Jealousy....

[Zach'smom]

I feel like a really horrible friend right now.

I have a great friend and we both have one child. We both have infertility problems and took us both a long time and a lot of medical intervention and money to get pregnant with our first baby. She had 3 frozen embryos left from when she got pg with her son. They did IVF again with the frozen embryos and she is pg again.

I am so happy for her. I am also horribly jealous and all I want to do is cry. I want to be pg. I want to have another baby. I thought I was over all of this. DS is 4.5 y/o already. DH does not want to go through treatment again and is content with just one. I am not. Ughh..... Just gotta get over it. How do I deal with the next nine months?

[juju's mom]

I don't know what to say, but I know how you feel.

[Dena]

Oh, I am so sorry, honey.

I know how you feel too - I think we all do. Dd has a little playmate whose mom is pg with #2, and that has been hard, too. I don't think there is much that is worse for a woman than to have a childbearing/rearing desire go unfulfilled. It is just a lonely ache that men simply don't understand, no matter how kind they are or how sympathetic.

I can understand dh's reluctance to go through all the treatment again, I know it is hard on the guys, but does he really understand how you feel about a second? Could you re-open the discussion at all? Maybe after some time and distance he would feel differently?

Hoping you get some resolution and peace soon.

[kristenok18]

I'm so so sorry. : My younger sister is due to have her 2nd baby in a few weeks, and it as been a *really* long year for us. I'm happy for them, but after she told us I just came home and sobbed (so did dh). It's so crushing to be so close to it, to not be able to turn away and pretend it's not happening. I probably didn't handle it as well as I could, but they didn't realize how upset we'd be about it when they told us (especially considering *how* they announced it!). I couldn't bring myself to call and chat for a couple of months (but she was working, busy with ds, and not feeling great, so she wouldn't have had time to chat anyway). When we did start talking more, I shyed away from any pregnancy/baby talk. I can talk to her more about it now, but not the way I did while she was pg with her first. I called last night to offer to come out and stay sometime after the baby is born, which I didn't think I'd be able to do. We'll see how it goes once it happens.

I hope that your dh will soften to the idea, at least enough to open the discussion again.



Kristen

[OTMomma]

Infertility SUCKS! I too have a 4 year old, we've been ttc #2 since she turned 2, with no luck. But I just wanted to say, don't let the age spacing make you think its too late to try for another. Having a larger space between kids would just mean that its easier for you, than it would have been to have them closer (I keep telling myself 2 in diapers at once would have been very hard). I do hope you can bring your dh around.

[2blacksheep]

Just wanted to express my sympathy as well. I don't know if it ever gets easier.

Both my SILs had babies while we were still ttc and SIL #2 even became pg with #2 while we were still TTC. That one threw me for such a loop I didn't think I'd ever be able to look at her.

I don't know how you'll survive the next few months but many s.

[Dena]

Jen,

We had that happen, too. Our younger SIL got pg with #1 right about the time we started ttc, and actually came home from the hospital with #2 the day I FINALLY found out I was pg (with our Sofie! - oh, and my dd was due on your dd's birthday, only a year earlier. odd.) I didn't see her for the whole of her pg. I just couldn't face it.

I don't think it really does get easier, even once you have one. All the same worries and fears have come rushing back now that we are ttc #2, compounded by my now "advanced" maternal age and the feelings of guilt and greed that I should even want another, when we already have this beautiful little girl.

[JenniferH]

It's SO hard, especially when it's someone close to you. I just found out my best friend is pregnant again. This is right after she tells me she doesn't want anymore children because she's not sure she and her husband are staying together. Talk about a kick in the teeth.

[Dena]

Ha. Yeah. My friend who is pg again is happy about it and all that, but she really wanted to wait awhile to start up her practice, and here I am wanting a baby NOW and having to wait. I try to tell myself everyone has their own paths and lessons to learn, but on days like today, with a bfn in my bathroom trash can and af starting, I am not buying it. :

[harmoni]

I'm sorry
I guess I am luck that none of my friends are married yet and are very careful with their BC and none of my family members are really of child bearing age. I do feel for you though. I have an internet friend who was planning on leaving her boyfriend and taking their son with her and then she decides to break ti off with this other guy and gets pregnant by her boyfriend. On top of that the girl is on freaking welware. They live off of housing assistance, WIC and welfare money for food. It just makes me so mad how someone like this can get pregnant, but ladies like us who have good stable relationships and are financially stable cant get pregnant.

[pokabelly]

Just wanted to say I am sorry too I do know exactly how you feel though. I have a 12 yr old and have wanted another since he was 5 and had to go through hearing about many, many (I have lost count) pregnancies in the family or from friends in that time. Dh did not want another though but he eventually changed his mind however we have been ttc for over 9+ months w/no luck. Since we have been trying, 4 in the family have gotten preg and just a few days ago we found out our sil who did not want one and is on drugs is preg. Plus she says she is not going to stop as there is no known proof that it affects the baby according to her! So I have feelings of happiness for the "good" ones but also jealousy/ hurt at the same time and so much anger twords the sil who is on the drugs but is not going to stop doing them because she doesn't care. I just don't understand it! Anyway, it is real hard- sometimes all I do is cry and some days are better than others but it really does me help to talk about it. Sorry I am not much help as I am not sure what to tell you to do to get through it besides that. I myself can at least avoid my sil for the most part if I have too but it is kind of hard to do that with a gf. Maybe your dh will change his mind like mine did but hopefully not as long as it took for mine.

[Kajira]

It's perfectly normal to feel this way, just accept that.
I've felt so happy for friends who concieved but still I had a might big pity party for me when it happened, it's just how it goes with IF.
As for dealing with the pregnancy, try to do as much as you are comfy with, don't force yourself, give your friend as much support as you can and

And don't worry about the spacing, I faced secondary IF, I'm currently preg and there will be 10 years between my 2 kids

[Pookietooth]

to you, I'd be torn up with jealousy too. Esp. since we can't afford fertility tx now.