Support for moms who can't breastfeed - Page 3

[The Lucky One]

Lisa, about your ds refusing the sippy cup...

What we did with our ds, is give him a sippy cup with H20 (spill-proof, of course) and let him keep it with him all day. At first, he would just play with it, shake it, etc, but eventually he got the hang of it and enjoyed giving himself drinks from it. If I remember correctly, he was almost 12 months before he really got the hang of it. At your son's age, he wasn't able to do it alone.

What kind of water are you giving him? My ds only will drink H20 if it's ice cold:

I'd just keep cheerfully offering it to him. We all know you can't force a baby to do anything they don't want, but I'd say that in time he will come around. Maybe as we get into summer and it gets hotter as he's moving around, he'll want something to quench his thirst.

Good luck.

lisa

[LaffNowCryLater]

I formula feed, my story is toooo long to type, but yes, I cosleep, no cio, feed on demand (no set feeding schedule),cloth diaper, select vax, gentle discipline, etc, etc., I really go with the whole AP parenting ways, but feel like I don't belong b/c I dont BF.
I wil say that any children I may have I will still try to BF the best I can and I pray things will work better this time.

[Nemmer]

Question for you mamas

I have a question for you bottle feeding mamas. (I posted a new thread about this, but meant to post it here. For some reason I couldn't find this thread! So, I apologize in advance for anyone who finds this redundant. ) I had always planned on treating bottle feeding as much like breastfeeding as I possibly can. Today my ped mentioned that I should try to wean ds from the bottle by 15 months! I found that odd since she is rather pro-breastfeeding, anti-circ, and generally at least a little receptive to non-mainstream parenting practices. I asked if that was due to the teeth problem. She stated yes, the tooth decay, but also the risk of ear infections, and "they just don't need it any more, developmentally."

So I'm just wondering about your thoughts on this. What age did/will you wean your babies from the bottle? Is it really that horrible to let ds self-wean from the bottle like I would from the breast?

[Lucysmama]

Hi, mamas.
My name is Katie and I am *gulp* a bottlefeeder. There are reasons why - difficult c-section, poor support, nipple confusion... but mostly: I gave up. I was drugged with Percoset, in gobs of pain from c-section, and I couldn't handle it. They gave me lots of formula to take home with me and....I used it. I think I just figured, "well, this is really hard recovering from major surgery...I'll just use formula until I feel a little less hazy and dopey. Then we'll get it down." But, it never happened. Dd wouldn't latch. I was distressed. We tried for weeks. I pumped for two months for her, and then we switched to formula.
I don't think I have ever felt guiltier about anything. Ever. I regret this every day. My best mama friend has a babe the same age as my dd - 15 months. They are still happily BFing. It's so hard. I love them both, but I am so envious of their nursing relationship. They seem so in synch and peaceful when they nurse. When I think about trying to nurse Lucy, I can only remember both of us in tears 10 times a day. The pressure. The frustration.
We are currently ttc #2. We are planning a home VBAC, and I really hope to BF and I will enlist every damn LC in Ohio if we have to!
Thank you for starting this thread. I was beginning to feel a tad out-of-place on MDC, despite my other AP choices. Hugs to all you ladies who are mourning BFing losses. It's tough.

[girlzmommy00]

