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post #81 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by ericswifey27
While on the subject of separation from our little ones, perhaps someone has some advice for me?

My twin sister would like me to come for the birth of her son, due in November. I want to be there with her and my new nephew to be very much, but I would not be able to bring my 2 1/2 year old son. He would stay with daddy, grandma and grandpa.

Aside from the difficulty of being away from him for a week, there is another concern: He is still nursing several times a day.

For nursing moms who have been separated, what did you do to maintain milk supply? Should I pump? How often?

I may be gone for a week, and I want my son to be assured that I will
continue nursing him when I return.
I may be opening myself up for attack... but I'm surprised no one else has responded to this... IMO a week away from a 2 1/2 year old is not a good idea. I know your son will be with loved ones and with his daddy, but YOU are his primary caregiver and you still have an ongoing breastfeeding relationship. Perhaps I'm wrong about this as my son isn't yet two and I don't have direct experience in this area, but from my reading on attachment theory, a long absence, especially between the ages of 1 and 3 can do harm to a child, and to your relationship. A week to a 2 1/2 year old is a much longer time than it is to us. I don't want to sound judgemental or critical, but I think you may regret leaving your child for that long, and I feel it would be wrong of me not to say something. A great book to read is "Becoming Attached". I don't remember the author. It describes the despair of hospitalized children that were separated from their mothers. And how when reunited with their parents, they rejected them. Granted, they weren't with familiar family members (and daddy), so it was a much worse situation... I just don't think a 2 1/2 understands why Mommy went away and that she is coming back after a long absence. A few days I think would be OK, but not a week.

Sorry to be such a downer. I understand your desire to be with your sister when she gives birth.
post #82 of 113
I've been apart from my 5-year old two nights and one of those nights was when I delivered my now 18-month old. Both nights she was with my parents and she is very close to them.

I've never left my 18-month old.
post #83 of 113
Never been away from my just over 3 year old, never been away from the baby either. Until the kids can clearly talk and be understood by others, I don't feel comfortable w/them spending the night away from myself. Dh has spent a handful of nights away from us.
post #84 of 113
Ds is 2.5 and neither myself or dh have spent a night away from him. There's never been any reason to and I don't see any reason coming up anytime soon. My mom has expressed a desire for him to stay overnight with her but once she realised we still cosleep and nurse and have no plans to stop she's not pressed the sleepover idea much!
post #85 of 113
Ds is 4 and I've never spent a night away from him.
post #86 of 113
Dd is 27 months, still nursing (day and night) and I have never spent a night away from her. My parents have watched her for an evening several times while dh and I went out...but I'm not sure when we'll actually do an overnight. I do know she will be with my parents for the first time though.
post #87 of 113
My twins are closing in on three years old and we have never been separated for a night (probably not for more than about 5 or 6 hours, when I come to think of it . . . )

Personally, since I haven't had any really compelling reason (hospitalization, new baby, etc.) I just don't feel comfortable with it until they are over three years old.

Dh's shrink (who was pretty mainstream, actually), said that extended separations of more than a night or two before age three can be very traumatic for a child, plus, I'm just not comfortable with it yet.

I have tentative getaway plans with a friend for my 40th b-day - and that's two years from now!
post #88 of 113
Hi, I didn't read any of the other replies I just wanted to ad mine.
I have a 17 m.o. ds whom I've never spent a night away from and a 4 y.o. dd who I was only away from for 2 nights when ds was born.
That's it.

dd does not want to spend the night away from me yet. And ds... I wouldn't feel right.

Lots of other mom's spend nights away and their kids manage fine. Mine wouldn't... you know you're kids and you know yourself. Follow your gut. There is no right answer.
post #89 of 113
Never spent a night away from my kids.

DS could handle it now.

DD (2) will have to wait a few more years.

If I had trusted family nearby (that she was used to) then I would do it (maybe).
post #90 of 113
I have never spent the night away from my son either, even though he's pretty much nightweaned now. Don't plan to either. When he's old enough to tell me he wants to spend the night at a friend's or grandparents, then we'll do it!

Well, actually when I go into the hospital to have my baby, I'm sure I'll spend one night away. I don't count that one though.
post #91 of 113
We spent one night away from opur 7 year old when she was about 3.5 or so. She stayed at my moms. We went to a hptel room not too far away. We were so missing her that we sat up half the night. At the earliest time possible, I think it was around 5:30 or so, we got up, checked out, and hurried to mom's house sure that dd was going to be awake and freaking...we got there and they were alll fast a sleep..we were the only awake ones..

Having said that, we haven't ever left the other two alone over night...it's just to hard on US!! the baby is still nursing, so that's another reason.

