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A 30-40 year old man "hit on" my 14yo dd - Page 3

post #41 of 66
When my dd was 12 yo (she looked 9 or 10 still) she went into a store and the cashier (around 40 yo), noticing her cell phone, asked if it was hers or her parent's phone. She said it was hers and he asked for her phone number! She immediately came outside where I was waiting for her and told me. I went in (leaving her outside with the baby) to ask the manager why on earth a grown man in his employ is asking for a child's phone number. It turns out that man WAS the manager! I didn't get to talk to him because I was told he was in the back on break and the new guy on the cashier couldn't leave the cashier to get him. I demanded to speak to him and was refused. So I told them if he wouldn't speak to me, I was going to report the incident. So on the way out to my car with my children I was dialing the police and he followed me out to the car. He was intimidating and literally in my face. I repeatedly asked him to back away and he didn't. The police dispatcher heard everything (the man didn't realize I was connected) and sent a police car. While asking for my dd's phone number was not in itself illegal (although they said they may be able to try a child endangerment charge) it was prudent to make a "matter of record" report to the police in these cases. The perpetrator possibly could be a sex offender in which case it would be a violation or at the very least they have it on record in case more things of this nature pop up with the same man.

So I would definitely report it to the manager. Reporting it to the police is also an option even though no laws were broken (unless he was violating an existing parole order). In this case since he stopped upon learning her age you may not feel compelled to take it that far.

You should be proud of your dd for her response. She must be a strong young woman. Many full grown women do not know how to handle these situations. By saying no, in no uncertain terms, she gave him the message that she is not an easy target. Most child predators are looking for easy marks.
post #42 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by blessed
All women should be able to conduct business in public venues without being harrassed by employees who can't keep a lid on their own sexuality. .
Absolutely agree with this. How incredibly rude and inappropriate. I deal with this crap frequently, I think because I have quite the rack on me, and although I have perfected the withering response and "F you, loser" look I still (at 35) get squirmy and uncomfortable inside. Such a hard, new and unwelcome reality for young girls as they start having to deal with these kinds of responses.

I agree with all who said to report it to the manager, since I see it as absolutely unprofessional behavior towards a customer. Also sounds like a great teaching moment/discussion topic for you and your daughter. Sorry this happened.
post #43 of 66
: Yep- DD is starting to get that too. As a motherly instinct I want to put her in a bubble! But that's not possible nor healthy. As it is, I am quick to snap at any guy I think may be looking at her a little too intensely. I am glad she is in karate- they do a good job telling em where to hit if it comes to that

Mamaintheboonies: ME TOO!
post #44 of 66

report it

I would call the police in that area and speak with the cid officer incharge of the sex offender registry. Your daughter told him her age and that didn't slow him down. He could be an absconder or new to the area and unregistered. Your law inforcement should be in the know about it. This guy is more than old enough to be her father and while I think that relationships with large age differences are fine I don't think it's ok when one party is a child. There are some people that are looking for our children. Sadly, I say this because I know this is true.
post #45 of 66
My DD is only 2.5, but I would love to learn from you more experienced mamas how to go about with the "teaching moment"....what to say, when and how to help your daughter deal well w/ these types of situations. My mother always just seemed cowed or flattered. I remember one time a drug-store employee following me (and my mother) around the store flirting w/ me the whole time....I was probably in 8th or 9th grade)...he wasn't making overtly sexual comments, but was clearly expressing interest in me and my mom just giggled over it. Another time, she told us sheepishly, but smiling, how a clothing shop manager kissed her on the cheek...she was a mid-40s mother of 5 at the time!

So, not to hijak, but if you can spare a moment, teach me, mamas!
post #46 of 66
I think I would have gone in an backhanded him. :

Jenn
post #47 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by DebraBaker
I'd talk to the manager, even if she was of age, that's a mild form of sexual harassment.
Yeah, he is supposed to be working, not hitting on underage kids. Yecch.
post #48 of 66
:
I don't know what to say.....simply :
and a little of .
post #49 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten
I think that comments - both benign and leading - will happen throughout her lifetime. Her feeling that she can handle it is crucial.

.... But I think that teaching our girls to feel they can handle those type situations is more effective than thinking we can stop them from happening.