Thank you for this thread. I'm currently formula feeding Lily, my 8 month old. My 2 younger dd's were born with severe/extreme food allergies and were not able to tolerate breastmilk. They were/are allergic to so many things that the only way I might have been able to breastfeed was if I stopped eating. But I kind of like to eat ; and who knows even if I stopped eating, they very well may have still reacted to my breastmilk.
Unfortunately, their allergies are way beyond just milk and soy and they both needed an elemental, amino acid based formula called Neocate. They were even allergic to hypoallergenic formulas. With Lily, we've been lucky, she can tolerate a few solids now (not much but a few things) but Lauren was not able to start solid food until she was 2 1/2. She was just on a liquid diet of her formula before then. Thankfully our ins and WIC pay for Lily's formula since it's $30 a can and she goes through about $500 worth a month.
And we did get comments. Lauren is very tall for her age, she is 46 in at 3 yrs and was 36 in at 12 months. So people would see her with her bottle and would openly comment that she was too old for a bottle. I'd explain that she was younger than they realized and we were thankful she was so tall for her age since she had a medical condition and could not tolerate eating any solid foods, ie why she had a bottle. That would shut them up real fast.
With my oldest I had to stop BF due to my PPD (needed meds that weren't compatable with BF), she also had bad food allergies but could tolerate soy and was on a soy formula until she was 2. Unfortunately, we are currently in the process of trying solids with Lily and adding to her list of foods she can't tolerate.

But to answer the question, Lily drinks her formula in a bottle and we give her water in a sippy cup. I'm hoping to start offering a serving of formula in the sippy and see how she reacts.

I wish you all well. It's difficult when things don't go as planned. I would have loved to BF the girls but wasn't willing to risk life threatening allergic reactions to do so. Take care!

[sweetfeet]

I almost feel like I'd like to have another child in order to be able to nurse

I feel the same way. I feel like it would be a chance to redeem myself and to heal the hurting in my heart over my lost nursing relationship with Sophie. I cried for so many nights after we stopped nursing. I still yearn to hold her to me and comfort her when she cries or nurse her to sleep.
Lucysmama-Your story sounds so much like my own! I had a csection, Sophie was breech. She was born at 35 weeks. We had just moved a week before(I thought I had a month to unpack.) I had the most horrible nurse, ped and LC's in all of Ohio. I was so drugged up from the Csection that I went shopping when I was released from the hospital. Sophie was so little I had no preemie clothes and she needed some. She remained at the hospital in an incubator under bili lights for extreme jaundice. I told them I'd be back every 3 hours to nurse(I said I wanted to come back every 2 and they said no that it had to be 3 because she wouldn't be under the lights very long if she were feeding for 30 mins out of every 2 hours) I came back at 2 and a half hours because I missed her. I had at that point been in the hospital 5 days before being released. I came back and they were feeding her FORMULA! It was botched from the very beginning when I was in recovery and no one brought her to me for 3+ hours. I asked and asked. Her apgars were both 9. She was fine. I hate that place. I hate hospitals and doctors. I have a year of nursing school done and I will never go back for nursing. I cant be there. Anyhow sorry I rambled
Lucysmama where in Ohio are you? I am in Dayton/Kettering but visit Columbus/Hilliard often as my parents live there. PM me if you ever wanna chat.

[luvmygirls]

Great thread Lisa!

I'm Elaine, adoptive mama to two girls. I haven't been here for quite a while, but have decided to give cloth diapering a try and have been researching a bit. I saw this thread, by Laurel (my friend-Hi Lisa!! Long time, no talk!) and was interested.

I've been feeling the old pangs of "breastfeeding loss" lately too. I did adoptive nursing with my youngest, Heidi, for a little over 4 months. It was stressful for me, but worth it. Just the other day I was bottle feeding Heidi and could tell she wasn't interested in the milk anymore but was ready to drift off to sleep. She refused the bottle but wanted more than just to cuddle. I wanted to rip off my shirt to see if she'd nurse a dry breast but since we were in a room full of 12 and 13 year old girls I didn't do it. I have tried several times since we stopped breastfeeding to see if she would latch and comfort suck but without success. I agree that I miss the convenience of breastfeeding, and the closeness it provides.

Oh, I think I hear my baby crying.

Elaine
Colorado
Mommy to Nicole (2) and Heidi (8 mos)

[bananasmom]

Wow, I'm so glad that I found out about this thread.

