Question About Giftedness

[kbchavez]

So, I've been lurking briefly in this forum because the word "gifted" caught my eye/ear. It sounds as though most of the kids described on this site are highly unusual in that they meet milestones way ahead of schedule, and have intense temperaments. I also read that "giftedness" is frequently defined as having an IQ two standard deviations above normal, or 130 plus. My IQ is over 130, I tested in the 98th or 99th percentile in most areas all through school, and was in my school's gifted program (once a week on Wednesdays). However, I don't think I was like the children described as a baby or a toddler. I think I was clearly bright, but in no way "amazing" or "freakish". I don't think I walked or talked particularly early. I do remember pretending to read thick adult books and making up my own stories, and I did read books like The Lord of the Rings around third grade (and Watership Down, too).

I think there are plenty of kids who are highly intelligent who don't do everything early. I think a lot of it has to do with rates of development. For example, more girls than boys talk clearly and in full sentences at younger ages. This does not necessarily mean they will achieve a higher intelligence at maturity. I don't know if my son will be gifted or not. He seems bright to me, but his father is of average intelligence (but highly artistically and spacially gifted). His verbal skills are far behind some girls he knows of the same age (21 mos.), but has been able to identify most letters in the alphabet and most colors for some time now. And he builds elaborate towers out of blocks.

I guess my question is: is this site only for moms of kids who are intense, difficult, and astounding and scaring the neighbors, or is it also for seemingly normal kids with high IQ's? I think maybe the reason many lurk but don't venture further is that they are intimidated by all the descriptions of kids walking at 7 mos. and using full sentences before a year. I don't believe that every child who will grow to be a mensa candidate does these things.

I hope I don't offend; I'm just curious if others on this forum have kids more like mine, and still consider them "gifted".

[Roar]

What your kid isn't scaring the neighbors?

I think you are right that giftedness is a huge range and there are plenty of kids who are intellectually gifted that don't seem incredibly atypical as toddlers or preschoolers. And, for me personally far more significant than milestones of knowing the alphabet or building a tower or blocks or whatever are the kinds of questions a child asks or the ways they use language or explore their environment and those things are difficult to sum up easily on a message board.

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/highly_profoundly.htm This may be helpful too.

[alegna]

Just wait and watch is my theory. My dd didn't walk until nearly a year. At a year was only using single words. etc. However, she decided to start reading sight words at 18 months...

But sure, you're welcome here!

-Angela

[kbchavez]

Thanks for the link, Roar. It was very helpful. It sounds like most of the parents on this forum have kids on the upper levels of giftedness, which is why their children really stand out as different. Apparently I was only a level 2 or 3 and from the descriptions it sounds like my son is somewhere around there, too. It's funny... I took an IQ test in a mensa book a few years back and tested in the 99th percentile, and over 135, which was good enough to be in the organization. But I said to myself, "there are a lot of people in that one percent-- some of them scarily smart. Do I really want to join a group where I feel like one of the dumbest in the room?" It makes me feel good to know I'm smarter that 99 out a hundred people as I walk through this world (which is bad, I know ) and looking at these gifted assessments makes me feel inadequate (what, I'm only MODERATELY gifted? The horror!). I think I don't want to pass along my insecurity and competitiveness to my son. And I don't like comparing him to other kids, which I feel like this site encourages in me (my problem, not that of the parents here). I think I'll just let his emerging self unfold and take joy in whatever unique form it takes.

[oldcrunchymom]

Giftedness, like any other condition, exists on a spectrum. I highly doubt that this forum is intended only for parents of profoundly gifted children. I think the reason one sees more posts from parents of EG/PG children is because those children often have more "issues" relating to their giftedness and have a harder time fitting into society (not to mention frazzling their parents to the point of nervous exhaustion with their constant demands for more more MORE information). A mildly gifted child may relate to age peers, fit in well in most social situations, and with proper support find school challenging enough to satisfy them; for many (most?) profoundly gifted children these things are a pipe dream.

[Roar]

And just in case the waters aren't muddy enough already, here are profoundly gifted kids who don't have all or even many of the early milestones you are thinking of. My son a year later than many kids do. It is really about more than early milestones. Also, if you read about highly gifted kids a generation or two ago you'll find that many had later milestones than some of the ones you are probably reading about here.

As far as the comparisons, you can go there, but I'm not sure it really leads any place productive or helpful. What is important is what you are seeing with your own kid and trying to make sense of that.

[EXOLAX]

Originally Posted by kbchavez

I think I don't want to pass along my insecurity and competitiveness to my son. And I don't like comparing him to other kids, which I feel like this site encourages in me (my problem, not that of the parents here). I think I'll just let his emerging self unfold and take joy in whatever unique form it takes.

I agree to let it unfold and take joy! We should all be proud parents of our children's accomplishments, no matter when they come.

I don't sense the comparison game here. We have no idea if our DD is gifted, we just know she is bright, retains lots of information and ask lots of probing questions and critical thought. Forums like this can actually be a refuge away from the comparison game. Many parents are bombarded IRL about the things their children are doing. In some ways their parenting is demeaned with typical respnses of "your pushing your child too much" when in reality the parents are treading water to keep up with their kids. I personally stopped talking to most mom's about the things our DD is doing because of the competitiveness I felt that would come of it: "Well, is she doing XY or Z!", "She can't be doing that!", "My child isn't doing anything like that, should I be worried?". These types of forums can be a refuge from that. I don't sense that the parents here are competing for smarter or more gifted children. It's a place for them to go and receive understanding, sympathy (over empathy), and advice w/o the added social baggage.

Definitly stick around and see if you still feel the same way. Your son will figure out how smart he is someday w/o anyone telling him. I don't see the need too.

