LGBT and Pregnant - Page 3

[megan sacha]

We're here! Just hit 12 weeks yesterday. We can't believe we're almost out of the 1st trimester. We think Sacha's uterus has left the pelvis, but it's a bit hard to find with the extra "fluff" in that area. But, her belly is definately getting higher and the little uterine cramps she's been feeling all around feel higher up too which is so strange for her. We're hoping the end of m/s and extreme fatigue is near.

[PixelDust]

Lex, I'm so excited that you're getting close to your due date (close being a relative term). Do you think you'll post your birth story afterward?

Megan, doesn't it feel good to be getting close to the second trimester? That was a big milestone for me; the pregnancy felt so much more real once I could say we were in the second trimester. Hopefully Sacha's m/s and fatigue will ease up soon; Julieanne definitely felt considerably better sometime around 12 weeks. Are you all still trying to make decisions about tests? How's it going?

We're doing great. Starting to get gifts from Julieanne's mom, which is exciting. We had a bit of a scare at around 17w3d; Julieanne passed some unusual mucus and we were afraid it was the plug. It turned out to be a minor thing -- not normal mucus, but nothing serious -- and now everything's fine. We had an ultrasound at that appointment, and got to see the baby and found out he's a boy. I didn't really expect it to make me feel so much more bonded to the baby, but it did. It just seems so much more concrete and real now. I'm loving the second trimester.

[tatangel19]

I can't join this thread because of pg, but I did want to volunteer and advice I could about homebirth. I had a home waterbirth with second dd and it was wonderful.Let me know if I can be of help!

[megan sacha]

Susan, we're not going to be doing any screening or testing, just the 18-20w u/s. So, we're just waiting for that. I think we are going to find out the sex then (which we originally weren't going to) and are looking forward to that. Glad that finding out you SON is on the way made you feel so much more bonded to him. Yay on the gifts from Julieanne's mom! How fun.

[ilsesthings]

Hi all!

Just want to congratulate all of you and wish you the very best!!

It's so exciting to me to see more and more LGBT parents to be. (at some point I was going to be one, but it didn't happen)...

Anyway, all the best!

i.

[oliversmoms]

Positive test today!

Jen and Jeanette


I'm very excited to be joining you all. My partner and I have been trying since March 2005 and today we found out that baby number two should be here somewhere around June 7th!

. . . .and this happens for us one week after going to the doctor to make sure there was nothing medically wrong and her giving us this really cool insemination thing called an oligospermia cup syringe, i have to admit i'm kinda sad we didn't get to use it cause it looks kinda fun!

anyway good luck to everyone with ttc,and pregnancies..

Concerns: not too many . we're in seattle also and we've been through the whole process of second parent adoption and although it sucks that my partner can't just be named second parent without a home visit , donor giving up parental rights thing. . the one positive thing is that every penny of the adoption can be written off as a tax deduction up to $10,000 according to our tax adviser! just in case you all didn't know that.

I'd also like to do a home birth but I'm a little nervous about it. . . do you seattlelites have any recommendations for a midwife in seattle who would be covered by group health and does home births and is super comfortable with lesbian couples?

[megan sacha]

congrats oliversmom! We're in Seattle too and seeing an independent midwife who is a CNM and does homebirths. So, she might be covered for you. I'm guessing you probably have to use a CNM not a LM? Is there a way to look at which midwives are covered? I'm surprised you don't just have to use group health midwives. We're actually planning to deliver at group health, but we don't have group health insurance.

Since we're also using a known donor and planning a second parent adoption in Seattle, I'd love to hear more about your experience with this before. We're wondering when we should tell our lawyer that we finally got pg!

Wow, seems like we've been pg forever in some senses, but you're just about 2 months behind!

[PixelDust]

Congratulations and welcome, oliversmoms!

