August Dating Thread

[BelovedK]

Post away, no matter how frivolous it may be.

I have decided that I'm done with dating. After my last experience, I think I will just not waste my time. I wrote about it in my blog, so I won't repeat it here. Check out the blog. I think it's titled 'the worst evening of my life' and it was right up there.

[Haydee]

I've decided men are more like children than anything else. Annoying, needy children. Either that or I have a way with finding the ones who behave like children.

I don't need another child right now, I have my hands full as it is.

That said, I broke up with my boyfriend, and am currently attempting to abstain from men for a while. I'm on week 4, we'll see how long this lasts.

[BelovedK]

Let's start an abstinance club Kerry...We don't need men, we may want one, but never 'need' I just got out of a marriage with an adult child, no more please.

[StephandOwen]

Can I join the abstinance club? Going on 3 years now since I've gotten any sort of action : Although now I've got to wonder... what the heck am I doing posting in a *dating* thread?!? :

[mama40]

You know who can be great, though? Ex-boyfriends. Three of mine are helping me through this divorce thing, plus another ex's mother. I had a great bike ride with one this afternoon, and a few weeks ago another left a voicemail reminding me I was fabulous. That was the whole message. The third sends presents, takes me out to dinner when he's in town, invites me to come visit & just hang in Cali (unwise, I suspect, during custody proceedings) and is in the right time zone for late-night "omg I'm so freaked out by this whole divorce thing" phone calls.

Of course, there's no sex, but somehow that just doesn't seem like a gigantic liability at the moment.

I decided a while back that what I really need is a swain. Some dude who'll take me out every so often, be scintillating in conversation, tell me I'm wonderful, be terrific in bed when I want it, and otherwise pretty much withdraw discreetly. =) I completely hear the adult-child thing. I was talking to my old roommate the other night, and she was telling me about another one of our college friends who divorced -- the woman has 3 kids and a career, and apparently the guy she was seeing complained he didn't get to see her enough. Well, my God, seriously. 3 kids, hello. If you get the bed to yourselves for a solid 8 hours, that ought to be high marks for intimacy.

I admit, I do sometimes look through the dating sites, but wow, talk about scary losers. They remind me again of why I wanted out of this whole scene.

[mama40]

Ha! Who gave me my subhead, there? Thanks, whoever you are.

[mama40]

sorry triple, but K, I read your blog post, and aaaaaaa! Run away!

Seriously, I know you were being polite, but if you've got a date with a creepy character like that again, will you please listen to your gut & flee? Like maybe say something like, "You know, I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work out. Thanks for coming out, I appreciate the effort," and just go, cellphone in hand in case he follows.

Politeness gets us into so much trouble...it got me mugged once, when I saw the guy coming at me, and I just sat there in customer-service can-I-help-you mode. Hard habit to break.

[BelovedK]

You are right, I'm way too nice :

BTW I like your DDDDC

[Jilian]

Kelly: I read your blog a while back and it was sooooo funny. I felt uncomfortable FOR YOU!

As for me, things are going well with dating. Still dating Brian and it's been over a year and a half now. We've been talking about babies and marriage. I'm kind of anti-marriage now just because my divorce from hell has been going on for over 2.5 years now with no end in sight. Marriage is important to him so we will most likely get married eventually.

[TAC]

This guy at work just told me that he was "smitten" with me I am soooo not ready. I can't even think about bringing someone needy into my life, even a little needy. I am so gun shy at this point I am afraid to put the effort into any relationship. Of course I didn't laugh at this guy, I thanked him for the compliment and than told him to say hello to his wife for me.

[ExuberantDaffodil]

Jilian - BABIES??? Woo-hoo!

The man I've been seeing just gets better and better. We've known each other almost a year, and have been "official" (whatever that means) since December. My family really likes him, so that's a plus.

We've been throwing around "future" plans... I love the way he interacts with ds. I've only met his daughter twice, but that seems to be going pretty well. She told him the other day that she was glad he had a girlfriend and that she wouldn't mind if we got married and I became her stepmom. I had visions of dancing bananas in my head when I heard that!

I have to share this kind of funny story about his daughter (who is 7). DP, his daughter, and I went to dinner last weekend, and she brought this stuffed dog with her. She was so excited to show me the Mommy puppy with the baby puppy. I noticed that the mommy puppy had little hearts on her side, and I asked her what those were for. She said, "That's where the baby puppy drinks milk." My eyes almost welled up with tears. She got all excited and put the puppy up to the mother and made slurpy sounds. I made some comment about puppy milk for baby puppies, and got all into playing with the toy with her. DP laughed and rolled his eyes, so I told him it is never too early to encourage lactivism!

Our next step is introducing my ds to his daughter... which we are really cautious about. I don't want to wait TOO long, but I want to be careful that seeing my ds interact with her daddy doesn't cause any jealousy or anything like that.

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by ExuberantDaffodil

Jilian - BABIES??? Woo-hoo!

Yeah I actually had an early m/c last month. It was sad, but we weren't officially TTC. We're thinking of "seeing what happens" next month. I'm kind of torn on the issue. I DESPERATELY want another child soon (with DP of course) but my divorce still is not final. It's not looking like it will be final any time soon. It's been 2.5 years already. I feel divorced already so it's not an issue for me, but DP isn't so cool with it (and I understand completely). It just feels like my ex is still controlling me by dragging this divorce on. I hate having to put my life on hold for a stupid divorce that may drag on for more years. My DS is already 3.5 and only getting older. I want him to be able to be close to his sibling(s) and I feel like I'm getting old too....ughhh Anyone have any opinions or advice?

