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She wants me to take her to buy bras! UPDATE: shopping report post 6.

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
My boyfriend just called and while we were talking he said "DD (his daughter, not mine) wants to know if you can take her shopping tomorrow for some womanly things." Me:"Womanly things?" Him: "Yes, you know, bras. She doesn't want me to go with her." Her to him, in the background: "I brought you last time."

So cute! I thought she'd want her grandma or aunt to take her, or even wait a week until she was back at her mom's for her to take her, but she wants me!!

:

What an honor!
post #2 of 17
that's so sweet! She must feel very comfortable with you. Maybe you can make it into an extra special day and go to lunch and do something girly--manicure maybe? Whatever you do, I hope the two of you have fun together.
post #3 of 17
That is very cute and it is a good sign that she feels comfortable enough with you to want to include you in her growing up.

I want to carefully suggest that if this is the first time she has expressed a desire to wear a bra (and your post suggests that it is not with 'i brought you last time' to dad) that you think about contacting her mom or having her contact mom.

I mention this only because i have run into this situation and first hand experience tells me her mom would want to be included.

i think it is awesome though that she is close with you, you must be doing a great job!

-anj119
post #4 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by anj119
That is very cute and it is a good sign that she feels comfortable enough with you to want to include you in her growing up.

I want to carefully suggest that if this is the first time she has expressed a desire to wear a bra (and your post suggests that it is not with 'i brought you last time' to dad) that you think about contacting her mom or having her contact mom.

I mention this only because i have run into this situation and first hand experience tells me her mom would want to be included.

i think it is awesome though that she is close with you, you must be doing a great job!

-anj119
Well, if her mom had sent her up here with more than one pair of shorts (for a 7 week stay), and bought her the new underwear and bras that she needed before she got here, then she would have had the opportunity to go bra shopping with her daughter. (Ok, evil rant over.)

I feel that F. is old enough to know who she feels comfortable with, so I'm not going to suggest that she contact her mom. I don't feel it's my place to tell her what to do, and it's not her first bra. I think she had her dad bring her to get her first one. He said that she's much more open with him about that stuff than with her mom. And this is about what F. wants, not her mom.
(I think you hit a nerve. Sorry to sound like a raving b**** : )
post #5 of 17
Aw, Congrats! Thats awesome!

I agree with Jennifer, make a great girly day for just the two of you!
post #6 of 17
Thread Starter 
We had our shopping trip! Her dad ended up coming with us to the mall, but went to the book store while we shopped. He gave me $20 and said "I'll be back in 20 minutes." I was like "It's going to take longer than 20 minutes (and more than $20.00)." He can't understand why all women don't just wear sports bras - he thinks they look the most comfortable. Yeah, a bra that smooshes your boobs into your chest, comfy.

We went to the Limited, Too, and found a sales girl to help with figuring out a size since she didn't know her size. I measured her, and we started finding bras in her size. I told her to try on a bunch of different styles since you never know which will be comfortable. She didn't want anything with sparkles or too much lace (yes, sparkles and lace and rhinestones at the Limited, Too) which was good. I thought I was going to cry when I was sitting outside the dressing room, it was such an honor to be the one she chose to do this with.

When I realized that bras at that store are $20.00, I suggested getting one there that she liked, and then going to walmart to get a few more. So we rounded up her dad and went to walmart where she got some very cute ones for $5.00. I think I may have found my new bra store!

What a great experience this was. It's times like these that make the other stuff bearable.
post #7 of 17
I'm glad you guys had a great time.

post #8 of 17
Awww,sounds like you guys had a great time!
post #9 of 17
oh, I wanted to tell you about a store called Justice, Just for Girls. It's a sister company of Limited 2, but it's cheaper.
post #10 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheer mom
oh, I wanted to tell you about a store called Justice, Just for Girls. It's a sister company of Limited 2, but it's cheaper.
I've never heard of it, I wonder if they have them around here. Luckily she'd seen ads for Fruit of the Loom bras and undies for teens, which are sold at walmart so she was happy to go there.
post #11 of 17
i am not upset with you...... and yes, i think it is obvious my post hit a nerve.... but you are doing a very good job if thats your best impression of stark raving *****. ha!:


Walmart may be the antithesis of all things good and right, but who the hell can beat that place for a good deal, huh? I went shopping for a fat lady suit this summer (I'm finally over it, its time to swim!) some mall shopping and ebay browsing had me resigned to spending 80.00. : ... In swoops Walmart with the thirty dollar deal! hooray.... plus, just as nice a suit as the others i had looked at! oh hello, I'm

Congratulations for navigating a potentially difficult situation with finesse. I think it is an indicator of your own success as a step to have earned your sd's trust. When i tell you that your sensitivity regarding bio-mom is very near the surface, i know that you know that too. It is with the most firm belief in your instincts as a mom and with the most sincere wish for your continued success that i am going to say what I'm going to say next.

