LGBT and Pregnant

[PixelDust]

With so many expectant parents on the Queer Parenting board, it might be fun to get a thread going to talk about our experiences waiting for our babies. We're 12 weeks pregnant today. My partner Julieanne is carrying, but sometimes I almost forget that technically I am not pregnant. Somebody please tell me they know what I mean!

Name(s): Susan and Julieanne
EDD: 2/12/07
Baby #: 1
Your biggest issue or concern right now: Finding a midwife, second parent adoption

Who else is out there? :

[westchestermom]

Hey!

Name(s): Jen & Danielle
EDD: 9/12/06
Baby #: 2 (I carried the first baby and Danielle is carrying this one)
Your biggest issue right now: Waiting... we're at 34 weeks and we're eager to meet this little guy. Feels like we've been waiting for quite some time now. There are lots of other issues right now too.... like where to deliver him, readying our 2 year old daugher, etc, but... really, we're pretty preoccupied with how much longer it will be until he's ready to be born.

[witt]

bother it, feel sad I can't be on this thread
i miss being pregnant, good luck to you all

[bookwormommy]

Hello!

We're Erin and Paige, due 9/10 with our first.
My biggest concern: I'm really miserable being pregnant and just trying to hang in there. I'm pretty sure Paige would say she's miserable w/ me being pregnant too!

We're lucky in that 2nd parent adoption is really easy where we live. I'm grateful for that. Is it hard in Illinois?

Still haven't figured out how to do the smilies in the signature,
Erin

[PixelDust]

Hi everyone!

Erin, I'm hoping the process will be easier rather than harder. My biggest concern right now is whether we'll have to get a home study done; my impression is that the judge can choose to waive the requirement for a home study, and that judges in Illinois usually do this for straight, married stepparents. If we have to have one, we'll deal, but I would much rather avoid having someone in to evaluate us! One thing we're concerned about is how a social worker might react to a homebirth. I know homebirth's not illegal, but that doesn't mean I want to give them any excuse for a negative finding.

What is the process like in your area?

[Frannyo]

Franny here, just 8 weeks but my belly already is sticking out. (Of course, it might have been sticking out just a little before I ever got pregnant.)

We're not due until March but I've already had two sonograms, probably because of my age. I love my ob/gyn and so far everything is going swimmingly.

My partner just had neck surgery, so now we argue about who can carry the trash out and walk the dogs - I usually win and get to do the chores, but a little more carefully. I'm still doing a regular yoga class and trying to stay moderately active, but last night after our walk I laid across the bed to rest and woke up ten hours later. Apparently this little speck is wearing me out more than I'd like to admit.

[lunadoula]

Name(s): Beth (poster) and Rose (dw)
EDD: 10/10/07
Baby #: 1
Your biggest issue or concern right now: Dealing with nausea and fatigue all day and trying to work when I can.

Not much else going on. Just trying to get through the crappy first trimester.

Susan if you have a homestudy and they don't ask about location of the birth, I wouldn't say anything. If they do I would have some materials on the safety, legality, etc. of homebirth all ready and available. Good luck! Luckily here there is no homestudy requirement.

[PixelDust]

Franny, Julieanne was so tired for the first several weeks, but that definitely let up around week eleven! There's light at the end of the tunnel!

[zora]

I'm Zora - I'm about 7 weeks pg and 38 yrs old. My situation is a little different than some listed here. We used a known donor who will be an active dad in the kids life. My partner never imagined that she would be a parents, so she is a little scared! In the end, I think she will be fine!

PixelDust- I'm in Logan Square, where are you guys?
Zora

[PixelDust]

We're in Rantoul, about two hours south of Chicago (I think). I'm not that familiar with the city, but my partner is from the suburbs. Where is Logan Square?

[mamimapster]

Wahoo, I go away for awhile and a whole bunch of IL queer mama's show up I lived in Logan Square until four years ago (its a neighborhood on the NW side of Chicago)! My sis still lives there. We're not PG yet (maybe??? : ), but we are TTC #2 and It's my turn, if my body ever decides to cooperate:

[mamimapster]

Originally Posted by PixelDust

Hi everyone!

Erin, I'm hoping the process will be easier rather than harder. My biggest concern right now is whether we'll have to get a home study done; my impression is that the judge can choose to waive the requirement for a home study, and that judges in Illinois usually do this for straight, married stepparents. If we have to have one, we'll deal, but I would much rather avoid having someone in to evaluate us! One thing we're concerned about is how a social worker might react to a homebirth. I know homebirth's not illegal, but that doesn't mean I want to give them any excuse for a negative finding.

What is the process like in your area?

We did 2nd parent in IL, and did have a homestudy. The issue of where/how dd was born never came up. Basically the social worker looked around the house(and our house is very unfancy ), and chatted with us a couple of times. We did have a room set up for dd even though we coslept most of the time, just because we knew it was something a SW would look for. We filed in Cook county, which helped things go smoothly. My understanding is that people in Dupage county are discuaged from filing there due to homphobia.We had a very good lawyer who did our 2nd parent, (and did one for some friends of ours too) which helped things go smoothly.

[gratefulmomtobe]

found out today we are pregnant

Hello!

My partner and i found out today that we are pregnant.... finally!

It has taken us forever to conceive. We are 4 weeks today. I am a little nervous that we will stay pregnant, but....