[LynnS6]

Well, I've got a child who sounds more like yours - and like you, it took me a while to decide to come here too.

My son is 'gifted' and maybe even 'highly gifted' in some areas, but he's not profoundly gifted. But I lurk, learn and think about things. Our daughter is certainly not profoundly gifted either, and only time will tell (she's only 2!) whether she's gifted. She's certainly socially heads and shoulders above where her brother was at this age.

I found the work by Deborah Ruf (Ruff?) interesting -- she talks about 'levels' of giftedness, from 1-6
http://www.educationaloptions.com/levels_giftedness.htm
http://preschoolerstoday.com/resourc...giftedness.htm

I fall about Level 3, and ds is at Level 2 for some things (reading) and Level 3 for others (math) and is showing concern for existential topics already at age 5 (which is Level 4!).

I suspect there are a lot of kids on this board who are at the upper levels 5-6.

I would hope that there is room in the forum for all of us - those with just 'smart' kids, and those who have the delightful, challenging, truly exceptional kids (that I'm really glad aren't mine : !).

[ChristaN]

My kids are not in the upper levels. I'd say that my older one falls in the mid to mid-upper range of the spectrum and I really don't know with my little one. Developmentally, I'd put her at moderately to highly gifted, but as far as the emotional attributes of giftedness, she's much more mild to moderate. She hasn't blinked an eye at the concept of Santa yet, for instance, and she'll be 6 in Sept. My older one was really skeptical about things like that years before her sister and is just much more intense and different from other kids her age.

[eilonwy]

I agree with Lisa, but wanted to add something: membership here at MDC skews toward parents of younger children. A child who is more moderately gifted may still appear quite typical by age two or three (or even five or six); it is the exceptionally to profoundly gifted children who are already having issues, and who already appear markedly different from their age peers. As a result, when discussing the slings and arrows of giftedness with parents of young children, you're probably more likely to hear from parents of level 4-5 children. They're the ones who stand out like sore thumbs not only in school, but in daycares and playgroups.

[kbchavez]

thanks everyone for your responses-- they're very helpful and welcoming

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

A child who is more moderately gifted may still appear quite typical by age two or three (or even five or six); it is the exceptionally to profoundly gifted children who are already having issues, and who already appear markedly different from their age peers. As a result, when discussing the slings and arrows of giftedness with parents of young children, you're probably more likely to hear from parents of level 4-5 children. They're the ones who stand out like sore thumbs not only in school, but in daycares and playgroups.

That's interesting and makes sense. My older dd did stand out like a sore thumb from the moment she was born. I felt like an oddball who was doing something dramatically wrong as a parent whenever we enrolled in mommy and me classes or went to playgroups, but I had no idea that it was b/c she was gifted until much, much later.

[loraxc]

My IQ is over 130, I tested in the 98th or 99th percentile in most areas all through school, and was in my school's gifted program (once a week on Wednesdays). However, I don't think I was like the children described as a baby or a toddler. I think I was clearly bright, but in no way "amazing" or "freakish". I don't think I walked or talked particularly early. I do remember pretending to read thick adult books and making up my own stories, and I did read books like The Lord of the Rings around third grade (and Watership Down, too).

You sounds very much like me. I wouldn't join Mensa either, because I also would be intimidated by all those super-smart folks.

I have a bright child, but at this age (2.5) we still are really unclear on the specifics. I have looked at the Ruf levels, and she's on there somewhere, but I can't tell you if she's a 2 or a 5 or what. Sometimes she blows me away; other times she seems much like any other kid, or even delayed in some areas.

I have been part of the gifted community on MDC for a while now and have been nothing but welcomed, even when my DD was very young and there wasn't too much to be sure about at all. There is room for all flavors of giftedness here.

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by loraxc

You sounds very much like me. I wouldn't join Mensa either, because I also would be intimidated by all those super-smart folks.

Nah! I just joined a year or so ago and I have never thought of myself as one of those "super-smart folks" either. I haven't felt out of place at all. Well, except for the fact that the active members tend to be dramatically older than I am. I held a games night at my house and everyone who showed up was 60+!

[meowee]

Honestly, schools are so dumbed down these days that even a "just" "highly intelligent" child would need a different program than a mainstream one, whether it be homeschool or a gifted in-school one. So in that sense I do believe the range should be broad.

[**guest**]

Eeek! According to that list, my ds would probably be a level 5. At the same time, he has PDD and sensory issues. So, it's very challenging (both for him and for me).

[Jennisee]

I just today realized this forum was here, but I have been lurking on the gifted threads for a while.

I was also classified as gifted as a child. From looking at the list, I'd say Level Two, and my IQ is about 145. I think I would fit what the PP's have described as the really smart kid in school, but not exceptionally gifted or profoundly gifted. And since my 27 month old DD is my Mini-Me in almost every way (appearance, personality, mannerisms, neuroses, etc.), I have a feeling she'll be about the same way. Right now, the only "parenting issues" we have in regards to her brightness/potential giftedness have been comments from other people, so for now, it's more about my issues than hers, LOL. So, because of those things, I'll probably continue to lurk more than post.

DD was way behind the curve with mobility--she crawled at 10 months and walked at 17 months; I'd say she's near the median for fine motor skills--shape sorters, stacking blocks, etc.; but her verbal skills are what draw attention, especially because she is so small. People stop and stare when she says things like, "I don't want to eat corn. I want to eat macaroni instead." She doesn't always talk that coherently--she still says a lot of sentence fragments, but they're getting fewer and fewer.

Any way, just saying hi as another mom of a "probably gifted child, but not exceptionally or profoundly."