First son circ'd, now what?

[adoremybabe]

My DH and I had our son circ'd when he was born. That was one year ago. We were there, the doctor was experienced, DS was numbed, and he sucked on my finger with sugar water. I knew that there were people who didn't get circ'd but never really came to terms with the fact that it is not normal. Its just a religious custom in a religion that I am not a part of.

So, now if we ever have another boy this will come up again. Do any of you have husbands that have been circumsized without problems? Have your husbands decided that circumsizing is wrong? If so, how did they come about that conclusion?

[Lula's Mom]

My DP has problems from his circumcision, but he didn't really recognize that they were caused by the circ. He has hidden penis when it is not erect. He just thought he was abnormally small. When he is erect, he is more normal-size, but he has hair on the shaft, his testicle skin gets pulled up on the shaft, he has awful pitting and scarring and a very dry, keratinized glans. His frenulum is gone, and I mourn the loss of the pleasure I should be able to give him from that. He still enjoys sex, like most men, and it's sad for both of us in a way that we ever learned about these complications. Ignorance was bliss. But I am hoping he will restore his foreskin one day.

He was not against leaving our baby intact, because he knows I do my research on everything. I don't think he had ever really realized it was an option not to circ; it's just what was done. Since I said it was wrong and harmful, that was enough for him. But he has read many articles and seen pictures, because I wanted him to be an intactivist too (which he is, though he is by nature shy, so it's hard for him.)

I think the best thing to do is to find out what reasons DH would have for wanting other sons circ'ed, and go from there. We can help you to counter any argument, and give you resources to learn about the benefits of having a foreskin. A lot of people don't realize what the foreskin really is and does: read this.

ETA: This is a good article from Men's Health Magazine, 1998. I think this was the first thing my ex-husband and I ever read about circ. We were appalled.

[kldliam]

my reply to you

"I knew that there were people who didn't get circ'd but never really came to terms with the fact that it is not normal."

I don't understand what you mean here. What's not normal? The cut penis or the intact one?? "Normal" to me is the healthy "equipment" that you are naturally born with.

"Its just a religious custom in a religion that I am not a part of."

Why did you do it may I ask?

"So, now if we ever have another boy this will come up again."

Are you saying that you are considering leaving the next son intact?

"Do any of you have husbands that have been circumsized without problems?"

Preventable birth trauma is a 'problem' for anyone who is subjected to circumcision. The 'problem' of whose body and whose rights is also
one that belongs strictly to those who were circumcised without their consent, whether or not they realize it yet.

"Have your husbands decided that circumsizing is wrong?"

Yes. My husband is not happy that his body was altered without his consent. I know many many men that feel the same way (read here):

http://www.genitalintegrity.net/blou...t-ouch-started

http://montagunocircpetition.org/com...?endorsers=ind

"If so, how did they come about that conclusion?"

By getting educated about what the purpose and function of the male prepuce (foreskin) is. Once you know what it is and why it is there, it is natural to feel angry that it was taken from you without your consent.

Get the facts here:

1. http://www.nocirc.org
2. http://www.stopinfantcircumcision.org
3. http://doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/
4. http://www.jewishcircumcision.org
5. http://www.noharmm.org
6. http://www.cirp.org/
7. http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org
8. http://www.circumstitions.com/
9. http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/circumci.html
10. http://www.catholicsagainstcircumcision.org
11. www.icgi.org

[dynamohumm6]

No one that has been circed "doesn't have problems", imo. They may not know they HAVE the problem, but it does exist. Chafing, tight erections, needing lube, needing more intense, "pounding" stimulation to climax...all these things are products of circumcision that have just been "normalized" by our society.

[kristenok18]

My dh is circ'd, and when we found out we were having a boy, was adamant that it should be done. I showed him my research, including a father's description of watching his infant son be circ'd. He decided that there was no way he'd let anything like that happen to his son, and has since become very angry that he has been mutilated and deprived of everything that the foreskin would have given him.

Kristen

[Yoshua]

my step son is circed
if i have a boy of my own, I won't circ.


When you know better you do better and that is what we will say to the boys.