[oliversmoms]

our experience with second parent adoption in Seattle

This was a very long process for us but well worth it. . .I think everything took about 8 months total to complete until our son was officially adopted most of which (4/5 months) was just waiting to be able to get a time slot in court.

our lawyers name was Barbara Wechsler (she's also family) and we started the process with her the last 4/5 months of our pregnancy through a recommendation through the King County Bar association.

all the stuff we had to do. . .

1. Pay for a Washington state appointed social worker to call our donor for an interview and make sure he was willing/not coerced into giving up all parental rights. Although in the state of Washington it is not necessary for a donor to give up his rights when pregnancy is achieved through assisted reproduction ,exact wording in our legal papers . . . .FATHER, the minor child herein was conceived through the process of assisted reproduction, as defined by R.C.W. 26.26.011(4), and pursuant to R.C.W. .26.26.705 semen donor is not a parent of the child. Accordingly there is no legal father in this matter. Although our donor didn't have to give up his legal rights to our child we did it anyway just to keep our butts covered.

2. Have a social worker come over for a home visit. We actually had two interviews with her, one at her home and one at ours. There are however social workers who will do just a phone interview enough to write the report.
Our social worker for the home visit was Ann Lindsey Lawerence.
We were also terribly nervous for no reason for the home visit. What we didn't realize until the whole process was over was that she was there for OUR benefit, and she ended up writing a really nice report about our home and family. She also had to do a criminal background check on my partner.

3. My partner also had to go in for a physical.

4. We had to sign a bunch of papers of course and then go into court in a closed court room, in which the judge put us on the spot and had us renew our vows to one another and to our newborn son. It was a little weird because we didn't know were going to have to renew our vows until one minute before we went before the judge,(we had just gotten married in Oregon a few months earlier) We got through it and then had a dinner with all of our close friends to celebrate the adoption !

One recommendation, take note of every penny you spend and get receipts when available so that you can write everything off when it comes to tax time. If you are financially in need you may be able to get a pro bono lawyer through the King County Bar Association. Just call them at [phone] or email cls@kcba and tell them what you are looking for.

I hope this helps some of you wonderful seattle pregnant families.
We are proof to the Washington State court that stopping us from getting married doesn't stop us from creating families.

[lunadoula]

Wow, I have to say that I feel very, very blessed that our 2nd-parent adoption process is much less involved than in Washington (no offense I hope!) We don't have to do a home study or physical or any of that! Just basically go to court.

And just so people know, the partner adopting can use the adoption tax credit to get all your legal fees, etc. back! (edited to add - oops, I guess you already pointed that out!)

[megan sacha]

Thanks Oliversmom! I'm worried about the home study too. How is that for our benefit? Our lawyer is Lisa Schuchman, who is also family and does these as often as Barbara. I guess we should give her a call in about a month to get the ball rolling. We also have the same language in our contract that the donor doesn't have to give up his rights as he doesn't have any because of the way the conception happened, but he will sign them off just to cover all the bases.

Beth, that's great that you don't have to go through any hoops.

[gaymama]

Hello, a complete newbie to the site here.

Names: Marie (me, the carrying one), and Jill. There's also Jeff, who is our gay male donor, going to be semi-involved Dad.
EDD: 15th April
Baby number 1
Biggest worry right now: I don't know that I have any worries or fears right now, but trying to work out how to unmedicalise all the birth and early babyhood stuff is hard. Home birth seems to be much easier in the UK than it is in the US, and my midwives have been quite supportive about me refusing most of the medical tests, but even so, I know they are going to get a bit unhappy about placenta-eating and co-sleeping :

[oliversmoms]

[QUOTE=megan sacha;6156533]Thanks Oliversmom! I'm worried about the home study too. How is that for our benefit?



As far as for your benefit, I just meant you have to realize that the home study social worker is there to write a report for your benefit, you are paying them and they are essentially working for you. . .however I must admit all the loopholes are a pain in the ass, especially a home study something that is usually reserved for parents with issues, and it sucks that we have to leap through them because we are alternative families.

