Originally Posted by trish6103
These statements are contradictory. You pointed out that she had her MOTHER'S permission, so why should she have felt the need to run it by her stepmother? Why should she be "talked to" about going behind her stepmother's back? When did a stepmother's opinion supercede the right of a natural parent to make a decision for their child?
I was kinda starting from the angle that dad was equally upset about this for al the same reasons. it never occured to me that step mom was anything more than "asking on behalf of dad" kind of thing. but that is probably a pretty big assumption.
So with that in mind, assuming dad is upset, bothered or what have you. . .
Should remind dd not to go behind his back after he has said no and to at least run things past him before doing these things and why he would prefer that because to completely disregard his feelings is taking advantage of the situation. it is simply more respectful to think "gees, i wonder if Dad would be OK with this." Sure she doesn't have to but what if her dad did decide to be a butt about it and make her take it out? he certainly would have every right. but it would have been better for her to get his opinion first to avoid the hassle and expense of a peircing she would only have to take out. she did have her mothers permission and didn't thechnically do anything wrong but I should hope my children would be able to think and act past the minimum in situations like these. however things can be confusing (or it can be hard to resist the temptation to take advantage of these sorts of situations especially if one parent is keen on enabeling the child to do things that they know the other parent wil freak over) and parents should talk to them about what thier expecations are in situations such as these. how else will they know?
and HE should talk to his EX about what sort of things he would prefer she consult him on before making such big descisions. of course she doesn't have to. its her choice but it may have ever crossed her mind that dd father may have a problem with this. which is exactly why it would be big of her to run it past him and get his feelings.