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August Dating Thread - Page 2

post #21 of 153
Thread Starter 
Jilian, I'm really excited for you babies, hmmmmm
post #22 of 153
Awwww, BelovedK.... Sometime doing the right thing can be frustrating, huh?

FWIW, I think you did the right thing...
post #23 of 153
Thread Starter 
me too
post #24 of 153
I'm in a fantastic relationship right now and have been dating her for almost a year now. Everything is absolutely picture perfect, I just never imagined that a relationship could be this wonderful! She is so good with my kids, so good to me. I have never had a relationship that had no fighting, yelling etc... GF and I just don't fight. We've had 4 serious discussions that did have some tears, but we're so sensitive to each other's feelings and every discussion has ended with some way to resolve the problem. Nothing left up in the air.

I've not ever had a more loving, giving, sharing, compassionate, respectful relationship in my life. It is just perfect.
post #25 of 153
Congrats wemoon you deserve it.
I'm glad to see you've resurfaced here again.
post #26 of 153
Hey Wemoon!

I am so happy to hear that your relationship is going so strong and happy.

Way to go, Girl! Congratulations.
post #27 of 153
Hey ladies Nice to see you! It's been awhile, eh? We may need an update thread so I can catch up!

Thanks for the support, I'm just loving life right now!
post #28 of 153
All is progressing beautifully with my partner. We continue to work, daily, on our relationship and I am amazed at how much closer we get. He has been a wonderful challenge to me. I have experienced a lot of internal growth in this relationship.

It is amazing, you can have this "list" of what you want, but once you get it you are like, "What the heck is going on?" I find I have to remind myself WHY I wanted and needed these traits in a partner. If he didn't have these traits, it would be just like any of my previous relationships...all of which NEVER worked out.

Anyway, we spent 9 days in Houston visiting with his brother and their family. It was a lot of fun, as they have 3 children. Oliver had a blast! It was also a wonderful bonding time between Oliver and my partner.
post #29 of 153
Hi all! Joining the crowd this month!

Well...after a long and strange and not-as-planned summer (I'll update it in the regular forum later), I'm back to life as normal, as school starts for my KINDERGARTENER on Tuesday (YIKES!) But this last week I had to myself, as the girls were with their dad, and in stead of working on stuff around the house (which I did do a bit of) I spent a LOT of time socializing...and relished it. For some reason, having the me-time for me as an adult is exactly what I need/ed to feel like a complete person and happy mama.

In terms of dating and the single mama, to keep this relevant...I had a lingering friendship/brief dating that we had a long talk last Sunday, and though neither of us came out and admitted it, we both are looking for different things. There is a peace to that, made much better by another fact.

There's a man I met online, who as soon as we communicated I realized is quite different in the same ways that I'm different...passionate about peace and justice, not connected to the material or commercial world, interested in art and creativity, appreciative of poetry and rhetoric. We'd actually met a couple of times at a foods not bombs event (he has gone weekly for about 8 months, I kept wanting to go and finally had two good excuses...to meet him and a box of Georgia peaches to share with the hungry). I was really glad to meet him in that setting...with my kids, and fairly neutral, and also in a situation where we are both wanting to be there for the purpose of it. We'd talked a lot by phone, emailed back and forth, and finally a few weeks ago met by ourselves and enjoyed a nice lunch. Well, this week, we met again and spoke for hours...as he wrote later, we feel so serene together. And met later this week, at which point we moved our relationship forward into passion and not just companionship. It's been wonderful and eye opening...to be with someone so caring, sweet, smart, so similar, who I can play my funky goddess folk music in the car and he loves it, who loves my mama body, who I am totally present in the IS when we're together. It's funny, I've thought about it, and there are so many topics that haven't come up yet...because they've been unnecessary to where we are when we're together.

Anyways, I thought I'd share. This is pretty new, but feels wonderful, and I want to just continue to enjoy it.

Glad to read that people seem to be happy where they are...those who are celibate and those who are involved with someone. Both have their benefits.

Wemoon and Heather, glad you're happy with your partners, you both sound like you're growing!

