are there some dads out there that

[CerridwenLorelei]

might be willing to give me some insight from the other side?
I will come back and check later -about to head out the door but wanted to see if I could get some husband type feedback..

[Lucky Charm]

Bump

[Rotifer]

Ok, what are you looking for feedback on?

[Dunn_Dad______]

ok, I'm listening.....

[CerridwenLorelei]

Thank you --some of the

questions have changed and one really important one I can't remember right now -my pacemaker plays havoc with my STR
and I am so steamed right now I am afraid that what I say won't come out right
I thank you for being willing to give me the other side and will be back in a day or two to ask

[papachee]

nothing like suspense

we'll be here

[CerridwenLorelei]

Thank you all for your patience -this is long

Now normally I am more "guyish" than he is -no no no not anything like that ! I was raised mainly by my dad and Uncle and am a tomboy to this day
he does illness -well he used to anyway and I did the first aid
Usually he can commiserate with some of the wives at work because they are complaining about their dh's and I am doing the same thing the dh's are LOL

NOw my first question is do all lot of Dh's do this: He can do/say something and its fine but if one of us does it oh Katy bar the door
For an example I lose it and yell at the kids -them I am losing it , he is worried about them being with me and maybe I need to see someone about it
He yells at them -its ok that is what Dad's do and part of life attitude
There are other things he does this with and it makes me nuts -the counselor I see even says it is not good


RIght now we are in one car hell. I am trying to fix that but he keeps changing what is ok and what is not on me. This is putting a ton of stress on me since i have to take him in. His work, our hs group/drs etc are in the neighboring city which is a 45 min drive both ways.
He works hard and has a ton of projects right now and just got another one dumped on him after another lay off. He pretty much wants to come home and either go to bed or play his computer game. That is fine because he is usually a bear anyway. Some days I am a bit of a bear-I have an autoimmune disorder and have bad days more than not, homeschool all four kiddos, run the house, am not doing so well with training the stupid ( literally he is ) puppy, taking care of our older one who had major hip surgery , running all the errands that need to be done etc
THat said I TRY to stay out of his way. He is bugged if I go in the other room but he is bugged if I am in here or sometimes if we all are but if I take them to my room he gets annoyed. ( there isn't much where to go since the house is TINY and there is two more years til we can fix that)
What can I do if i am damned if I do and damned if I don't?
He doesn't want to do things on the weekends but if I do do something with the kids he gets mad for not being included but why ask if I know he is going to want to just stay here?


I FINALLY after a year got him to go the dr the other day. ANY time I have something troublesome going on if I don't make an appt he will but it took me a year to get him for his apnea and diabetes management. WHY ??????? is it a macho thing?


some things since the day I posted are being looked at so I guess until they come up again I am clear on those LOL

Any insight would be appreciated

[Rotifer]

He can do/say something and its fine but if one of us does it oh Katy bar the door ... He yells at them -its ok that is what Dad's do and part of life attitude ... he keeps changing what is ok and what is not on me ... He pretty much wants to come home and either go to bed or play his computer game. He doesn't want to do things on the weekends but if I do do something with the kids he gets mad for not being included ...

Speaking from experience (rather than a professional point of view), your husband appears to be a controlling, insecure individual and, possibly, clinically depressed. When combined with the fact that you are shouldering a disproportionate household burden (and suffering from a stress related illness), your relationship is in serious trouble. We've only heard one side of the story, of course, but your husband should be discussing his with a counselor. My guess would be that he will resist counseling. If so, let him know that a change is necessary and you will make one - regardless of whether he chooses to cooperate - for the benefit of your children. Be strong and good luck.

[CerridwenLorelei]

thanks we

saw the counselor again today who said that he felt really bad because both of us were under a lot of stress, in pain and there wasn't a solution at this point

And of course it later turned into another bash me point -**I** am the hostile one, the one who causes the probs etc
when I mentioned that MAYBE my hostility was in retaliation he pointed out that the problem was that I was hostile

so round the merry go round again and again
the counselor did give us an assignment but I am not sure that my stubborness, resentment and pride will be able to carry it out

Thanks for the input!

[papachee]

Ummm I said I would be here so I had better say something.

... Wow. You sound like you have so many things going on! I can relate to some of them, but everything combined would drive anyone batty.

Venting here is good. It sounded like you really needed to get all of that out.

It is good that you are in counceling together, this is something you need to work out together.

Keep trying to include him in yours and the kids lives. Invite him out even if you know he doesn't want to go. Sometimes we all have to be dragged out of the house. Having your DH distant from things won't help anyone. If he feels more a part of things he is more likely to see family problems as a shared responsibility.

good luck

[CerridwenLorelei]

thanks Papachee

Due to illness the assigment had to be instigated on its own! So here I am stuck with it LOL
ok not so funny as I feel like a mack truck hit me ...

I have tried the invite even knowing and gave up after being fussed at either way. I will think about trying to do it again ...