“Everyday Blessings” Part V ~ Book Discussion & Tea Party - Page 13

[Breathe]

The rambling continues . . .

Have any of you ever wondered if our co-sleeping children will feel really lonely as lone-sleeping teenagers and young adults? And taking this thought one step further, is it possible that they might have more of a need to snuggle and cuddle and experience physical affection, and might therefore be likely to be promiscuous (sp?)?

I am absolutely CERTAIN that most young people who are sexually promiscuous are so bc of UNMET needs (for love, respect, regard, etc.), and that wouldn't be the case for our lovies, but is there a chance that all this lovin' now could set them up to seek lots-o-lovin' later . . . possibly in a sexual way before they're ready?

I wouldn't ask such a question ANYWHERE else -- only among you co-sleepers who won't be defensive!

Talk amongst yah-selves . . .
CLINK!

[Megs Mom]

I don't think they'll be lonely when they're older as long as they know they are ALWAYS welcome in my bed...somehow just having an option, even if you never used it, makes you feel safe, you know?

I agree that promiscuity usu. comes from unmet needs - and it's not just the cosleeping but all kinds of AP practices through many years of growing up that meets kids' needs and helps them meet their own...particularly the need for self-respect - another big factor in promiscuity, IMO.

[Curly Locks]

Thanks for the congrats! It has been an interesting time with dh around a lot more, but overall it has been a learning time for us as a couple and family. We're definately one of those couples with a love/hate relationship...cant live with or w/o eachother. : I asked him if he'd read our posts this week, just wondering type of questioning in passing and he said no. : And even if we had the money one day I think our king size bed is way big enough. But I still chuckle when I think of his suggestion.

I enjoyed reading the posts about the family bed. Such great stuff to ponder on. And it's neat how we all ended up choosing this lifestyle or it choosing us through our babe's needs...or in my case dh and ds ganging up on me until I saw the light.

I hate to think as far ahead as the teenage years with ds. But I think at one time, before I had really researched the family bed and how AP kids turn out, that I wondered about how ds would be as a teenager and in the pre-marital sex dept. too. Scary thought! But heck I was no and strange thoughts do cross my mind when I am sleep deprived. But I sincerely believe that we are raising our kids to trust us and themselves so that they are able to have "inner controls." Isn't that what APing is all about? Honestly, the thought of ds with another woman, besides his mama, is a hard thought for me! But I do try treat him with as much respect as he deserves...as much as any other person. And he commands respect. He exudes with confidence and it is a beautiful thing. It makes me so proud to be an AP mom!

We enjoy our mornings here too. It is so neat to see him wake up and smile! We like to wake up and cuddle and sometimes he gets down off the bed and hands me my glasses and hair clip. But usually he wants "nana" right away!

Sweet dreams!

[momcat]

El, I do remember reading somewhere that kids who co-sleep are earlier experimenters w/sex. Can't remember where that was, or with what kind of credibility the statement was made. It's a thought I've had, too... but I figure we'll cross that proverbial bridge later. Frankly, I'd rather have ds know how to "pet" w/o feeling the need to have intercourse... but that's another discussion, too!

We have been talking about how to transition ds into his own bed, but I just don't think it's going to happen any time soon. Dh definitely enjoys having ds in bed, but his excitement about it waxes and wanes (sorta like the moon - anyone see tonight's eclipse? powerful stuff!).

H - congratulations to dh!!! It's another life transition, but I'm sure this one will be easier than the last one - the paycheck will relieve some stress, I'd bet.

Jacq - we are the same age, but it's my dh who has the "baby face." I don't think we're going to make it to CA this summer, but maybe this fall - at which point we should get together! (But don't worry, El - I'm not forgetting about that family reunion! ) My cousin just became a first-time mama (1 hour before Mother's Day!) and had a nonmedicated, AWESOME birth experience! Yay, Berkeley! I really want to meet this little one. I can't wait for him and ds to play together!

As for my childhood, my mother definitely did NOT co-sleep. When I announced I was pg and due in November, her reaction was, "Oh, that's so great! You'll be done nursing by the time summer comes - it's so hot and awful to deal with then." So, CLEARLY she did not expect me to bf past 4-6 mos. I'm sure neither my sister nor I nursed past that time. How sad. MIL didn't nurse any of her children at all... but dh turned out just fine, thank you!

[nuggetsmom]

Who says chastity belts are not AP?

