Originally Posted by aira
Do you think that the rest of us don't?
No sarcasm... I really wonder about this.
There are times when the only solution agreeable to the child will require the parent to set aside their needs. That is only natural, but I see a real imbalance in "consensual living" with the young child. The parent is the one who is able to bend and reconsider their wants and needs in order to accommodate the child. The child does not choose to alter their desires in order to accommodate the parent, even when doing so will ultimately benefit them. So a totally CL paradigm is very child-directed by necessity, and I don't think that is healthy. However the idea of trying to find mutually agreeable solutions whenever possible is very powerful and has been a real paradigm shift for me. So I am not anti-CL at all. I just think that it is not an adequate framework for parenting and that taken to an extreme it results in a way of life that I do not find...agreeable!
But I have found that I am unable to express myself very precisely on this issue because I am still sorting out my thoughts and, like CC, I have a 14-month-old, so yes, this is all mainly theoretical. I do feel like I need to add that disclaimer. IMO parenting a baby is very different from parenting a toddler is very different from parenting a school-age child, etc. Not to say that I can't have an opinion on parenting a school-age child but my understanding will necessarily be of a different sort than that of someone who is going through the actual parenting at this time. Kind of like how I was sure I knew every contingency that could happen during labor and birth and how to deal with that but when I actually went through it it was much different than I expected and I had different ideas about it afterwards than I did going in. Not that my ideas weren't valid beforehand, but they came from a different place and after giving birth I realized why some people are not really interested in hearing about labor and birth from a woman pregnant for the first time! So that experience humbled me and I do try to give a disclaimer when I discuss my opinion on things that I have not yet had personal BTDT experience with. Although I would hope my opinion is still valued, it may be valued in a different way.