I didn't bf anywhere near as long as many of you, and didn't know about mothering.com, or I would have (not that much more than drops were coming out anyhow). I didn't know about milk banks, fenugreek or domperidone. My LC and doctors seemed confused by my failure to produce milk, and my dd's startling weight loss. It took me 6 months to get them to do some hormone tests. We discovered that I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (which is now being treated), and my endocrinologist thinks this explains my experience. She wasn't at all surprised by what I described, and told me that she had seen it many times before, with her thyroid patients.

I'm happy to say that I am finally to the point that I could care less what anyone else says about my wimpy little decision to formula feed (particularly anonymous people on a message board). I know that breastmilk is best, but I feel that it was out of my hands. I did the best that I could have, with the knowledge that I had at the time. No one is a perfect parent, and I think we all do the best with what we have. Except for that bottle of formula several times a day, I think that I am a hell of a momma!

I do my best to dispell misinformation, and make my suggestions (about helping women with low supply) to authors and lactation resource sites. Oh, and I'm pregnant again, and making preparations to be more successful this time. Again, this is the best that I can do.

Thanks for starting this thread. It's nice to have a place.

[Lucysmama]

Hugs to all of you who had difficulty breastfeeding. It's wonderful that so many moms have easy BFing experiences and are wellsupported, but I know firsthand how hard it is when things are stacked against you.
Sophiesmom, I live in NE Ohio, in the CVNP. Sorry we aren't closer!

[mountain]

Does anyone know of a milk bank that needs milk? I feel for anyone who has trouble bfing, and I have an excess. I tried to call my local hospital, but they said they have never had it there.
Is there a freezer service or something where you could donate it? It just seems like, we milk & transport cow products, when human milk is so much better for babies.

I would be so in favor of giving any baby a better chance...especially think about babies born addicted to crack or heroine--some IGaS would do them a world of good!

Would appreciate any info

[bananasmom]

mountain !

http://www.dietitian.com/milkbank.html

Has a link for finding a bank near you.

[EFmom]

I'm another formula feeder also joining this thread a bit late.

Our two girls were adopted, one 11 months old and one at 14 months. I did not try to induce lactation as to me it seemed like the wrong thing to do for my girls. They were born in China, and with our adoptions, their whole worlds turned upside down. We looked funny, smelled funny, sounded funny, and of course, were taking them away from everything they were familiar with. It seemed to me that it would be just stressing them more to try to make them learn to bf, when obviously their bottles were just about the one constant they had in their lives for comfort.

I have to admit, I honestly don't feel any great loss not to have bf, but I'm not trying to minimize anyone else's sense of loss. I guess it's just that I feel so incredibly blessed to have these two magnificent children in our lives, that I end up just basking in the joy of all the positives and letting any negatives slide right off my back. If I'd had bio kids, I would have bf, but that just wasn't in the cards for us, and I wouldn't trade my experiences or my kids for all the bf in the universe.

I do agree that there's a lot of fairly nasty, mean-spirited bashing of formula feeding moms here. So true about the chimpanzee thing--what is up with that? But I try not to take that stuff seriously. I know what my relationship with my girls is like, and I'm not going to let anybody's smug self-righteousness rain on our parade. I also get a hair tired of the endless bashing of formula. I don't have any illusions about formula companies or their rotten business practices, but if it weren't for formula my kids and a lot of other adopted kids that I know would be dead, period.

[Laurel]

EFmom, I totally agree with your last paragraph. It's taken me awhile to not get emotionally involved in all the "formula is evil" threads, and I still get frustrated sometimes with the lack of compassion and understanding. But I finally realized that it really doesn't matter what these people think! They are entitled to their opinions, but they are only opinions. Why was I letting myself get into a frenzy over the opinions of people that I would never meet in real life? I realized that my decisions and choices were between me, my dh, and our consciences. No one else.

[PatchyMama]

heh.. can i revive this? I found it searching for something else....

I think there is almost nothing lonelier than being a formula/bottle-feeding mom in a culture of passionate breastfeeders. We often feel that we do not fit anywhere. We certainly don't fit on a "mainstream" parenting board, because our hearts are "AP". (I use those terms only for lack of a more concise way to say what I mean.) We live under constant judgment and stereotype. When we go to the grocery store, we worry about who will be making assumptions about us based on what's in our cart. We worry that they will never want to get past first impressions and give us the benefit of the doubt.

