I am one of those and that is why I started the thread.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Silvercrest79

: I am one of those and that is why I started the thread.

I'm also one of those. I didn't need to be. I hate it, and it wasn't ever necessary.

This topic is how I found Mothering in the first place. This was the only place I found on the web where people didn't think I was nuts for hating my c-sections and hating myself for caving in and letting myself be cut.

More and more, it's looking as though this isn't that place, anymore. For those of you (TexasSuz, for example) who had necessary surgery...I'm glad you were able to have your babies more safely. But, that wasn't the case for me. I was assaulted once, and bullied/coerced twice. From the OP, I thought this was a thread where I could grieve for not ever being able to give birth. Once again, I'm getting the vibe that I should just be grateful that I was cut open over my protests.

[mightymoo]

Originally Posted by TexasSuz

I was hoping this thread would be a support thread but it seems that even here some people are attacked or questioned for their c-sections. I would expect that over at ICAN but not here. Can we stop pushing the vaginal birth is better stuff to a bunch of women who have only and will most likely only have c-sections?

As another posted out it - Cesareans are not shameful!

And no one should have to defend theirs, no matter what!

I will also chime in and say that I have no desire to question your need for a c-section, but when you say you had to have one for such mysterious reasons, I too am extremely curious as to why. It is your choice as to whether you want to share that information, but understand that when you bring it up the way you do it just makes the rest of us really want to know!

It's a fine line we walk here, we so want to reduce the number of unnecessary c-sections, but yet we want to accept and embrace those whose were necessary and grieve with those who feel theirs was not.

For the sake of this tribe/community, can we agree we are among friends and just believe each other? If someone says their surgery was necessary, then we should believe it was. And if someone says they are unhappy with theirs, lets let them feel this way and not try to convince them it was for the best.

[KestrelDream]

Well said Mightymoo.

[Silvercrest79]

Perhaps one of you who'se c/s weren't necc should start a tribe for yourselves?

[Silvercrest79]

updateing

I don't think I specified this but.... I made this tribe for people who can not have a VBAC ever. It is for women who are done having babies and they had all c/s, or for those of us who may have more children that will ONLY be by c/s.

Sorry but most if not all of us know the benifits of vaginal birth. We don't want to be beat over the head with something we can't control.

[Storm Bride]

Fair enough. I don't belong here until/unless dh gets a vasectomy. I have a feeling I won't really belong here then, either...but we'll see what happens. It's looking awfully likely that ds2 is it.

[nfpmom]

I don't want to crash the party Alison... sorry.
But your OP said this:

"This thread is for us to talk about what it is like to not know a natural birth.
To mourn what we haven't had and some of us will never have.
This thread was created with survivors of multiple c-sections in mind (reople who's first child was a section may not have the same feelings as those of us who've had multiples because most of those can still have their VBAC)."

And I qualify under all of those conditions. But you did start the tribe... but you might want to modify your conditions a little bit to specify what exactly it is you are seeking.

take care

[Silvercrest79]

Originally Posted by nfpmom

I don't want to crash the party Alison... sorry.
But your OP said this:

"This thread is for us to talk about what it is like to not know a natural birth.
To mourn what we haven't had and some of us will never have.
This thread was created with survivors of multiple c-sections in mind (reople who's first child was a section may not have the same feelings as those of us who've had multiples because most of those can still have their VBAC)."

And I qualify under all of those conditions. But you did start the tribe... but you might want to modify your conditions a little bit to specify what exactly it is you are seeking.

take care

I apologize for not being specific enough in my original post. I did not expect to have people beating the VBAC horse here. I will go edit the original post to reflect my updating post from ealier.

[KestrelDream]

I did not expect to have people beating the VBAC horse here.

One more thing, & I'm out of here.

I was not beating anything. Just asking questions, & stating some facts.

I don't wear rose-colored glasses. VBAC is safer than repeats. The research is there. And most women are in denial...and LIED too.

Buh-bye.