Susan, i can totally relate to the way you are feeling. My partner is carrying and i feel totally excited, but not pregnant myself.

Our estimated due date is April 11th, i think. We got pregnant thru IVF, so the due date isnt clear. Who cares really... im just so happy to be in this stage of the process.

We live in Evanston Illinois. Are there any other Chicago girls out there?

Paula

[maxmama]

Can I hang out? Technically bisexual, I suppose, but I identify as lesbian, married to a man, having our second baby this October (we're very complicated -- or strange -- people).

[lexbeach]

Name(s): Lex (and Lena)
EDD: 11/13/06
Baby #: 3 (I also carried our twins who are now 3.5)
Your biggest issue right now: I'm not sure. . . I'm at the "blissful" stage, so no complaints about the pregnancy (though I was terribly sick for the first 20 weeks, so I'm not one of those blissful-the-whole-time mamas). This babe is very active, and I'm really enjoying him these days. I guess I'm most concerned about what life will be like post-birth since dw is starting grad. school this fall, won't have any maternity leave, and we have two other kids too. : I realized this morning for the first time that we'll have three kids under age 4, which just seems totally crazy!! (Not sure why it took me this long to have that realization, lol). But, for the most part, I'm enjoying a low-anxiety, happily pregnant, HOT summer!

My dw is definitely NOT feeling like she is sort-of pregnant too. Now that my belly is so hard to miss, she doesn't actually forget that I'm pregnant anymore, but it definitely doesn't seem to be high on the list of things she's thinking about. I think this is just a second-time-around thing in that it's not as exciting, and we have the other kids to be majorly distracting us. She does try to get some snuggle time in with the kicking belly every so often, but this experience is definitely more mine than shared. She was basically the same way last time I was pregnant (though perhaps a little more giddy with anticipation), but as soon as our boys were actually born she became SUPER MAMA! I feel like the actual mothering part came much more easily to her than it did to me. I think it's just not totally real to her until the baby is on the outside.

We are in the process of doing the second-parent adoption of our older boys right now (finally after 3.5 years. . . ). We live in MA, and second-parent adoption for gay/lesbian families is very easy here. But we did have a homestudy done last summer because we became foster parents. The homestudy was not a scary experience at all. It was actually kinda fun (of course, it's more exciting when you're having one for a reason other than adopting your own kids). The social worker visited a few times and we discussed our entire life histories, and that was it. There were no questions about where our kids were born or even any of our ideas about western medicine (i.e. vax, antibiotics, etc.). So, I wouldn't be worried about that part if I were you.

Congratulations to all the newly pregnant mamas! Looking forward to sharing this journey with you!

Lex

[PixelDust]

Originally Posted by mamimapster

We did have a room set up for dd even though we coslept most of the time, just because we knew it was something a SW would look for.

Did you all set up a crib? We aren't planning to get one, but if we need to for the HS, I think we'll try to find something cheap or borrowed.

I'm so glad this thread is taking off! And what the heck is up with all the Illinois folks? Something in the water?

Zora, I think your situation sounds nice. Years ago, before my partner and I met, I actually asked my best friend (gay male) to donate for me, and left it up to him what role he wanted. It didn't work out, but I can definitely understand the appeal.

Anyway, congratulations to everyone!

[westchestermom]

When we had our daughter and were going through second parent adoption, we really didn't have any money at all were living in a very junky 1-bedroom apartment. We were cosleeping at the time, but we set up a pack-n-play next to the bed for the homestudy. The SW didn't ask a thing about it. Ended up that we were much more worried about it than we needed to be. We were living in PA at the time, and have since moved to CA, so hopefully it will be even easier this time around.

[bookwormommy]

This is our first baby, so I only know about the adoption process 2nd-hand, but it sounds like it's pretty much a rubber-stamp kind of thing here in Seattle. A home study is required, but our lawyer always uses the same social workers and the same judge, and hasn't had problems. We thought we'd schedule the home study for soon after the baby is born, so we can blame the mess and chaos on being new parents!

We plan on co-sleeping, and I hadn't thought how that would look. We have a pack-n-play for when we take the baby to work, so thanks for that idea westchestermom. (Hey, you're in my DDC!)

Zora, we also used a known donor. We inseminated at home, so have to do some extra legal steps for him to give up his parental rights. He plans to be active in our child's life. I trust him a lot, or wouldn't have been able to go this route. (I'm also 38, and my DP is 43 - here's to older moms!)

Congratulations to all of you who are newly pregnant!

Erin, due 9/10

[MichelleW]

: waiting to join you guys, hopefully in about 10 days...

[zora]

fourpawsmom-first of all congradulations!! Wow you have a little over a month to go. How are you doing? If I might ask, what kind of birth do you hope to have (e.g. hosptial, home, birthing center...). You are correct our situations are very similiar except, in my case, the donar is not giving up his rights.

I realize that I am in an interesting situation, one that I imagine is shared by many...my partner and the donor are very "here and now" people and do not spend a lot of time in the future. I, on the other hand, do spend a lot of time in my head preparing for the future. So timming conversations with them is a "fun". Timming conversations about the future and the kid is intersting, I do it to early, they either look at me blankly or try to have a coversation while feeling overhwhelmed. I am really tring to respect our differences. Anyway, does any one else have this issue with their partner or parenting configuration?

Sorry this was so long winded.
Zora