Should we have a happy thread? What we love about being a step-parent.

[fek&fuzz]

This thread is for those things that we love about being a step-mom, heart-mom, belle-mere (french for step-mom and my favorite) or super-duper girlfriend to a dad, or what we love about the dear children. Then on those days when maybe we forget why we love it, we can read this and remember.
(And if we can get this going, I'll pm the mod and maybe we have have our very own sticky!)

I'll start.

I love that she chose me to take her bra shopping.

I love that she copies things that I do.

I love that she wants to know about me when I was younger.

I love that her dad trusts me enough to drive her places.

I love that she opened up a whole part of my heart that I never knew was there.

I love that I love her even though I didn't give birth to her, and that she loves me, too.

I love that it breaks my heart to have her leave, since that means that I am happy when she is here.

I love how her dad refers to us as a "family", even though I don't live with them.

I love remembering how it felt the first time she rested her head on my shoulder, or leaned into me, or collapsed exhausted on me after running around, or grabbed my arm when we went swimming, or took my hand, or smiled at me, or wanted to go somewhere with me, or laughed at something I said or asked my opinion of something or said she loved me.

[Shenjall]

Aw, you're bringing tears to my eyes. :

I love that they write "mom" on cards/gifts even though they call me by my first name.

I love that they've taught me a whole new level of patience.

I love that they have completely different personalities from mine - and have taught me new ways to look at life.

I love that I got a "happy birthday from your daughter with love" card from my dsd.

That she picked me for the "most influential person" on her autobiography.

That they feel comfortable enough to come to me to ask, "can you help me make something for my mom for xmas?"

I love that when asked by someone which of your kids did you not give birth too?, I couldnt remember.

I love (and am honored) that during 9/11, when dss was freaked out at school, he had his dad pick him up then call me to tell him it was going to be okay. (we wouldnt believe it from anybody else)

I love that I have a large family (6 kids) but only had to give birth 3 times! Woo Hoo!

My dsd sucks at social studies like me.

My dss is teaching me to play soccer. And says I'm pretty good even though he's lying thru his teeth.

I love that raising our blended family has taught dh and me so much and strengthend our relationship.

[emcare]

I love that dss asks my opinion.

I love that when I say "I love you" he says "I know".

I love that he wants me to watch him ride his bike every day.

I love that he asks me for things even when his dad is around.

I love that he comes to me when he wants to know if something his mother said was true or a lie and trusts me to tell him the truth.

I love how funny he is.

I love his sensitivity to what is going on around him.

I love that he calls me mom.

[sehbub]

I love that they chose to call me "mommy" because "you're more than just Sarah."

I love that when I say, "I love you." DSD1 says, "I love you more."

I love that when we go out in public and people tell us how much the girls look like me, they smile and nod and say, "thank you."

I love that they tell complete strangers they are so lucky to have a "'nother mommy."

I love that even if DH is around, they come to me for help.

I love that they beg me to braid their hair, because I'm the only one who can.

I love that they trust me to help them make gifts for biomom.

I love that DSD2 can't understand why she didn't get any physical traits from me, and keeps forgetting, telling people that she has my nose and hair.

I love that every time I pick them up, they come running at me, screaming, "MOMMY!"

I love that even if biomom is around, they still call me mommy.

I love that I'll soon have 4 kids, but will only have had to go through labor twice.

I love that when I tuck them in at night and they say their prayers, their first prayer is "God bless mommy, God bless daddy..." and I'm the mommy they're talking about.

[earthmamma]

This thread is awesome!! There are soooo many things I love, here's a quick few... calling me her other mom, being ecstatic about getting a little sister and NOT seeing her as a half sister, wanting to spend time with me no matter what we're doing, cooking in the kitchen together, asking me for help with her homework, reading me stories at bedtime, snuggling with DH, the baby and I in the mornings, and the one that means the most I think, talking to me about EVERYTHING.

[MrsSurplus]

I'm not a stepmom - but I loved reading your lists!!! What lucky kids you have - all of them!

[atristin]

I think it's really wonderful that someone started this thread. I feel happy for all of you that you have managed to create such strong families.
And I'm really jealous. I am having such a hard time being a stepmom, even though I'm really trying my best.
That of course is for another thread...
But I'm wondering if any of you can recommend any books to read on being a stepmom and/or on making blended families work. Or if you can offer any strategies for how you've reached the situations you've described above.
Thanks.

[fek&fuzz]

Originally Posted by atristin

I think it's really wonderful that someone started this thread. I feel happy for all of you that you have managed to create such strong families.
And I'm really jealous. I am having such a hard time being a stepmom, even though I'm really trying my best.
That of course is for another thread...
But I'm wondering if any of you can recommend any books to read on being a stepmom and/or on making blended families work. Or if you can offer any strategies for how you've reached the situations you've described above.
Thanks.

To keep this as our "happy thread", can we start a new thread for resources/questions?

[Zilla]

This thread is great! Here are my 2 cents:

I love that she tells me things and asks me to pinky swear no to tell anyone

I love that she looks at me and we know what we are thinking about

I love when she is upset and wants only me (but hate it thats she's upset)

I loved it when she asked me to teach her how to read

I love it now when she reads me stories

I love it that Harry Potter, jewelry making, scrapbooking, camping, and so much more is "our thing"

I love it that she gets excited to see me when I pick her up from school

I could go on and on, I just love being a stepmomma!

[SumnerRain]

Technically I am a SM, but I feel more like SSs real mama. (I won't be a SM much longer as I am adopting SS, details in my blog if your curious).

