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IF you've cut your ds's hair - when? were you pressured?

post #1 of 38
Thread Starter 
my ds is 20 months old and has the most beautiful blond curly hair i've ever seen. if i wasn't such a computer doofus, i'd find a way to link you to a picture of it! anyways...it is very fine and curly - almost like ringlets. if wet, it goes past his shoulders, but dry, it curls right up and doesn't look as long. still, it's obviously longer than many typical "boys" cuts. he's gotten the "cute girl" comments which irk the hell out of me. they're always followed by "oh, i was just going by the curls" (as if boys can't have curls or something????).
so, dh is talking about the impending haircut about weekly now saying "it's gonna have to be done soon b/c it's getting too long". i can't get him to give me a real reason though. i'm sure it's a man thing - he's got a very military looking "high and tight" cut and he doesn't want anybody thinking his ds might be a sissy?!?!?!?! who knows? I DON'T WANT TO CUT IT!!! i don't know if it's baby hair issues or just the fact that i think it looks good. i mean, if it were in his eyes or looked totally unruly it might be different, but it looks fine!
so, my questions are:
1) did you let your ds's hair grow long and if so, how long or how old was he when he got his first trim?
2) if you have cut ds's LONG hair - did you trim it and leave it longer or go short?
3) who made the call - you or dh or were you able to come to an agreement?

post #2 of 38
ds had his first hair cut when he was 12ish months old. late considering my friend had her sons cut at like 5 months cause it grew like weess... at that time it was curly and girlish and beautiful. it was lighter then than now cause it had extra sunlight and room to flow. it started really getting into his eyes, he loves messy dairy foods and it would clump up his hair right after breakfast and started becoming a pain. also i got a lot of girl comments too cause it was curly and he has the perfect round face, little nose, and big blue eyes. he still gets mistaken for a girl sometimes with a 1/2 inch hair cut!!! dh had asked me whether i was going to get it cut months before i did. his curls were soooo cute!!! i finally let dh cut it because i felt fine with it. we went from long curls over his ears and forehead to 1/2 an inch of straight hair. big diff!! i don't "miss" the curls or anything. he looks great this way too. hes definatly much boyer (????) looking and its easier to keep it clean.

i would say that if your dh wants it cut short and you don't want it touched go somewhere inbetween. if you cut it a little on the long side you will still have waves and some curl but it won't be like having to put in a ponytail or anything.

BTW my dh IS military and has a shaved head.
post #3 of 38
I cut my son's hair when he was a bit over 3, and my mother cried. She thought I was so mean. : But he hated a pony tail and kept getting stray hairs in his eyes, which he also cried about. :
post #4 of 38
Thread Starter 
thanks for the responses so far. just to clarify - his isn't long enough for a pony tail (though i did catch dh trying to determine that for himself this evening!)
it stays neat and clean throughout the day. sometimes, we get a little messy at dinner, but then it's off to bath and no bother.
i will cry my eyes out if i cut it. does that make a difference?
post #5 of 38
My ds has beautiful light brown hair with little curls at the back. DH didn't want him to "look like a girl" and pressured me constantly til I cut ds' hair on his birthday. Gave him a little buzz cut and I cried. DH came home and realized I was right and agreed not to cut it again. He's now pressuring again because the IL's are coming to visit and he wants to have everything perfect. I told him that ds will never have an opportunity to have his hair long like this ever in his life (so long as dh is alive), and I never wanted to cut his hair until he was 2 anyway. I see Kate Hudson & Chris Robinsons little boy in pictures and he looks so cute with that little ponytail.
post #6 of 38
It should be your decision.

I had my dd1's hair shaved at 12 mos as part of Hindu tradition.