I would talk to her about it, then let it go.
ITA. Unless your daughter wants the management informed, teaching her deflection skills is more important than tattling.
post #50 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by srain
ITA. Unless your daughter wants the management informed, teaching her deflection skills is more important than tattling.
It is not "tattling" when you speak to those in authority about moral wrongs committed against you. Sexual harassment is WRONG. Trying to get a 14 year old's number when you are over 18 is WRONG. Solicitation of a minor is WRONG. I would report it to the management. It is WRONG to try and get ANYTHING from an adolescent girl as a grown man.

When I got hit on by "old guys" (30 or more when I was 14-15) it totally grossed me out. If it had EVER happened at their place of employment I ABSOLUTELY would have told their managers. It's gross regardless of where it happens.

This isn't "tattling" about who said the word sh!t on the playground. This is reporting harassment.
post #51 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pynki
It is not "tattling" when you speak to those in authority about moral wrongs committed against you. Sexual harassment is WRONG. Trying to get a 14 year old's number when you are over 18 is WRONG. Solicitation of a minor is WRONG. I would report it to the management. It is WRONG to try and get ANYTHING from an adolescent girl as a grown man.

When I got hit on by "old guys" (30 or more when I was 14-15) it totally grossed me out. If it had EVER happened at their place of employment I ABSOLUTELY would have told their managers. It's gross regardless of where it happens.

This isn't "tattling" about who said the word sh!t on the playground. This is reporting harassment.
I coudln't figure out how to put it, but that works for me!
post #52 of 66
Um, where I come from, you gas station attendants, your carnies, your short-order cooks...hitting on underage women is par for the course. And as a PP mentioned, a lot of the time, they are also the manager, natch. And they always say you look older than 13/14/etc. Until you're older, and then they say you look younger.

Like the guy in Dazed and Confused, Wooderson: "That's what I love about those high school girls, man... I get older...they stay the same age. Yes they do."

Not saying it's right, just saying. Social skills are not a strong suit in these instances. If I had a daughter, I'd probably take her to some really great self-defense classes. And we would have a talk about creeps and how to deal with them. And if I was particularly incensed, I'd probably go yell at someone myself - but in the town I grew up in, it wouldn't make a difference. Because the gas attendant was the policeman's cousin, so...
post #53 of 66
It doesn't matter who is who's cousin/ uncle/ nephew. It still does not make it right. By saying "meh just let it go" it perpetuates the cycle that it's OK for this crap to happen. Women are not here for men's leering pleasure. Until each woman says NO! I will NOT stand for this and makes sure it is taken seriously it will continue. I don't give a rats rearend where you work, or what your job is, or what your education or income bracket is. Hitting on a 14 year old is WRONG! Until EVERYONE who does is taken to task EVERY TIME! NOTHING will change.
post #54 of 66
you said your daughter doesnot look of age. meaning she still looking like a teenager/child. What he did was wrong. Not only should you report it to the store but also to the police. You have no idea if this man has picked up other children before and what he may of done. this may seem extreem however I live with a Le officer and you would be very shocked of the stories that end in a horriable way.. Stories that start out the exact way! Or stories of man that go out looking to pick up children. or work in public places so they can.



he was hitting on a child a child that does not look of legal age. that is wrong period. I may have the unpopular reply here but children these days are comming up missing and killed by older men or men of age and weman of age picking them up , abusing them and killing them.

When it comes to your children you have to do whatever it takes to be safe.


your daughter was very smart to run out and tell you!!!!! She sounds like a very bright kid!!!


this site is about people picking up young children online however you can also read stories of kids getting kidnapped and raped by people they met offline also..
In today's world you can never be to safe

http://www.perverted-justice.com/index.php?pg=support
post #55 of 66
I'd consider it an honest mistake. Once she said she was 14 he dropped the subject. I think it would be wrong to call the manager and puts someone's job, and most likely, livlihood, on the line because they aren't good at judging ages.

~Nay
post #56 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pynki
It is not "tattling" when you speak to those in authority about moral wrongs committed against you. Sexual harassment is WRONG. Trying to get a 14 year old's number when you are over 18 is WRONG. Solicitation of a minor is WRONG. I would report it to the management. It is WRONG to try and get ANYTHING from an adolescent girl as a grown man. This isn't "tattling" about who said the word sh!t on the playground. This is reporting harassment.
:
post #57 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin
I'd consider it an honest mistake. Once she said she was 14 he dropped the subject. I think it would be wrong to call the manager and puts someone's job, and most likely, livlihood, on the line because they aren't good at judging ages.

