Why do people care if DS is circ'd

[lisap]

I can't tell you how many people have asked me this question and most of the time when I say no they look at me funny. But what business is it of theirs? I went to my OB for a 6 wk PP and she asked if DS was circ'd and when I said no she said "good you you!". I was surprised and happy that I didn't get the usual strange look.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

No one has asked me other than family so far. I still cant get over the fact that fil thought it was ok to talk to me about my son's penis. :

[kldliam]

obsessed

it's the cultural obsession with the penis I suspect. And the cultural obession with making sure it's been cut-up properly.

[Pandora114]

I wouldn't answer their question with a yes or no. I'd look at them like they were some sort of sick sex offender, clutch my baby to my breast and walk away VERY slowly and go "OMG THAT PERVERT WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT MY SONS PENIS!!!!"

[A&A]

Oh, that's the perfect time to say, "Why in the name of heaven would I mutilate my son????!"

[paminmi]

You know what, I have to stand and admit that I on occasion ask if the baby was circumcised. (Of course, in hopes the answer is NO!) At times when I don't directly ask, I may still try to find out by beating around the bush, so to speak.

I don't personally have a problem with this. Try to consider it a potentiial opportunity to educate others about the intact penis and why parents shouldn't circumcise.

Who knows, the person asking might just be someone like me... Hoping to hear the baby's intact, NOT because the are a perv in any way!

[Mary-Beth]

I'm always curious if my friends and family and people I meet circ'd their sons...I don't ask but to be honest I'd like to know and if they become pregnant I always try to find a way to bring the topic up so I can discuss the benefits of not circing. I don't think I'm sick for wanting to know. It's becasue I live in a culture that routinely does something I think is at best, unnecessary...and actually quite hurtful and I'd like to see the end of RIC. I don't judge other mama's who circ'd but I do wonder if they really made an informed choice.

[ColoradoMama]

Honestly, I wish people WOULD ask me. I have lots of information that I would love to share with people - I'm even prepared for jerks! No one asks. My son is older now - but when he was younger people didn't ask. I THINK this new baby is a boy, so we'll see if it changes. It's not like I can say to people, "So, we left him intact - wanna know why?"

[BurgundyElephant]

Originally Posted by paminmi

You know what, I have to stand and admit that I on occasion ask if the baby was circumcised. (Of course, in hopes the answer is NO!)

I never ask someone who has a newborn or baby boy. If they said yes I'd be very sad.

I *DO* ask every pregnant woman... "Do you know what you're having? Oh a boy! How fun! You're not going to circumcise him, right?" Then I can give my spiel about how rates are dropping, it's totally un-needed, and not needed in the LDS faith.

[smeep]

No one ever asks me. The only people that ever ask me are the other crunchy (or semi-crunchy) moms who either have intact sons, or plan to leave any future sons intact. I've never been asked from someone who circ'd.

[+stella+]

I think so too, why do they care? But then I think... I know I wonder about just about every boy I meet. Is that different? Somehow I dont think it is, but to me its the difference about wondering the of the pain and agony he went through already, with them wondering about the pain and agony they think he MIGHT go through since I didnt circ him. Does that make sense? In a very broad way, I can see why they care, same reason I do. But, they are ignorant... thats all it is. They see circ is something that should be done for the child's sake and I see it something that should never be done for the child's sake. So yeah, Id try not to be weirded out by them wondering, and educate educate educate! And if they still act like a jack*** about it... all you can do is feel sorry for them, maybe a little condescension is allowed then,. heh.

[Christy1980]

i usually dont have to ask, the ones that circ always tell me they did it, like they are so proud of it. and the ones that dont say anything about i usually find out later that they didnt circ.

[sincitymama]

I think it's just because circumcision is still done fairly regularly to babies. When you talk about babies, you talk about that stuff. Maybe I've just been around too many babies with a family that doesn't shy away from these kinds of topics-to me it seems just as normal as asking how hte bellybutton is doing or if they've rolled over or if you had an epidural or if nursing is going ok or whatever.

[njeb]

This seems to have changed since I had kids. I left my sons intact at a time and place when almost no one else did, yet no one ever asked me whether or not my sons were circ'ed. (My sons were born in 1979 and 1987). Maybe everyone just assumed they were, unless they saw me changing their diapers. Of course, we didn't ever talk about it. It wasn't the hot button issue that it is today.