[oliversmoms]

Just checking in with all the expectant couples

So how is everyone doing? We are 14 weeks today and looking forward to our midwife appointment next week.

Our first mwife appointment kinda sucked. I could tell that we were her first lesbian couple ever, and she was a little bit unsure of how to act toward us. Not at all our experience with our first pregnancy. Luckily (kind of) we work with a network of midwives and we have the choice not to deal with her anymore.

The funniest thing was that when I had a little bit of spotting in the 10th week and she didn't know how to ask if my partner and I had had sex recently. She kind of stumbled over her words asking have you uhhh had anything in your uh ummmm. . . to which point I had to interrupt her and say have my partner and I had sex? You would think that someone who looks at women's vagina's on a daily basis would be able to ask a simple question like that. Hopefully the other midwives will be a little more experienced with couples like us!

Baby news : slight movements, great heartbeat, and I have the feeling it's a girl!

[megan sacha]

Welcome to the 2nd trimester Oliversmom! I know we talked before, but that was before we knew we were expecting a boy and now our top name is Oliver! Has that been a good name in Seattle? We love the name. We also love Finn.

Sorry for the bad experience you had with the midwife. Which group are you with? We've now moved to a group of midwives too and the first one we met we don't like at all. Will have to make sure not to go into labor/be induced when she's around!

We're just a few days past 23 weeks and I can't believe how little time we have...around 16 weeks. Ack! So much to do, so little time.

[oliversmoms]

great names

I love both the names Oliver and Finn. The name Oliver has become increasingly popular around Seattle. We frequently run into other little Olivers at the playground but I can only think of one Finn that I've met.

Our midwife group is through Group Health on Capitol hill and in general we've had great experiences with our family practioner, so if our next midwife appointment doesn't go well we'll be switching back to Dr. Stanley (who actually did our first pregnancy, but is on sebatical until January)

Anyway just in case you need a few places to check out for used quality baby gear in Seattle. . . our favorite places are:

bootyland (capitol hill) Absolute Favorite
mom n me (fremont)
Value Village (capitol hill)

[kettunainen]

I thought I'd join in.

Name(s): Angela (me, the carrying one) and Lynna (wife of 2.5 years) with partner/donor/father Nikos
EDD: July/August 2007
Baby #: 1 (and 2?)
Biggest Concern: First and foremost, I want to make it out of the 1st trimester. I'm 8 weeks now, so I guess I have another 6-ish to go. It hasn't been too rough at all, for which I am eternally grateful. Secondmost is hoping that I can do this pregnancy as intervention-free as possible. I'm shooting for a super healthy UP/UC.

[queerlou]

Two more Seattle mamas here!

Hi...thought I'd join in. I'm terrible at posting but good at lurking

Name(s): Stacy & Kelli (Kel is carrying after 3 unsuccesful years of trying to get me pg)
EDD: March 30, 2007
Baby #: 1
Biggest Concern: Time is flying! We're at 25 weeks now and the weeks seem to be flying by! We'll be doing the screening for gestational diabetes at the next midwife appt so crossing our fingers that it will turn out alright (Kel already has borderline blood suger issues). Our last ultrasound show that little moxie (our nickname for him/her) is growing well and he/she is moving all the time.

After so many years of trying to get me pg, it almost feels like we're both pg (except I don't have to get up 3 times a night to pee!...poor DP!) I'm prepping to try adoptive bf since Kel won't be able to bf so that adds a bit of planning and we're looking forward to our childbirth classes starting in Feb!

Thanks for being out there mamas!
--Stacy

[PixelDust]

Congratulations and welcome, kettunainen and queerlou!

[megincl]

Just got a BFP today!!!! : : :

We are so so excited! A Christmas eve gift....

Our info, just to catch up: Megin and Katie (she's the pregnant one)
Due September 1!
What else...our son Quinn knew before we knew that this try worked. He started asking to kiss the baby in the belly over a week ago. Love that!

be well all,
megin