We often don't know where to turn when we need answers to questions about our child's health or to other issues, like feeding solid foods. We can't go to a regular parenting board and expect to get answers that reflect our parenting style and values. We can't ask questions here without risking misunderstanding, or simply that most people don't have experience with what we need.

All this is on top of the grief and disappointment of missing out on the experience of nursing, of having our bodies fail us, and on top of the concern for our children's well-being and how we'll meet their needs in spite of our limitations. (I'm actually not "grieving" at the moment, but I have in the past, and know many moms still are.

I feel I have to explain and tell my story so often--it gets cumbersome. But if I don't explain, I can just see the wheels turning in people's heads. I try to stay away from the "formula is evil" threads, but I can't--I just have to go see what's being assumed about me. I can't resist posting on them either.

Anyway, I'd love to hear your story, your issues, your worries, your frustrations--whatever you'd like to share about your breastfeeding and bottlefeeding experiences!

Thank you for saying that.... i think it made me cry! LOL... I can relate to sew many on this thread ... I wont go into my story cause franky im tired of feeling like I need an excuse and every time I give it feel the guilt and pain from not having that nursing relationship. However I think its important to remember that just because its a bottle.. doesnt mean its any less special... I went out of my way to make every feeding special... lots of cuddling and attachment... But I still hurt about it to this day and have thought many times if i would just have another I can try to get it right this time... i have the support i didnt know about now! But I also know thats a bad reason to have a child and im not ready for more....

anyway, just wanted to say my VERY LATE thanks for this thread.....

[julie128]

Organic formula

Just read in American Baby that Horizon is now making an organic cow milk formula that is FDA approved.

[PurplePixiePooh]

Finally I don't feel so alone! My ds is 6 weeks old and bottle fed. I have a long story about my bf'ing, but in a nut shell, poor latch NO support, LLL was not helpful, couldn't afford a LC, hosiptal LC got frustrated during my visit and gave me a bottle to feed the baby, nipple confusion, flat nipples, overactive letdown and very poor supply compunded with ppd.

I too know the feeling of being almost embarrased when having to pull out the bottle in public, I still occasionally offer him my breast as if he one day decide he wants to nurse. I tried an SNS too, but he will not latch on nad if he does hold my breast in his mouth he will not suckle, just cry a muffled cry or pull off.

I have felt judged, persecuted and looked down upon. I have seen snide glances and been snubbed by LLL after one visit and seriously seeking their help.

I am gald that this is here, I am all AP, but just because this one area is lacking some consider me a poor example at best. I grieve the loss of the b'ing every day and till wonder if I was responsible for the problems or if it ws just a bad cousre of events.

[LoveBeads]

Thanks for this thread, sorry I'm so late in replying.

My DD is now 3 1/2 but I still have the excruciating pain of not being able to breastfeed every single day. I didn't even join these discussion boards for years, fearful that I would never be accepted in an AP environment when I couldn't do the most basic task of all!

My milk supply was very low. I had lc's, herbalists, a hospital grade pump, supplemental feeding systems, the works. My DD jaundiced and began to pass crystals in her diaper (sign of dehydration) so I began to formula feed without hesitation. Seeing those crystals scared the sh*t out of me and I didn't hesitate to get her food. I continued on a path of breastfeeding, giving a bottle, then pumping for every single feeding for six weeks (it was completely exhausting) and then I just had to give up. I never got more than 1/4 oz. during any pumping session despite pumping for 1/2 hour on each side. It was so heartbreaking for me as I myself was breastfed and grew up listening to my mother talk about how wonderful it was.

My DH never did understand why this was so hard for me and why I cared so much. It's not so much that I feel I didn't do the best for my baby, that's part of it. But I really wanted to have the experience of giving her nutrition from my body.