Jillian, glad you're happy with Brian, sorry about your m/c

And BelovedK, good for you for trusting your inner wisdom...if it's meant to happen, it will, so long as you don't try to force things or allow either of you to start trying to fill your internal voids with one another.

Peace all!
Jennifer
post #30 of 153
We're going to a concert this week. Wooo! It'll be my first concert in almost 11 years. I've been ill lately, and I haven't been leaving the house except to go to the corner store. Hopefully I'll feel better by then, but I most certainly won't be moshing.
post #31 of 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster
It's funny, I've thought about it, and there are so many topics that haven't come up yet...because they've been unnecessary to where we are when we're together.

Can you elaborate on this comment? I am really curious because I believe I know EXACTLY what you are saying, as I have also experienced it and I have met few people that can relate. But, I want to make sure I fully understand what you are saying.
post #32 of 153
Thread Starter 
It's good to hear from you Jennifer. I haven't heard from you in a while, I'm glad things are going well for all of you. I love hearing your stories

I posted a new recounting of a dating experience on my blog..brbwith a c&p or a link.
post #33 of 153
Thread Starter 

More learning~A pleasant recounting

One, two, three messages on my machine. Just as many missed calls on my cell, this is all in the course of two days. I don't even know this man, we've only emailed and talked by phone.

If he is eager for a phonecall, he should keep it to himself...it is not attractive, and a turn off.

At first, he sounds nice, normal, even like someone I could have chemistry with. Slowly unfolding before me though was this clingy, exclamation point of a man. He told me about his obsession with the gym, and how he kept trying and striving to achieve the overrated 'six pack' yet he never gets one because he doesn't take steroids...I know this junk because it is what he chose to talk to me about. A wise choice I might add, it only made him MORE attractive to me. I assured him that the only person he had to please was himself, he should love and accept the body he came with. You know what he told me???? That *I* was the one who had to like it (his body) he even mentioned me giving it the 'Kelly' stamp of approval. Yech! I must add that by now I am REALLY attracted to him, it keeps climbing, soon it will reach the summit and we will get married or something. Yech!

I told him that I just got off the phone with my friend Ron, he said "well, that's OK, as long as you didn't tell him you loved him" WHAT??? I love many people for many reasons. I am now alarmed that this one has my phone number (when will I learn) At least I blocked anyone from finding my address through Google. I told him that I didn't even know him, he had no right to tell me who I could and could not love. By now, I knew there was NO chemistry between us (i suspected as much)

Why, oh why can't I just have normal experiences with men??

Intelligent men, who don't start to act differently when they perceive the green light are almost impossible to find. When they are spotted, it is even more rare to actually have mutual attraction. Sometimes these things take time. I'm still trying to figure it out. I guess I still like the excitement of men who are no good for me (in a 'bad boy' sort of way) What's THAT all about?? I hate that.

I must add that I had a really great time with a normal man last night, it was refreshing. There is still the allure of the 'bad boy' haunting me. I wonder if I will ever grow out of it?
post #34 of 153
Thread Starter 
I'll add that I'm no longer looking. I'm sick of wasting my time. I don't have to go looking for insanity, it finds me.
post #35 of 153
a work in progress....enjoy the concert! I've been wanting to go see live music myself lately...though the last time I went to a concert (about 7 years ago) I bought ear plugs, ha! Gettin' old!

BelovedK...thanks for sharing your experience, and I know very much what you mean. It's amazing how people show themselves to be someone you don't want...and when they do it trying to impress you, it's amazing how little they've picked up about who you are!

Heather...hmmm, I'm trying to think of a clearer way of expressing that thought. I guess it came to mind after I'd met with some girlfriends for lunch and we had a chat about men in our lives, and one who's been with someone intensely for 5 weeks kept worrying about the fact that his longest relationship was 6 months. I realized I have no idea how long my friend's relationships have been, or how long ago, I haven't had any need to know nor has it come up. We never talked about sex, although that subject invariably has come up with just about every other person I've met online. We never even really talked about what we're looking for in a relationship. We have oodles in common, learn and share and enjoy, tell stories that are fun and poignant, but haven't needed to share all our baggage stories, if that makes any sense...It's just that when we talk or are together, we are really so comfortable in that moment that there doesn't seem to be a need to reach backward or direct the someplace, does that make any sense? We never worried about when to take things to any next level...it just has happened naturally.
post #36 of 153
BelovedK - I am always hesitant about giving out my phone number!! I had one guy I met online call and call and call - even after repeated attempts on my part to tell him I was NOT interested in any way, shape, or form... I think I posted about that guy last year... my first date after a 2 year haitus from dating... the WORST experience. Bleah.