[CalebsMama05]

my first son was circ'd...my 2nd is intact.

like yoshua says...when u know better u do better.

[alegna]

I was coming to say- When you know better you do better, but youshua beat me to it

-Angela

[~Megan~]

Its been a process for us. First we were upset about one part and then another and another. I feel like RIC is just a pack of lies on so many levels.

First of all we were really upset that it was done and presented as a medical procedure when its not one at all.

Then we were upset when we realized how important the foreskin is to the penis.

Later we became upset when we learned that very few doctors know how to provide the best pain relief and that parents are often told that the baby just went to sleep when really they went into shock.

There are so many reasons not to circumcise and not really any that I can think of as to why someone would want to do so. Of course there is the whole religious aspect but we don't discuss that in this forum. For us though we aren't Jewish or Muslim so there was no reason for religious circumcision.

[adoremybabe]

Thanks for all of your input. I will definately be arming myself with facts and stats so that when the time comes I can talk to my husband about it. I just hope that guilt for circ-ing our son doesn't overwhelm me. I pray that he doesn't have serious troubles in the future. I love, "when you know better, you do better".

Celia

[Bm31]

I experienced it myself. My circ as an infant was very loose which led to adhesions, with the constant attempts to keep re-separate them pretty much destroying the ridge around my glans with scar tissue. Eventually this led to a re-circ when I was six. That one went the other way and was too tight. My penis became buried/trapped. It looks fairly "normal" when erect, though because of the tightness pulls hair up over halfway onto the shaft from my groin. And that is not the skin it is meant to be covered with, so the sensation is almost nil. Also I had the complication of meatol stenosis (sp?) following the re-circ which led to the doctor cutting a new hole below the original one on the head of my penis.

Like another poster said, so many of the complications of circ are accepted and normalized in this society. I knew I always hated my penis and didn't derive much pleasure from it, but for years I still believed it must have been my fault or that I just had a faulty, problematic penis. I now realize there wasn't anything wrong with it that wasn't caused by this idiocy.

[kldliam]

i am so sorry

Dear BM31

i can't express to you how sad and angry I am about your preventable circ trauma. I could kill the doctors who did this to you. i hate them. I hate the societal sickness called 'routine infant circumcision'. It is madness. I will never ever stop fighting to end this insanity. :

[newcastlemama]

My dh was circed and had complications...I will try not to be too TMI.
I think he had to go back at 3 and 13 and be worked on. Though I would not have noticed a problem at all..I just know because he shared that with me
So, he was totally open to no-circ with our boy!
The point is--All dh went through was totally avoidable by not circing.

Adoremybabe-We are all learning and doing the best we can...I have done things just to learn more and wish I could go back too...

Blessings,
Jennifer

[trmpetplaya]

Originally Posted by adoremybabe

Thanks for all of your input. I will definately be arming myself with facts and stats so that when the time comes I can talk to my husband about it. I just hope that guilt for circ-ing our son doesn't overwhelm me. I pray that he doesn't have serious troubles in the future. I love, "when you know better, you do better".

Celia

's You can always give your ds info about restoring when he's older too

love and peace.

[veganf]

The only "problem" my husband has being circ'd is me wishing he weren't. I prefer the feeling of a foreskin, prefer not to have to endure that final pounding to reach climax, prefer not to have to use a lubricant, etc.

But he didn't really question the logic of not circumcising his sons. He doesn't think it makes sense, and doesn't understand why anyone would choose to do that to their baby. He definitely thinks it's wrong, and feels more strongly against it after learning what a circumcision really entails (he hasn't the stomach to watch a circ video).
He doesn't seem to regret being circumcised (simply because he never experienced what he's missing). But he doesn't think it's right to do to a baby who doesn't have a choice.

[myfairbabies]

My dh is circ'd, never had any major problems, but of course experiences all the ones that are considered normal. He was all for circ and wouldn't even listen to me at first. I finally got him to watch a video and he was shocked. After that I would just tell him a little something I had read about and then leave it, not pressuring him. One day, he told me that he was against circing too, I was so happy! He has since called and yelled at his parents for circing him. His biggest issue is that it is not his penis, so he should not be able to cut part of it off. GL!