|Curious. How would the CL parent handle this?|
Tripmom- you have triplets, right? I have no experience with that, but I'd guess at certain ages, 2 and 3 come to mind, that if all three were refusing at the same time, picking up and leaving, empathizing, validating, and reassuring something they enjoy will come next too might be the least stressful route. I don't know?
Several things helps leaving to be consensual here. One is if I know ahead of time there is a reason I will want to leave in a certain amount of time I can tell them that. 'Hey guys we haven't eaten dinner yet. Everyone wants to go to the schoolyard, so lets go for an hour and then come home so I can make dinner.' or 'Its gonna be dark in an hour and the park closes when it is dark, so we can stay for an hour and then go home.' And then just reminding them when it is time to go why we are leaving.
Another is going towards something else thay want, probably not as much as the park, but they have accepted that. Sometimes with ds it is as simple as offering a piggyback to the car. Or reminding him he wanted juice at the store and we've yet to make that trip. Or reminding them we need to go eat so we don't start feeling icky and grumpy.
And with the having to pee thing, I do expect my children to understand that, and many times they have. Recently we were at the pool (walking distance from our house) and I had to go to the bathroom. Dp and dd stayed and ds wanted to walk home with me. He wanted to carry the keys, so he did (we had done this the day before SMOOTHLY ). When we got to the door he wanted to unlock the door. He asked which key it was and I showed him. He started to go back through all the keys and ask is it this one, this one. So I showed him again which one and reminded him how bad I had to go pee. Well he wanted to play with the keys. Keys are fun. I took the keys from him and unlocked the door. He was quite upset. I apologized for taking the keys and explained to him that I had to go so bad it hurt and I didn't want to wait any longer. I think it is rude to take something from someone's hands like this, so I apologized. He accepted my apology and asked if I felt better. Afterwards I thought I could have assured him he could play with the keys for as long as he wanted after I went and it may have been enough for him to let go of what he wanted to do at that moment and see what I needed to do at that moment! It's not as if I think an occaisional instance of putting my needs before his is going to have some long lasting devestating effect on my son or our relationship. It's not as if I was beating myself up for taking the keys and being less than consensual. What it is like is I realized afterwards one small sentence may have made the difference for it to be consensual. My recognizing his want may have helped him recognize my need. All that aside it was said and done and I think recognizing his feelings of upset and being understanding did help him understand were I was coming from.