Dd2 was too sick to go to India for her head shaving so we let it grow until it got very wispy and tangly. It is not the best hair (she got my hair ) and it grows different lengths in different sections and gets very dry on the ends. So we are keeping hers very short, almost boy cut, until she gets older and maybe it will be thicker and easier to care for. We are going to India in a few mos and will have it shaved according to tradition. I have saved all of her cut hair so far and will add that to the pile to give to the temple.
post #7 of 38
I just gave ds his first haircut hte other day. He's 2 1/2. Dh has wanted to do it for a while, thought ds's hair was just wild and messy and plain old didn't look good and was getting in his way. I held off a long time, not wantint to cu tof those baby curls at the back and lose the 'baby' look-they seem so much older with big boy hairdos!
Basically it just got ot a point where ds was *constantly* trying to push it out of his eyes. It was long enough to tangle and look really ratty, but he hates having it combed and it doesn't stay put. Wasn't long enough to pull back. So when dh started pointing it all out to me, and saying we really should cut it, and I saw how often it was bothering ds, I figured it was time. Dh is just as much a parent as I am and as ds was getting older it started meaning more to dh to cut it and clean i tup than it meant to me to keep him loking like a baby.

So I cut it myself at home, and I htink I did a pretty god job. It's really short, doesn't need to be brushed, doesn't get in his eyes or tickle his neck, is cooler for the hot hot summer here, and looks pretty darn cute.

I'm happy with the decision. But at 20 months, no way
post #8 of 38
I hope you don't mind hearing from the other side. My ds will be 2 in August and I have not cut his hair except trimming his bangs. Dh was kind of opposed to it at first but he likes it now. At lot of people do call him a little girl but I gently correct them quickly. I don't plan to cut it unless he asks or it becomes a major upkeep issue. For now I just have to comb and wash it and trim his bang every couple of months.

Here's a pic. The length is mostly in the back but you can tell here better than in most of the other pics.
post #9 of 38
Well personally I have never liked long hair on boys or men so we keep ds trimmed up. Jake's hair grows super fast so he had his first hair cut when he was about 5 or 6 mos old. I don't quite remember now. He just gets a typical "little boy" hair cut. It's so warm here, usually about 105 or so right now, I can't imagine wanting hair on the back of his neck. I have long hair and with this heat it makes me sooo much hotter. I'm always trying to get it off my neck.

Oh and ds does well with the hair cut as long as I'm not the one who takes him apparently. Dh always did it before but right now he's deployed. I tried to take ds a few weeks ago and he FREAKED OUT so we had to leave. Finally my boss's boyfriend took him to get it cut and he did just fine. Must be a man thing lol.
post #10 of 38
Ds had really cute hair when it was shorter (a lovely little curl). But once ds' hair started to get long, it was so thick that it was simply unruly - basically it all came in on the top of his head and he looked silly (see here). He also needed eye surgery to remove a cyst and we had to cut it to keep it out of the eyes. He looked much better after both (see?)
Ok I just figured out how to link the text, and I'm having a blast!

But even if he didn't have all of the above, I would have cut it. But I like the way he looks in short hair. If you don't, don't do it!

Dd was the one where I cried when I cut her hair. She had lovely little curls, that were simply out of control. (Funny - my kids' hair is mostly out of control! ). It's chin length now, and it's going to have to be shorter -- it's still out of control!
post #11 of 38
I cut DS's hair when he was 16 mos (just the back). It was curly at the ends and really cute right after it was washed, but like DH and me, DS has very thin hair, and by the end of the day it always looked stringy and limp. Plus, as the weather got hotter I could tell his neck would be cooler if I trimmed his hair. So I did it-- we took lots of pictures, video taped it, and saved the trimmings. It was kind of sad, but DS really seems more comfortable now. Be prepared, though, I was shocked at how much older he looked once those baby curls were cut off!
post #12 of 38
He was 4 years and 2 months old... I got tired of the 'what a pretty girl' comments and stuff. That, and it was soooooo hot.

And yep, he does look sooo much older w/his baby curls cut off.. I didn't even think of video taping it, but I did get lots of pictures, a 1st. haircut certificate and some locks of hair.
post #13 of 38
My ds is 21 mos, and he has never had a cut or trim. It hasn't grown very long yet, though. He also has blonde hair that curls. It is really whispy and pretty. We don't plan for him to have the typical "boy cut" until he chooses too. We are a fan of longer hair on boys.

Here is my son now...he will be 2 in Oct:

My dd has also never had a hair cut, FWIW - just a small trim of her ends. She has the same blonde hair, very thick and wavy.