The timing for a baby would be perfect right now because after the fall semester I have a year off while I wait to get into the nursing program, that would give me some time to SAH with my new babe and my DS.

[StephandOwen]

I'm sorry for your loss, Jillian.



You know what the 5 words that have been driving me batty are?

"So, are you seeing anyone?"



WHY must everyone ask this. Really. Does it matter? Will it somehow affect them if I'm not (or if I am)? I just don't get the obsession.

I saw an old friend from high school earlier this week. One of the first things out of her mouth was

"I heard you and *M* broke up?"

"Yes, shortly after Owen was born."

"So, are you seeing anyone?"

"Nope, it's just me and Owen"

"Really? Well, that's okay. You'll meet someone soon."

And what if I don't? Is it that horrible that I'm not dating or married right now? (I went to a wedding of a former classmate earlier this summer and was SHOCKED that most of us are either married, engaged, or in a long term relationship- there was only 12 of us on my graduating class, 1/3 of them are married/engaged and we've only been out of school for 4 years! But I've got them all beat because I'm the only one with a kid ). I just don't get why people must ask this. And then give you *the look* when you say no. Like they're looking you up and down trying to figure out *why* you're not dating anyone.

[Haydee]

Originally Posted by mammakerry

That said, I broke up with my boyfriend, and am currently attempting to abstain from men for a while. I'm on week 4, we'll see how long this lasts.

Alright, I know I typed this. How come as soon as I decide to abstain a whole bunch of decent men show up in my life? Yesteday I spent some time with a male friend that I havn't seen in a while. We went for sushi (and he wouldn't let me pay) and had a great time. I got the feeling that he's interested. I also have a friend trying to set me up with someone else. Also, a few old friends are back from college and want to get together.

All of these men are really great people. Not the usual havn't graduated high school, can't keep a job, smoke, etc...

So now what do I do?

[Haydee]

Originally Posted by ExuberantDaffodil

Jilian - BABIES??? Woo-hoo!

That's so exciting! I'm jealous!!

[HappyNewMama]

Originally Posted by mammakerry

Alright, I know I typed this. How come as soon as I decide to abstain a whole bunch of decent men show up in my life? Yesteday I spent some time with a male friend that I havn't seen in a while. We went for sushi (and he wouldn't let me pay) and had a great time. I got the feeling that he's interested. I also have a friend trying to set me up with someone else. Also, a few old friends are back from college and want to get together.

All of these men are really great people. Not the usual havn't graduated high school, can't keep a job, smoke, etc...

So now what do I do?

Do Nothing!
It's the universe "testing" you!!!! It's trying to find out if you're serious or not...if you think these guys are great, wait until you see what is being held in store for you... Stick to your guns and follow through on what you planned for yourself.





If I were you I would figure out 'why' EXACTLY I wanted to 'abstain' for the time being. That way you will know when you have met the conditions for partaking?!? The proof is in the pudding, right? So your you-centered thinking is working as you can see--now find out how far it can take you!

[HappyNewMama]

de-lurking

I have to second the "ex-boyfriends are great" comment....I highly recommend search engines ladies!!!! That and being brave. You know how they say--be careful what you wish for, you just might get it?!?? That is what's happening in my life right now! Weird and exciting, I must say. I've noticed that getting clear with myself about what I want helps me to be clear with others--and so far they've been pretty open to giving me what I want

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by mammakerry

Alright, I know I typed this. How come as soon as I decide to abstain a whole bunch of decent men show up in my life? Yesteday I spent some time with a male friend that I havn't seen in a while. We went for sushi (and he wouldn't let me pay) and had a great time. I got the feeling that he's interested. I also have a friend trying to set me up with someone else. Also, a few old friends are back from college and want to get together.

All of these men are really great people. Not the usual havn't graduated high school, can't keep a job, smoke, etc...

So now what do I do?

Go out, have a great time, share some laughs. But that doesn't mean you have to sleep with any of them! And if any of them have a problem with no sex on the first (or second or third, etc) date then are they really worth it?

Oh.... and get a friend. The kind with batteries. Then you won't even need a male around

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

Oh.... and get a friend. The kind with batteries. Then you won't even need a male around

Yep, a BOB comes in handy when your single

[BelovedK]

Speaking of ex boyfriends....

My ex bf just called me (from 20 years ago)
and I'm freaking out. He was crying and confiding in me about the way his wife (who he married bc they got pg) left him out of the blue (?!) He, well, I don't know. My world feels rocked. We had great chemistry together. Now he wants to renew our friendship. I know this would be stupid if it led to anything, but I am so:

If I could maintain a casual friendship with him it would be OK, but I'm not sure about the way he makes me feel ( : ) It is too strong, and he is going to have a baby in Dec. He is crushed that he will be a part time dad, he really wants the child, but is not compatible with the mom. I don't know what he wants of me. he told me that he called me bc I was the most signifigant relationship he has ever had, I have not had the same chemistry with anyone else either.

I'm scared about facing him in light of the strong feelings that are floating around. I am supposed to meet him tonight, he says that he needs support from friends right now.

We HAVE been in touch on MySpace, so it's not like I hadn't heard from him in 20 years,

Thanks for listening. I am just flustered and I had to get this off of my chest


BTW, it is over between he and his wife (of 3 months), not that I'm rationalizing or anything.



UPDATE: We cancelled our plans for tonight. It is for the best, it would've been stupid to rush back into something (I know how it would've played out) with him. He IS married with a child on the way (I'm not like that). I honestly think it was the universe's way of testing me. I hope I passed. He is such a charmer, and the chemistry we shared It would be a mistake to get near him. My cellphone is turned off.

Thanks for listening