"Do you just *work* with her all the time?" - Page 2

[BabyBumblebee]

It's funny - we get this a lot with dd. She is precociously verbal (for 25 mo), and has been for a *long* time...she memorises the books we read to her and 'reads' them back to us, differentiates and names different shades of the same colour etc. Amazing how many people seem to think I must spend my whole time coaching her; ummmm, no, but we do talk *all day* and she's used to the ongoing stimulation from me and her papa, and not from the TV.

What strangers don't realise is that my beautiful, gifted talkative dd is has special needs - she has gross motor delays, and possible SID. It's amazing what assumptions get made just on the strength of ONE skill set. So I do work with her all the time - but just not on what they think!

[Rivka5]

Okay, we had an experience yesterday that makes me wonder if I *do* "work with her all the time!"

Alex had an appointment to have her eyes examined, and we spent a loooong time in the waiting room - first waiting for our appointment, and then waiting while her eyes dilated. There was another family there with a 23-month-old.

After a while, I became very conscious of how much more I was talking than either of the other child's parents. They'd speak up to tell their daughter to share the toys with Alex, but I was keeping up a running commentary about what we were doing. Like, she'd hold up a toy pig and say "pig!", and I'd say, "That is a pig. Oink! Oink! What other animals are there?"

Okay, granted, I was being extra-"on" because I was afraid that the circumstances (strange doctor, eyedrops, naptime getting perilously closer) were going to cause a meltdown. There are plenty of times at home that she's just playing on her own while I read a book. But still, I wonder if that running commentary is not as utterly ordinary a parenting thing as I think it is.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Rivka5

After a while, I became very conscious of how much more I was talking than either of the other child's parents. They'd speak up to tell their daughter to share the toys with Alex, but I was keeping up a running commentary about what we were doing. Like, she'd hold up a toy pig and say "pig!", and I'd say, "That is a pig. Oink! Oink! What other animals are there?"

Okay, granted, I was being extra-"on" because I was afraid that the circumstances (strange doctor, eyedrops, naptime getting perilously closer) were going to cause a meltdown. There are plenty of times at home that she's just playing on her own while I read a book. But still, I wonder if that running commentary is not as utterly ordinary a parenting thing as I think it is.

It depends on the kid and the situation. When you've only got one, young child, it's often easier to keep a running commentary than it is to do anything else. With two or more, it only makes sense if you've got a "talker," a kid who either wants or needs you to be talking to them nonstop (this would be my son). I talk to BooBah when I've got her alone at the Dr's office (a rare thing, to take any of them anywhere on their own), but she desires far less input than her brother does most of the time. She's much happier playing quietly by herself. I can understand how someone might have the impression that I don't talk much to BooBah (though she would certainly dissuade them if she chose to open her mouth); I do, but not in every situation. If she's playing happily, I don't like to interfere.

[`guest`]

ALso depends on the kid, I have two more verbal, one very empathetic, feeling child and their communication styles are different, so I naturally relate to them in the manner that they are more comfortable with. If I was blabbing away to my empathetic feeling, child, he would just look at me like, huh? Whilst the other child will respond verbally to verbal cues.

Once you have a couple kids, you see children differently, I have changed alot in my thought and belief systems because of my children. Intelligence isnt to be judged externally. There is a deep wisdom that is very quiet, it's just harder to see.

[Jennisee]

I talk to DD all day because we're the only two at home all day, and it's better than talking to myself. It also helps prevent her tantrums when I'm busy with something like cooking. "First, I'm going to put some olive oil in the pan and get it hot. Now I'm going to use the red spatula to stir in the garlic. Now I'm going to cook the chicken. What does a chicken say? Let's set the timer for six minutes. Yes, that's right. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6." I'm so used to doing a running commentary of everything I do that DH says I do it even if I'm not around DD!

I guess I never thought of all this as "working with her," and it's weird to realize that people would think that. I think of it more as socializing with her and including her in things.

[Brazilianmommy]

My dd is 14 months and she is really intelligent she says body parts to nose, mouth,ears eyes and stuff like that.
But she gets some words wrong to like for example for shoes she says papos but I know that she can say sapatos(shoes in Portuguese) correctly becuase I have heard her but she's just doing it for being cute I know her, she says Quero Agua(I want water) and some other phrases in Portuguese I thought it will confuse her but its not she understands me perfectly well.
She said her first word at 7 months she walked by herself when she was 10 months old could sit by 4.5 months she said goodbye at 6 months and she didn't even crawled etc..
And other things I wouldn't call her so gifted but she's intelligent for her age..

[Rigama]

Originally Posted by Jennisee

I talk to DD all day because we're the only two at home all day, and it's better than talking to myself. It also helps prevent her tantrums when I'm busy with something like cooking. "First, I'm going to put some olive oil in the pan and get it hot. Now I'm going to use the red spatula to stir in the garlic. Now I'm going to cook the chicken. What does a chicken say? Let's set the timer for six minutes. Yes, that's right. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6." I'm so used to doing a running commentary of everything I do that DH says I do it even if I'm not around DD!

I guess I never thought of all this as "working with her," and it's weird to realize that people would think that. I think of it more as socializing with her and including her in things.

This is exactly what a typical day looked like for me and ds4 when he was a bit younger. Now HE'S the one giving ME the the running commentary

"Mom, You're using the whisk to beat air into the eggs so they're fluffy, right? Now your putting them into the hot pan. I can tell the pan's hot because I see the butter melting. And, of course, the steam when you pour the eggs in! Can I add the salt when it's time? I want the big salt...Uh, KOSHER salt, not the little salt that's on the table..." Okay, this may sound bad, but sometimes I wish he'd just be quiet long enough to let me make the friggin' eggs!

I don't consider this kind of thing to be "working" with our kids. To me it's just parental involvement. When he was 1.5 and I had him in the kitchen with me, giving him a run down of how I mash potatoes or scramble eggs, it wasn't because I had it in my head that I'd make him learn or turn it into a lesson. It was because he wanted to be near me, I had to cook, he had questions and I could keep an eye on him better if he was right there!