Seriously, I think even if they do experiment early, I am hoping to be close enought to DD that I will know about it and that I can help her use a condom. For instance by buying them for her and having them available no questions asked. A friend of mine's mother did that when we were in high school and he was not particulartly promiscious. Well, we got pretty well informed in our school. How I am going to talk about sex with a straight face is beyond me. I am sure I will manage, but DH is going to die. He can't say vagina without getting weird about it. Moslty I am just trying to keep DD out of the street and brushing her teeth. Her sex life has not been on my mind much. And maybe we will be a more cuddly family so she won't need to get closeness somewhere else.

What does worry me is how to teach her what is appropriate touch and what is not. And what to do if someones touching is icky. KWIM?
Have a fabulous weekend everyone.

momcat-it would be so cool if you came out here and we met!

[mamakarata]

hadn't thought of the co sleeping as a trigger for earlier than usual sexuality, but i follow your train of thought breathe.

who knows. at least it wouldn't be coming from an unhealthy place.i have imagined that ds will be very comfortable with intimacy. and i too tend to think the needs for affection will be met and therefore the transition to curiosity will actually be a natural and normal course.

but then you have to ask- what is "normal"- realizing that people have very different ideas of what is considered sexuality, and when they think it's okay to address it all with their children!

my sil thinks bf is barbaric. her words. and went as far as pumping to bottle feed (b/c she was smart enough to know bm is better than formula)- but didn't want baby to touch her breasts. "no, it doesn't hurt, i just think it is barbaric" she says.

and mil and gmil both agree it is a very private thing that should be done if you are bf your child directly.

lots of unopened messages full of shame around nudity and sexuality were passed on through dh's family. it's sad.

my family is very open to my approach. my mom wishes she had bf, and explains that formula was presented to her as the newest and best thing for children when we were small. she carries a lot of guilt for not knowing then what she knows now- and respects my parenting totally.

no co sleeping that i remember, though i do have a memory of being in a crib next to her bed blowing raspberry's at her and her laughing. my memory of childhood holds a lot of wishing i had my mom more- not because she didn't love me, but because she was spread so thin among her career and 5 kids. in some ways, much of my self esteem issues is around the older siblings behavior toward me. (i was the youngest).

sounds trivial, but people underestimate the affect older siblings have on young children. there was not a lot of supervision, and i think i spent too much time under their care. i remember just always wanting to sit in my moms lap, and being sad if i woke up after she left for work.

i don't want my children to have sad memories like that.

[Curly Locks]

I definately can see how AP can make a child grow into feeling comfortable w/ their bodies and very aware of natural instincts like this is appropiate and this is not. There are so many variables to consider as well. Like being exposed to thousands sexual images on TV/commercials, movies/previews, magazines/ads, newspapers/ads, music lyrics/videos or people that have unment physical needs (like a girlfriend/boyfriend). And the type of people they will be exposed to when they go to school or other activities is an influence too...depending on the child and whether or not they buy into certain beliefs or feel the "need." But my hope is that ds will choose to be around people that dont have a need at too young of an age for intimate sexual relations. I grew up around all the variables and then some and experimented way too young. Plus I had some serious unmet needs for physical closeness and low self esteem.

I may be in the big D in about a month! Maybe I'll have my imaginary jet pick you all up and we can hang out with Mamaste and Analisa and the spiders! But seriously! That would be so cool if some of you met in California! I wish we could all have a get together.

CLINK (almost time for a new thread?)

[Curly Locks]

Some of our discussion this week seems like a preview of Part VII, "Choices." Some chapters include "Family Values" and "Body Madness and Yearning for Intimacy." That should be very interesting!! I am hopeful and optimistic that we will still be around to discuss these chapters.

Is everyone ready to start Part VI, "Resonances, Attunement, and Presence" on Sunday? I am not so sure I am ready, but I am looking forward to more discussion! And from what I remember about this section of the book it should lead to more fruitful, heartfelt, and inspiring moments around here, mamas! Just when I start to wonder if we (mainly me) will make it through all the parts of the book together, I am pleasantly surprised at how we are still pulling it off!

Have a great weekend! CLINK

[Curly Locks]

New thread for Sunday...

I am really gung ho today! Got a lot going on this weekend too. Please subscribe to the new thread OR post a reply at your convenience.

Click the handy dandy link=>Everyday Blessings ~ Part VI

[Megs Mom]

Originally posted by Curly Locks
I may be in the big D in about a month! Maybe I'll have my imaginary jet pick you all up and we can hang out with Mamaste and Analisa and the spiders!

That would be SO COOL to get together! PM me more! We'd love to have you over! (And Mamaste )

The spiders, alas, should be gone by then. They are getting a big Terminix hello today!