We firmly believe that the kids go where ever we go...no matter where that is.
post #92 of 113
Well I get to do night shift at the hospital so I spend nights away regularly. DS sleeps at my mom's place those days cuz DH goes to work very early or very late.

its cute If you ask him where mommy works he says Hospital If you ask him where he works he says "nanni's house"
post #93 of 113
I've spent 2 nights away from my daughter. Once when I gave birth to DS at a hospital overnight...my sister came out to stay with us and had been there for a week before the event, and DD wasn't phased by me being gone. I put her to bed that night, and was back by dinnertime. The other time was when she was just a month or two over 2 years old. I let her have a sleepover at my friend's house when she offered...we were having sleep issues with my son and were just too sleep deprived to deal really well with DD waking up early in the morning, and my friend's daughter was my daughter's favorite friend. She had a great time and did very well, even if it did take her a while to stop playing and go to sleep.

My daughter was not bf'ing or cosleeping for either of those times, and if she had been, I would expect much different results, for the worse.
post #94 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by kbchavez
I may be opening myself up for attack... but I'm surprised no one else has responded to this... IMO a week away from a 2 1/2 year old is not a good idea. I know your son will be with loved ones and with his daddy, but YOU are his primary caregiver and you still have an ongoing breastfeeding relationship. Perhaps I'm wrong about this as my son isn't yet two and I don't have direct experience in this area, but from my reading on attachment theory, a long absence, especially between the ages of 1 and 3 can do harm to a child, and to your relationship. A week to a 2 1/2 year old is a much longer time than it is to us. I don't want to sound judgemental or critical, but I think you may regret leaving your child for that long, and I feel it would be wrong of me not to say something. A great book to read is "Becoming Attached". I don't remember the author. It describes the despair of hospitalized children that were separated from their mothers. And how when reunited with their parents, they rejected them. Granted, they weren't with familiar family members (and daddy), so it was a much worse situation... I just don't think a 2 1/2 understands why Mommy went away and that she is coming back after a long absence. A few days I think would be OK, but not a week.

Sorry to be such a downer. I understand your desire to be with your sister when she gives birth.
I appreciate the honest but non judgemental advice, thanks. It is something I am ambivalent about too. And if I don't make a decision soon I will have to pay ridiculous amounts for a ticket as it would be right around Thanksgiving. Sigh. I have a lot of thinking to do. : (
post #95 of 113
Nope, he'll be three in two weeks (WOW!) and we've spent every night by each other's side. I can't imagine it would go very well if I tried to skip out on him since he still wakes occasionally and needs his human pacifier.
post #96 of 113
I've left DD twice overnight. Both times because I was in the hospital. She had just turned 2 at the time and was still nursing alot at night and co-sleeping. Neither night went well but the second night (an emergency) was much, much worse as I wasn't able to prepare her for it. We have since night weaned, she is now 2 1/2 and we are thinking about leaving her for a night sometime before this baby comes. Maybe our anniversary in September or a wedding that DH is standing up in this fall. We haven't had any urge to do so up until now, and even now are pretty iffy about it. But Grandma & Grandpa live a couple miles away and she has lots of fun with them. I think she would be fine now.
post #97 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by ericswifey27
I appreciate the honest but non judgemental advice, thanks. It is something I am ambivalent about too. And if I don't make a decision soon I will have to pay ridiculous amounts for a ticket as it would be right around Thanksgiving. Sigh. I have a lot of thinking to do. : (
Look at the big picture...

your child is in the hands of people who love him. Call him every night, even if is baby talk. and as I am learning with my DS, children are amazingly resilent. My DS has adapted to me working shift work, and being away from me for days at a time. Will he have huge abandonment issues, will you ruin his life.. its doubtful. Children have gone through so much worse out there, and yet we survive.... l
post #98 of 113
I haven't spent one night away from ds (15 months). Actually I have never been away from him in the evening except to go to work...and I am home by 10. I just am not ready.
I told my ex that I would night wean him around 18 months so that it is easier for ds to stay at his house. So I guess I have a few months to go yet.
post #99 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by kbchavez
I just don't think a 2 1/2 understands why Mommy went away and that she is coming back after a long absence. A few days I think would be OK, but not a week.
They are resiliant creatures though. I have sadly been away from my 3 1/2 year old more than probably anyone on these boards. I was hospitalized for a week when she was 20 months. and then spent 92 days in and out of the hospital from 22 months through 30 months. Then a week inthe hospital away from both girls at 36 months and 5 months, and another week at 39 months and 8 months. Obviously this could not be avoided, but lots of phone calls, visits and support form daddy, grandparents, aunt and uncle, and the absolute best AP babysitter int he world has allowed them to come through it all great. Nursing continued for Maia after the 1st hospital stay, though the month long stay at 24 months was too much, I was pregnant, had emergency surgery, and was facing not being allowed to eat until the baby was born (I was 10 weeks at that time). Sage is still nursing despite my 2 week long stays. The only lasting effects I have noticed are that Maia is very compassionate to her two friends who's mommies had babies, she assured them that mommies always come home when they have to go to the hospital, and that she does get a little freaked if I mention that I am not feeling well. She always asks if it means I have to go back to the hospital.
post #100 of 113
I haven't been away from DS for more than 8 hours. I had to take a class and my mom flew in to take care of him. She filled him so full of ice cream and crap that he didn't miss me. I DID get tackled at the door for my boobs, though!
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