I loved when I became "mommy" instead of "Heather".

I love it when he makes mother's day gifts at school and does not hesitate to give the only one he made to me.

I love being there for him whenever he needs me and being his shoulder to cry on.

I love overhearing when I hear him telling his teacher that I am "his real mom", but he has another mom in another state that gave birth to him.

I love that biology chose who is his BM, but HE chose to make me his mommy.

I remember how hard it was when we first brought SS into our home and how angry he was for so long. It's amazing to look back now and see what an amazing boy he has become and know that I played a huge part in that molding, its almost more satisfying than DS turning out well because with SS I had to undo bad parenting and reteach him how to be the child he is today.

Thank you for this thread, SPing is SOOOOO hard and its nice to think about how wonderful it can be!

[CalebsMama05]

I love this thread! I can only hope my boys get a stepmom as great as you ladies! they need a good stepmom to make up for their dad's lack. keep up the great work ladies!

[sphinxie]

C is my DP's ex's daughter from after their relationship. They were joking about what he was, and he said "Well I'm your stepfather." She turned to me and said "Hey, if he's my stepfather, that means you're going to be my stepmother! Yay!"

I love that DSD insisted on being the flower girl at our upcoming wedding.

I love that DSS has been spending more nights here, and it's much more comfy with the three of us lately. When we had started thinking he'd lost interest in sleeping here.

I love that when DSS is over, and DP is being a pain, DSS looks at me and laughs.

I love that when we first got together, and DSD (C) was 8, we were always holding hands... and she would run up to us and hold hands with us all the time

I love that I can hang out with kids for a few hours, and then go home to silence and grownup talk!

I love that all the profound parenting issues aren't my responsibility, yet.

I love being protective of them, and giving DP (mostly cultural) advice and perspective.

I love hanging out with their mom and having an instant family.

I just all around love being a Smom, and love having Skids.

[Tiki]

I don't know how long you have been working at being a step-mom, but do not give up. I am the step-mother to a 13 yo young woman and have been since she was 5. It had been very difficult for a long time, but we have suddenly and unexpectedly had a wonderful breakthrough. We now have become friends - the only advice I can give is this - just stick with it, always take the higher ground. Give everything you can, and if you need to scream, do it behind closed doors or talk to friends and vent - and eventually, your step child will come around. I have really tried to also let her father be the disciplinarian. One more suggestion - I asked my step daughter what she would like me to call her. For years she asked me to call her my step-daughter when introducing her. At 13 - she now says - "just say my Mom - it's easier" : )

[KaraBoo]

I've really enjoyed watching my stepchildren grow into adults over the years. I especially like my stepsons' company when they visit (they are both in uni). I like that they like to be around me and talk to me and laugh with me. I love the way our relationship has grown and changed and morphed into mutual respect and admiration. I like to see how attached they are to their half-sis (my daughter with their dad). They love her so completely and wonderfully. It's a joy to see. They are all neat people.

[fek&fuzz]

I love that I get to watch her grow into a lovely and talented young woman.

I love that my heart is getting stretched beyond any bounds it has ever known (even if that smarts sometimes.)

I love that she loves me.

[Phoenix~Mama]

I love when DSD says she loves me.

I love when I pick her up from daycare and she comes running with a big smile telling all her friends that her Jen is there to get her.

I love the way she comes and sits on my lap and snuggles into my shoulder.

I love the way she asks me to come talk to her Mommy and is all excited to see us talking. I love being able to reassure her.

I love everything she has taught me about being a Mama.

I love how much I love her and even how emotional it gets me.

I love knowing I am able to love her as much as I do even though I did not give birth to her.

I love that she taught me that I can push myself and I can be a good Mama, even if I have some physical limitations due to my fibromyalgia.

I love that she has learned that I have some pain sometimes and if she accidently lands too hard on me and sees me wince she gives me a big hug and a kiss.

I love how she sometimes "protects" me from Daddy when we are playing around, and she wants us to gang up together and be the tickle monster to him.

I love this thread and the fact that I'm all misty eyed right now and that DSD is here tonight and I can go read and snuggle with her now.

[Flor]

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz

belle-mere (french for step-mom and my favorite)

That is awesome. Much better than the Spanish "madrastra" which just sounds like something big and mean to me!

I like that I can see myself in dss, in the way he talks and thinks. I like that we are partners in his schoolwork-- that NO ONE else is allowed to help him but me. That he loves my ds. That he cares about what I think about him. That he calls me "my mom" to other people. That when he was 4 he crawled in to my lap and asked if I'd be his "second mom." That he is very protective of me. That he thinks that if his dad and I got a divorce he'd get THREE Christmases (and maybe he would!).

[fek&fuzz]

I love that she loves the things I sew for her, and that when she empties out her big purse, all the little bags I've sewn her are in there.

I love when I see her doing things that I've done, or that I've taught her.

[Phoenix~Mama]

I love how excited DSD gets when she finds out we do something the same way or like the same thing.

I love how she wants to wear her hair just like me and asks me to style it for her.

I love how she sits with me when I do my make-up and "puts on make-up" too with my clean powder brush. I love that we will get to really put on make-up one day together.

[rainface]

I love that random people always say "she looks just like you!" because we both have short hair.

I love that when she enjoys something or does something like me that her mom tells me "she gets that from you".

I love that we have our own little routines that are just ours like grocery shopping, or her "helping" me with the laundry, or taking the dogs to the park.

I love that she is part of the family that I chose.

I love that I get to be one of her three parents.