With the circ. rate approaching 50/50, we seem to be more polarized today, with both sides fiercely defending their choices. My generation, in particular, is going to be very defensive when they find out that circumcision isn't necessary. Perhaps that's why there are so many negative MIL stories on this board.
My advice? Be gentle with them. Say something like, "I know the doctors recommended it back when dh was born, but now they know differently. We decided not to do it to ds." Keep in mind, too, that many hospitals in the 60's and 70's just went ahead and circ'ed babies without bothering to get the parents' permission. Your MIL may not have had the opportunity to decline the procedure.
As far as the current generation is concerned, you can try to educate them. Their asking about it presents a wonderful opportunity to do so.
Good luck!

[KnitLady]

No one has ever asked me about my son! When I was pg my mother did ask me (with tears in her eyes) if I had to circ him or not. She was so happy when I told her I didn't and I wasn't! Way to go, Mom!

I don't ask other ppl if their sons are intact (afraid of the answer). I figure, by then, it's too late. I do plan to talk to any friends I have that get pregnant with little boys though!

[calngavinsmom]

Originally Posted by ColoradoMama

Honestly, I wish people WOULD ask me. I have lots of information that I would love to share with people - I'm even prepared for jerks! No one asks. My son is older now - but when he was younger people didn't ask. I THINK this new baby is a boy, so we'll see if it changes. It's not like I can say to people, "So, we left him intact - wanna know why?"

: My fellings exactly! Use questions like that as an opportunity to educate You never know how many minds you can change (and babies you can save) with a few well thought out responses.

Take care,
Tara

[phoebemommy]

Originally Posted by njeb

My generation, in particular, is going to be very defensive when they find out that circumcision isn't necessary. Perhaps that's why there are so many negative MIL stories on this board.
My advice? Be gentle with them.

Wow, that's really interesting. I've been struck by the number of MIL threads I've seen, and have been blown away by my own MIL's combination of defensiveness and intrusiveness since before we were married even, but especially since I've been pregnant. She's a smart woman, and realizes when she's ignorant on a subject, but her knee-jerk reaction to every issue we face is to jump in and loudly tell us the "right" way to do things. I'm proud to say DH tackled the circumcision issue early on -- he told her that he didn't blame her for it since it was just what was done, but he very much regretted her decision, that he believed it affected their relationship for life, and that we would not be subjecting our son to the same thing. My sense was that it hit her pretty hard, but I never connected it to her defensive intrusiveness. This has all extended far beyond circumcision to homebirth, the unusual name we've chosen, cloth diapering, etc., and I'm sure it will continue into our child rearing choices. Amazingly, her comment about homebirth was "sigh, I guess I'm just old fashioned about these things," until DH pointed out that homebirth was really the old fashioned, time honored way to go. She also tends to add that she's thinking of our best interests and wants very much to share her life experience. It's so surprising to me that instead of asking questions to get a sense of how well we know what we're getting into and THEN offering life experience, she immediately condemns anything new to her. Then, when we educate and explain things, she says, hmmm, I guess I didn't know much about that.

What's so interesting, though, is that she also gets defensive/intrusive about the more traditional paths we've chosen in our marriage, some of which she herself takes fervent pride in following. That I do the dishes and laundry and iron DH's shirts really bugs her -- she has lectured both of us on the injustice of this kind of behavior -- even though she's totally and agressively house- wifey with both FIL and DH. In those instances I think her mind is kind of battling between two generations of thought -- her own parents were comfortable with the idea that women belong in the kitchen and rearing babies, and she was raised with this sensibility at home, but was strongly influenced by the feminist movement from the outside, so she's very conflicted, I think. But at the same time, the message I get sometimes is that ironing DH's shirts is her turf, and that I've stolen it from her.

Anyway, this goes a bit off topic, but I think you have really hit on why people care if DS's are circed. They're scared to consider that their own past decisions may have had lasting detrimental effects. And I think you're right, handling it gently is probably the most mature, productive way to go. But boy, does it instill in me the urge to lay the smack down.

[ShaggyDaddy]

A friend of mine who immigrated from England (Indian Descent) asked if we were going to circ. I knew my audience so I smiled and said "I am not going to propagate that barbaric American custom." He laughed and gave a sigh of relief. Then our other friend chimed in and said "It will look so weird. My son is definatly going to be."

The ensuing 2 on 1 (friendly) arguement had no effect