I hope I'm able to have another baby and I will try again. Thanks so much for starting this thread and good luck to all of you!

[Eggie]

Laurel,
I didn't know about this thread and also wanted so much to share with other ff mothers. I was able to bf my daughter for only 1.5 months due to medical reasons and well, it's difficult to avoid sad feelings after all the benefits that we know bf gives to babies but we have to move on. About prejudices and else, I think the world would be much better if we turn our heads to our own family instead of doing it to other's.
I just know that my beloved dd is such a happy and adored baby

Have few questions for all the ff mommas:
1. Have you noticed that your baby is less "chubby" that bf ones or is that just my experience? My dd is growing very good but always seems lighter. She was born 7.1 lbs and 19" and now(5 months old) she's 14 lbs 26".
2. When did you started solids?
3. Any problems with formula brands? I had to change it to Carna**n Good Start because the other ones were so heavy for her stomach. Had bad constipation problems at 2 months old.
4. Have you tried the Dr Brown's bottles? seems to work very good against gas. Any other ones?
Well, hope to hear from all of you soon

[bananasmom]

1. Have you noticed that your baby is less "chubby" that bf ones or is that just my experience? My dd is growing very good but always seems lighter. She was born 7.1 lbs and 19" and now(5 months old) she's 14 lbs 26".

Mine is less chubby as well (usually 25th - 50th %ile). It's probably just a body-type thing, but I often wonder if it's that I truly tried to read her cues, rather than just keep shoving a bottle in her mouth (I see that frequently, from my chose-to-ff friends... they seem to want them to sleep longer, and when the baby cries, they just feed feed feed)

2. When did you started solids?

About 5 or 5 1/2 months, although I though of waiting longer. To be honest, I sort of weighed the option of giving her more formula (she was still hungry) or giving her foods that I prepared myself. That is mostly why I started then, not later.

3. Any problems with formula brands? I had to change it to Carna**n Good Start because the other ones were so heavy for her stomach. Had bad constipation problems at 2 months old.

Not with brands, but we spent the better part of 15 months trying to figure out what made my dd so gassy and in so much pain most of the time. FINALLY, they did an allergy test, and she has a milk allergy. Wish I'd known that earlier! Now, it's soy-soy-soy in our house.

4. Have you tried the Dr Brown's bottles? seems to work very good against gas. Any other ones?
Well, hope to hear from all of you soon

We used them, yes. They did seem to help with gas, but we found a problem around 4 or 5 months, because we couldn't find a Dr. B nipple that moved fast enough for her. Unless, they've added nips to their line (which I don't think they have) I *think* they market more toward the newborn. After the Dr B's, we tried a bunch and settled on Gerber's with ortho nipple, like her paci. They seemed to make her the happiest.

HTH!

[stafl]

I haven't read all the posts in this thread, but I wanted to let you all know there is a great support list at Yahoo Groups called MOBI - Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mobi/
http://www.internetbabies.com/
Everyone is welcome, regardless of whether you are still trying to make breastfeeding work or not, regardless of what your problems were. It is a very wonderful, supportive group of women without whom I never would have managed to deal with the serious difficulties I faced with breastfeeding (my DD was tongue-tied and physically unable to nurse...long story, it's on my website if anyone is interested, just click on my name in my siggie).

MOBI is for women who are/were unable to breastfeed, feel unsuccessful in breastfeeding, are/were experiencing severe breastfeeding problems, or experienced untimely weaning.

Purpose

The purpose of MOBI (Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues) is to give women a place to discuss their emotions over not being able to breastfeed successfully. Many women are unable to breastfeed because of milk supply problems, long or short term separation after the birth of their child, previous breast surgery or lack of support and are overwhelmed with feelings of disappointment, anger, sadness, inadequacy and many others. Some women suffer depression because of these issues. This list is not to discuss the pros and cons of breast over bottle. There are many other resources for that information. We are here to provide a safe atmosphere to share feelings and to connect with other women going through the same process.