Don't let anyone external of your family pressure you. If it is your dh...that is a hard one. Maybe offer to give it a trim often so it doesn't get scraggley, but really, you only get to pick your child's hairstyle for a few years, and it probably won't be too long before your dh gets his wish for a short-haired son! Good luck mama!
post #14 of 38
Ds1 has super fast growing hair, so it has often gone through stages of being long. I love it long, but I then I would miss seeing his little face, so we would cut it short, which was also awfully cute. When we cut his hair last year for holiday pictures, he said he wanted to grow it long, which is exactly what he's been doing. Again, I think it's super cute, but I miss seeing his face (it's always falling in his face). My MIL is horrified by it and is always pressuring us to cut it, but it's his hair. Of course your ds is smaller, so it's more up to you and dh. I'm not sure what to do if you two disagree. I guess I'm not much help!

Ds2 is two years old and has never needed or gotten a haircut. So different from ds1!
post #15 of 38
I wouldn't have chosen to cut ds' hair when we did. But dw wanted to cut it very badly and waited as long as she could stand it, and recently finally gave him his first cut (he's 15 months). She had earlier tried to convince me we should do it on his first birthday, but I just wouldn't have it.

For us it wasn't really an issue of him looking like a girl. Speaking for myself, that wouldn't have really bothered me. Two issues bugged dw and caused her to finally cut his hair--

1. It grew in a mullet. Shorter on top and up front than it did in the back. dw hated that look.

2. And more significantly, ds also has the most beautiful curly hair. The problem is that it becomes frizzy really easily, even with infrequent hair washing, frequent conditioning, and regularly applying an oil to it (a routine we had slowly developed over time). We would get it looking good in the morning, and less than an hour or two later it was a tangled, frizzy mess and we had to actually be careful not to hurt him trying to comb it out. It drove dw up the wall (maybe partly because her hair is the same).

I did get pretty teary when dw cut it. I really didn't want her to. I never thought I would do this, but I actually saved a lock from the cut. I still love the look of his long hair, but for what it is worth, I have gotten used to the look of his slightly shorter hair.
post #16 of 38
We cut DS's hair around 17 months because it was looking mangey but if your DS's looks good, I see no problem with keeping it!
post #17 of 38
I wouldn't cut it based on being pressured by other people. I didthat with my first son when he was about 2 and totally regretted it till it grew back out. Both of my boys were 2 when they got their first haircut. My older son has hair to the bottom of his ears and my younger son's hair is about 2 inches longer than that.
post #18 of 38
Ds cut his own hair some when he was about 4 and then cried when he saw it in the mirror. I evened it up for him then and I trimmed the ends right before he started kindergarten last fall but those are the only times he's had a trim or cut. He is 6.5 now and his hair reaches his waist. It is fairly curly, no bangs--he just wears it in a braid down his back almost all the time to keep the brushing easy. Yes, people often assume he is a girl but he has no problem telling people they are wrong and he absolutely loves his long hair. Right now, he has no intention of cutting it short and I think that's great. It is his hair, his choice.
Oh and people did used to ask when we were going to cut his hair but that very quickly turned into just were we going to cut his hair at all and now people just don't ask. No pressure really ever, just curiosity.
post #19 of 38
Thread Starter 
OK - i STILL couldn't figure out how to link you to a photo of him : how do you DO THAT????

back to topic: thanks everyone for your responses. I personally liked USAmma's best who told me it should be my decision I know it sounds selfish but i feel like if i'm going to be sad about it but my husband doesn't appear to be very ill-affected by leaving it long, then it should stay put. only if it were affecting him negatively emotionally at this point would there be justification in cutting it!!!

also, most of you mentioned "baby curls". what does that mean? does that mean ds's hair is destined to be straight once it's cut? do most babies have curls? please say it isn't so! THAT is one of the reasons i can't bear to cut it! many people have said, "just wait til you cut it - they'll all be gone".

i'm sure this is alot of "hang on to the baby phase" stuff, but i do admit i like it long and before ds, i too was someone who very much disliked long hair on men. now, i'm MUCH fonder of it!

thanks again everyone! i'll be sure to share this with dh!
post #20 of 38
ds was just over 3 years old... he had gorgeous curls and ringlets and it wasn't the girl comments that bothered me, it often got full of food and needed to be washed much more than he was happy with. His dad wasn't very happy that I had his hair cut but ds really didn't care about it and it was difficult to look after. He didn't loose his curl after it was cut (I never went really short with it) and he is just now (age 10) starting to grow it longer again.
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