~Nay
He had NO BUSINESS even talking like that to ANYONE!
If I found out any of MY male family members were talking like that....
post #58 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pynki
It doesn't matter who is who's cousin/ uncle/ nephew. It still does not make it right. By saying "meh just let it go" it perpetuates the cycle that it's OK for this crap to happen. Women are not here for men's leering pleasure. Until each woman says NO! I will NOT stand for this and makes sure it is taken seriously it will continue. I don't give a rats rearend where you work, or what your job is, or what your education or income bracket is. Hitting on a 14 year old is WRONG! Until EVERYONE who does is taken to task EVERY TIME! NOTHING will change.
Have I told you I love you lately Pynki? *swoon*

Report the slimeball. Hitting on a little girl like that is total unacceptable. Then talk to your daughter and let her know you are proud of her for sharing what happened.
post #59 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin
I'd consider it an honest mistake. Once she said she was 14 he dropped the subject. I think it would be wrong to call the manager and puts someone's job, and most likely, livlihood, on the line because they aren't good at judging ages.
I don't care if you're 30 years old. When you conduct business in a public venue, no one should have to be annoyed, assaulted, or just plain bothered with inappropriate sexual advances .

Women should be able to stop and put gas into their cars without these mundane activities being sexualized by some horny convenience store clerk trying to score. Imagine what this clown would say to a breastfeeding mother. What if this were a professional - an attorney you were consulting or a chiropractor - and his first actions when you walked into the office were to leer at you and say 'gee, you sure look good. Do you have a boyfriend?' Most of us would run out there totally creeped out, ready to file every kind of complaint.

Paid employees are accountable for their behavior when representing their company. His behavior is inappropriate, even presuming that he thought this girl was eighteen.
post #60 of 66
I can't believe the responses I'm reading on this thread. Are most of you part of Man Bashers Anonymous? He dropped the subject as soon as she told him her age. He didn't follow her out to the car, grab her breasts, or expose himself

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68
It's hard to believe a man that old wouldn't realize your DD is under 18 years of age but maybe he didn't. Does she look old for her age?
I just talked to my husband, and he confirmed that single men (which the guy most likely is, since he was attempting to FLIRT) often think that once a girl has breasts then she is probably old enough to date. If they don't have a wife or teenaged daughters they might not realize how young a girl can start developing.


Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68
It sounds like once she told him his age that he didn't flirt anymore, right?
Yes, exactly. That is what it says in the original post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68
It sounds like he was definitely in the wrong for flirting in the first place, but he didn't do anything physically wrong. I'm 37 years old and can't stand men that make comments about my looks.
Wrong for flirting? What about women, are we allowed to flirt? If a girl is 16 (not that much different from 14, btw), and she thinks a salesclerk looks cute is she allowed to smile, or strike up conversation, or otherwise let him know she's interested in knowing him better? Or is it only wrong if it happens to be a man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68
It's sad that men that age flirt with little girls. :
A) He thought she was older, b) he ended the conversation, and c) most 14 year olds don't look like "little girls"

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68
I remember being that age and having older men hit on me too, even married men a couple times.
Me too! I was 16, working at Revco (now CVS), and a man hit on me. When I told him my age he turned bright red with embarrassment and stammered an apology. It was an honest mistake! He honestly thought I was at least 18. And for whoever mentioned that he should have known she was just a kid because she was riding shotgun in her mom's car...puh-leeeeeeze! How many cars have you seen where every person just piles in the drivers seat? : "I'm over 18 so I'm sitting in the drivers seat. Hey, I know, let's all sit in the drivers seat because we're all over 18!" :


Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68
I had an older guy follow me home from a grocery store when I was 14 and walking with a friend and called me jailbait (the first time I heard the term) and gave me his number. When my friend and I called it his wife answered and was very pissed. That was my first experience with a dirtbag sleaze such as that.
I'm sorry about your experience, but it is nothing like what happened to the OP's daughter. What you went through is creepy and truly harrassment. What she experienced was some guy trying to harmlessly flirt. (Oh, wait, I'm sorry, flirting is EVIL on MDC ) IMO, she did a great job of handling what happened. The only thing that needed to be done afterwards is talk to her about what happened, ask her how she thinks she handled it, and maybe help her work out a dialouge she can use the next time the situation arises.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68
I think experiences like that are what help us figure out what to do in such situations.
Exactly, though to read most of the responses you'd think all men are jerks who think with their balls, and should all go to jail for any and every think they think and say about any woman any where in the world, including honest mistakes like what happened.

This thread makes me: :

~Nay
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