In recent news, yesterday marked a special occasion: SO's daughter and my son met! We had been waiting for a while to introduce the kidlets, more for his daughter's sake. She is seven. Well, the meeting was rather uneventful! We met at a pet store to pick out fish for her aquarium, and although we were worried she might get a little jealous over SO showing my son attention, she didn't seem to mind a bit. In fact, the two barely interacted at all (there's quite an age difference). We went back to his house to put the fish in the water, and she let ds play with her toys while she and I played on the floor. I was kind of expecting an event, but it was very low key.

After I left, her mother picked her up, and an hour or so later, SO's XW showed up at his door with something to say... Eveidently she was not so thrilled that my son and I were helping to pick out fish, but since she couldn't pinpoint anything to be mad at, she simply didnt' "mind" at all (her words) as long as I was someone of good moral character (which is a dig at me for having a child out of "wedlock" ) who was nice to her daughter. She has attacked my "character" (as well as my son's ethnicity) on quite a few occasions, so I suppose this is a step forward. I try to be very respectful with this situation because I know how I feel about my X introducing his girlfriends and the way they interact with ds. I sincerely want her to know that I am not trying to step on her toes, undermine her authority, or be a "mother" to her daughter. I see the relationship more as someone who loves her daughter, a mentor, an adult friend, a role model... not a mother (she has a mother, and a good one at that). If there is one relationship I respect, it is that of a mother.
post #37 of 153
Mamas, I'm at this weird point where I've decided to just look inward and put distance between men and me. Keep em at arm's length...friend length, yk?...in the last month I've had more offers than in the whole year since I left my X. Really, I think they can sense that you don't want them & it makes them want you!
I got woken up yesterday by a guy who's son is friends with my son...he invites us to dinner...I thought he was 'with' my friend who I dance with but he shares with me they are separated & makes several comments over the dinner about going to a movie with him, how beautiful I am. It was really really weird for me b/c I just so don't want to THINK in this mode.

OTOH, I got an enormous ego boost in realizing that the bf I had after I separated from X (we broke up after 5 months mutually--it was just too soon & he was too YOUNG!)---he still wants me! heh heh heh. I love it. He wants to get together for a beer...I still think he's too young & his priorities suck.

WEMOON! It's so freaking good to see you woman!
post #38 of 153
BelovedK, sorry your dates aren't going well. It's a great thing that you are able to realize quickly when you are not compatible with someone. I was just thinking the other day about you and how far you've come. I remember when you first started posting here and how you were in limbo for so long. You seem to have grown so much since then. I'm happy for you.

Jennifer: I'm so happy to hear that you've found someone you connect with! You deserve to find someone nice that you are compatible with. I hope things continue to go well for you.
post #39 of 153
I never gave my phone number when I tried online dating. Ok, wait, lie. I did give it to one guy, who turned out to be really cool and we have remained friendly with one another. I then gave my number to lots and lots of women because I guess I felt less threatened. But I did contact a lot of guys and only one was worthy of getting my number.

Hey Mountain! You're like single and stuff now? I must've missed something in my absence. Where are you at now?
post #40 of 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK
I have decided that I'm done with dating. After my last experience, I think I will just not waste my time. I wrote about it in my blog, so I won't repeat it here. Check out the blog. I think it's titled 'the worst evening of my life' and it was right up there.
K, I'm feeling the need for a shower after reading that. He seemed so...greasy.

All others, I've just noticed this thread, and you know, I could use somewhere to think outloud about dating beyond what I'm willing to put on my (non-baby) blog. After a first date a few weeks back, I had someone magically start reading who was from Denver, like in about the exact amount of time it would have taken for him to drive home. Creepy, considering he never bothered following up on the second date he'd suggested. Ick.
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