August Dating Thread - Page 8

[Jilian]

I always mention that I'm a mom. It's one of the first things I say. I look a lot younger than I am so when people ask my age I usually respond by saying something like "I'm a lot older than I look. I'm 27 and I have a 3.5 yr old son too". I like to weed out the guys who don't like kids right away.

[cheyennemama]

Originally Posted by Jilian

I like to weed out the guys who don't like kids right away.

Yeah but I don't necessarily want Mr.Right#2 right now. I just want to go out and have a nice time. Any men on this site that mind responding?

[stirringleaf]

me too... i am not necessarily looking for mr right either. i mean i hope he comes along, but in the meantime i just want company ... i am not ready for the kind of relationship where they interact with ds much , so i dont really "need" them to like kids. that said i dont think i would date anyone very long that didnt like kids.. that just seems like a personality conflict since i love children in general

but right now,,,dating world is totally separate from mommy world. so i feel no need upoon first introduction to admit my motherhood, lol

[TalkToMeNow]

I'm a waiter on the kid thing, too. I don't feel the need to throw it out in a casual, first time conversation.

[mama40]

I don't know -- don't you think it's a little misleading? After all, if you're not going to be bringing the other person into the kid's life, you're as good as saying that this isn't going to turn into marriage or might-as-well-be marriage. Which is fine, but if that's what the other person's after, I'd think it's a courtesy to let them know they're in the wrong spot to pan for gold.

[MissAbbyRosesMamma]

i tell people up front. just cuz im naturally loud! but a lot of guys my age dont want to del with someone with a kid...which is something that im dealing with today: he likes me but doesnt know if he wants to deal with all that. dont tell me you like me if you cant act on liking me cuz of my daughter...oooo im getting mad again...

[Jster]

I tell people right away about the kids...and part of it is because I don't want to just date for fun, but even if I did, I'd want to be ready for the "what-if" possibility that it turned into more, kwim? And I also think it's only fair to the person you're dating...unless you talk specifically about what you want and it doesn't involve a LTR for either of you...

[cheyennemama]

I figure let's say I meet someone randomly and they ask me out- us barely knowing each. Don't mention the DC. During the first date, it'll certainly come up. It's not like someone's going to say, "Hey, wanna go out?" and I'll say- "Sure, BTW, I have 2 kids."

[Jster]

: maybe I've just never had the experience of someone asking me out w/out knowing me first, hehe!!! In fact, um, now that I think about it...if I hadn't done internet dating, I wouldn't have done any dating. : Kudos to you ladies for getting out there in present way!!!

[stirringleaf]

I don't know -- don't you think it's a little misleading? After all, if you're not going to be bringing the other person into the kid's life, you're as good as saying that this isn't going to turn into marriage or might-as-well-be marriage. Which is fine, but if that's what the other person's after, I'd think it's a courtesy to let them know they're in the wrong spot to pan for gold.

i at least have the conversation of " what i am looking for" if anything.. i mean i dont have a ton of experience with this yet, but with the most recent date.. he found out i had a kid cuz he saw us togeter. we still went on a date.

we talked about relationships, and i mentioned i am more looking for company than a serious relationship. he said he was looking for the same thing. so , essentially, the conversation can be about what you are looking for in dating. as long as you communicate at least that, its fine, but really if someone were to assume you were a serious couple after a date or two, or if they were to assume they knew everything about you... they arent really being relistic. i mean i dont think its necessary to go in to all that stuff when you are first gettting to know someone. certanly after a few dates, if it feels like things are going to be continuing and you like each other, yes , its time to start talking about that stuff.

[stirringleaf]

ps plus, i "want" a casual relationship out of self protection , really, becasue i am still recovering from separation/divorce and then a failed dating scenario this summer... honestly i DO want to fall in love again.. but thats not what i am going to tell people because i am not ready for that kind of rejection and i dont want to be alone all the time right now. so the casual relationship idea is just a happy medium. if things got serious, i would reasses. i am open to more

[mountain]

Of course, we all want that possibility...I've got lots of guy friends who probably don't want to get so heavy b/c the responsibilty of kids...that's just something you find out in the process.

I wondered about the age thing b/c one one hand, it's a shut-off point for some people, but on the other hand, I'm proud of my years on earth, how good i look, etc.

Anyway, I talked to Grocery Store Guy & he's going to an N.A. retreat this weekend...so there's a red flag for me...I've dealt enough w/addiction for my entire lifetime, it seems.

Coffee guy hasn't called me back...should I just forget it? Should I call him again? What would I say...I called him last Tuesday & it's been a week.

I had the most wonderful weekend with my girls...we went to golden gate park & ethiopian food & I got pulled up onstage w/Michael Franti & danced with Spearhead, yay! Sometimes I wonder if I really do want a guy in my life, how could they possibly be that much fun?

Should we start a "fall dating thread"? Beloved K

[Lucy VanPelt]

I don't think it's misleading. It's simply none of his business until I decide to tell him. I don't volunteer that I have kids. I don't lie and say "no" if the guy asks, either. But, since he won't meet my kids, it's not really pertinent to the relationship we're attempting to create.

I figure if he ever becomes Mr. Right potential, he'll already know I have kids by then.

Another reason I don't mention my kids is b/c I don't want a man thinking about that responsibility. They won't ever be his responsibility, as far as I'm concerned, so why even bring it up? A man and I recently "broke up" b/c he couldn't take it that I have 4 kids. All I wanted was sex every other weekend and phone conversation every now and then. He claimed that he only wanted that, too, but when push came to shove, he was in the future somewhere, marrying us off in his head. That's the only thing that could explain why my kids were an issue for him. He thought we had potential to make it long-term and wouldn't believe him when I told him otherwise.

It's really sad. I hope I never deal with that, again!