If you cannot conceive of sd's bio-mom caring at least as much as you do, your future communication with her is doomed before it even has a chance to start. I'm not saying you need to establish a chummy good buddy friendship w bio-mom, I'm not even saying you have to like her....... i am saying that it is in the best interest of your SD for you to acknowledge the importance of her mom in her life, and to be supportive of that relationship. It may seem like a no brainer to you -her biomom cant even pack clean underwear! I hear you! So, you send her home with clean underwear and some bras to boot.......... whats the harm? Probably none.

no harm done. thats good..... better than good, actually, considering the strong feelings you've expressed regarding bio-mom. My warning may seem excessive ........ maybe it is.......... my own experience is that SD will pick up on your feelings whether you state them or not. Your SD respects you, don't give her a moments doubt about your love for her, nor her mom's. It might surprise her, in a good way, that her mom would be interested...... and then she has you to thank for pointing that out. Both she and her mom would have you to thank for pointing that out.

I just don't want you to miss these early opportunities to establish yourself as a role model, for both of them.

best wishes and warmest regards,
anj119
post #12 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by anj119
i am not upset with you...... and yes, i think it is obvious my post hit a nerve.... but you are doing a very good job if thats your best impression of stark raving *****. ha!:


Walmart may be the antithesis of all things good and right, but who the hell can beat that place for a good deal, huh? I went shopping for a fat lady suit this summer (I'm finally over it, its time to swim!) some mall shopping and ebay browsing had me resigned to spending 80.00. : ... In swoops Walmart with the thirty dollar deal! hooray.... plus, just as nice a suit as the others i had looked at! oh hello, I'm

Congratulations for navigating a potentially difficult situation with finesse. I think it is an indicator of your own success as a step to have earned your sd's trust. When i tell you that your sensitivity regarding bio-mom is very near the surface, i know that you know that too. It is with the most firm belief in your instincts as a mom and with the most sincere wish for your continued success that i am going to say what I'm going to say next.

If you cannot conceive of sd's bio-mom caring at least as much as you do, your future communication with her is doomed before it even has a chance to start. I'm not saying you need to establish a chummy good buddy friendship w bio-mom, I'm not even saying you have to like her....... i am saying that it is in the best interest of your SD for you to acknowledge the importance of her mom in her life, and to be supportive of that relationship. It may seem like a no brainer to you -her biomom cant even pack clean underwear! I hear you! So, you send her home with clean underwear and some bras to boot.......... whats the harm? Probably none.

no harm done. thats good..... better than good, actually, considering the strong feelings you've expressed regarding bio-mom. My warning may seem excessive ........ maybe it is.......... my own experience is that SD will pick up on your feelings whether you state them or not. Your SD respects you, don't give her a moments doubt about your love for her, nor her mom's. It might surprise her, in a good way, that her mom would be interested...... and then she has you to thank for pointing that out. Both she and her mom would have you to thank for pointing that out.

I just don't want you to miss these early opportunities to establish yourself as a role model, for both of them.

best wishes and warmest regards,
anj119
I have mixed feelings regarding her mom. She kidnapped her daughter and tried to turn her against her dad, so that for the first few years after the custody arrangement, DSD thought that her dad hated her and was going to hurt her. To this day her mom tells her not to talk about things like wanting to live with her dad. These things make me hate her for what she has done to the people I love.

However, I know that she loves her daughters. I know that she thinks she is doing what is best for them most of the time. I know that she encourages them to express their artistic sides through the work she does. I try to keep these things in mind, and cultivate in my heart a bond with her (even though we have never met or spoken, and may never). This is difficult because it sometimes feels as though I am betraying my DP.

Her daughter told me that she (the mom) wants me to sew her a bag. We were talking about sewing and the things I've sewn for DSD, and she mentioned that her mom loved one of the bags I'd made and wanted me to make her one. Of course I answered "I'd love to make your mom a bag." And I meant it. I know it is the right thing to do. I mentioned it to DP and he didn't say much about it. I'm not sure if he would see it as a betrayal. I know that my relationship with her needs to be separate from his, but it is difficult when I see everyday the pain he feels over this whole situation.

I completely support DSD's relationship with her mom. But I choose to stay out of it unless she brings it up, which she doesn't unless in passing (such as to mention that her mom needed her waist size so that she could sign her up with a modeling agency.)

baby steps. baby steps.
post #13 of 17
Dear fex&fuzz,

I can tell by your response that you have a deep and beautiful heart. I can tell too, that you have given this issue deep consideration. I want to recognize that. I do.

By your reply too i am even more convinced that you are an immeasurably positive force in your sd's life. She is beyond lucky to have found you.... that goes double for her dad!

sincerely,
anj119
post #14 of 17
: I agree, F&F - you sound like a rockin' chick. DP & F are lucky to have you.
post #15 of 17
Thread Starter 
Hey, thanks ladies! I don't know if I've ever been called a rockin' chick before!
post #16 of 17
Coming in late, but I am glad things went well.

I'm nervouse about that since SD is 8.5 and might need a bra in a few years. Also she lives with us full time, but see's her mom about 3 - 6 days a month... SOOOOO... I know her mom might react negatively.
post #17 of 17
I find it incredibly sad that someone would choose to act negatively in a situation like that. Sad, disapointed, sure, but acting on it? Very unfortunate.
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