August 3 1/2 YO tribe - Page 5

[DecemberSun]

I'm sick again. And tired. The break from pregnancy symptoms was a nice one. All my kids are crazy. :

Crystal was really really horrible for her new nurse yesterday. I can only leave Kaylee and Crystal with a nurse or DH, so if I ever want to get out of the house without the girls I need a good nurse to take care of them. Our new nurse is young, without kids, so I guess she didn't really understand what I meant when I said "You have to be firm from the beginning to let Crystal know you are the boss or she will walk all over you." Crystal is manipulative and very testy, especially with new people, so she needs clear boundaries set up from the very beginning. Plus communication is always an issue because she can't hear and not everyone knows sign language. Yesterday she took the cover off the pool table, there were balls all over the place, she broke a pool stick, she went into my room (off limits!) and started messing with my computer, she left the front door wide open with the a/c on (thankfully the dogs didn't get out), she went into Kaylee's room when she was napping (she knows better!), she spilled something sticky all over the table and floor (she usually spills drinks deliberately when a nurse is here so she can change her shirt), she pushed buttons on the DVD player (she knows better!), and got into DH's cabinets with the DVDs, video game controllers, remotes, etc... : This is an ongoing problem and I am getting soooooo frustrated with her!!! Why can't she just be good??? She definitely knows what she can and can not do when we are here, so why can't we expect the same behavior from her when we are gone???

I am almost (*almost*) at my breaking point here and I want to get out of foster care and take Zachary and get the heck out of AZ and start over!!! Right now I do not get consistent days off and I feel like I am losing it. Even when I do get to leave for a little while I'm worried about the nurse that's here in my house (we haven't been able to get a nurse in here for four months- since we got Kaylee!), and whether or not they can handle Crystal and Kaylee, and whether or not my house will be completely thrashed when I get home because the nurse doesn't keep Crystal in her place. I'm sorry for bitching here, mamas, but I am really really frustrated right now. I started doing foster care believing that I would get consistent reliable nursing care so I could get a break. I was given the impression that I would have a few nurses to work opposite each other so I could still take weekends off to go camping with my family. I have 40 hours of nursing per week per child, and I am only using 16 a week of that right now because of the qualified nursing shortage. I am so so so so tired of going somewhere and then getting calls from the nurse here telling me Crystal is too much for them to handle and can I please come home... OK, I'm done ranting now.

My conversation with Zachary yesterday in the car:
Zach: "Daddy James is going to be my Daddy too."
I told him "No, only Julianna has two dads. Daddy Rudi is your dad."
He said "Well, Daddy Rudi is getting rid of me."
I said "No he's not!"
Z: "Are you getting rid of me?"
Me: "No, I'm not getting rid of you!"
Z: "Well, you're getting rid of Nan."
Me: "No, I'm not getting rid of her. I love her very much. I want her to stay with us forever and ever, but I can't keep her. She's not mine, and Grandma Angie wants her to live over there."
Z: "Well, I'm gonna be mad at Grandma Angie!"
Me: "It's ok to be mad at her."
Z: "I'm gonna tell her NO when I see her."
Me: "You can tell her no, but Julianna will still be going to live with her."
Z: "And we will be so sad when she goes over there?"
Me: "Yes, we will all be sad when Julianna leaves, but she will have lots of love and kisses and hugs from Grandma Angie, and Nanabah, Greyhawk, and Jacob."
Z: "No, she won't get kisses, that's gross."
Me: "OK, but she will still have lots of fun over there, even if she misses us. It's ok to be mad and sad about it, but she will be ok!" (Trying to make it sound all sweet for the kids...)
Z: "Well when we go to Nan's party we can take her!"
Me: "Oh, when we go visit Nan for her birthday party we can take her with us back home?"
Z: "Yeah!!!"

All the while Julianna is silently listening to our conversation. At their last visit I told Julianna to say goodbye to her Grandma and give her a hug, and Zachary walked right up to Grandma Angie and put his arms out big for a hug. Then Julianna hugged her too, for the first time ever.

(For those of you who are new to the thread Julianna is my 3 1/2 yr old foster daughter, we've had her since she was four days old, and now she is scheduled to go live with her biological paternal grandmother in 6 months.)

So, anyway, yeah, my life is crazy as always. :

[jillmamma]

K's Mom, my kids are almost the exact same age as yours. DS is starting to get better at offering another toy to DD when she "messes up" his stuff, and sometimes that works. Other times I have to step in and get him to quit headbutting, hitting or kicking her. I always have him give her a hug to say sorry too. Other times, he is the only one that can get the biggest giggles out of her.

Anyone else dealing with extreme whinyness? That whiny voice drives me up the wall! : Much worse when he is hungry or tired, and we work on using a "nice voice", but man! Any other suggestions?

[littleteapot]

My DD just turned 3 but I want to join anyway.

After a fluke rush to the potty where she then willingly pooped on it, I tried a suggestion that others had given me: hide all the diapers and just say they're gone. Don't do anything forceful but just, essentially, eliminate the competition.
She said, "I hate peeing, I'll never pee again", and then SHE HELD IT FOR OVER 15 HOURS.

After two days where she'd only peed three times (once I caught it in the potty) I gave up. I took away all her fitteds and just switched to prefolds only. She'll never P/T EVER. :
Sometimes I think she's the most stubborn kid alive.

[DecemberSun]

Julianna holds her BMs until the last possible second. She actually told my dad yesterday that she doesn't poop, she only pees on the potty.

[tea olive]

hey everyone.
i've got a bellycast to go prime, and a pinata to start.

leah, i really appreciated your post. sending some strength to you.
love, casina

[DecemberSun]

Originally Posted by tea olive

leah, i really appreciated your post. sending some strength to you.
love, casina

I love you, Casina.

[K's Mom!]

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Good to know that I'm not the only one adjusting and struggling to adjust to having a new baby and older child. For some strange reason, I started to think that maybe, just maybe my parenting skills had gone to S@#T or something. : She just has not been her pre-sibling self. I second the notion that 3 is waaayyyy harder than 2!!!

DecemberSun~ Your life sounds crazy with 3 dfc. : But, I think it is soooo admirable of you to take in those children and give them a secure home. I'm soooo sorry that you have to "give back" Julianna to her bio grandmother. *hugs* to you. That must be so hard, since you've been raising her for so long. I imagine that if I were in your shoes, I would feel a bit crazy too. (sorry if I'm butting in on your life, after I've just joined this thread )

JillMamma~ Aren't you also on August 05 Babies? LOL! Thanks for your support. You truly know how it feels to have a 3.5 yr. old and 1 year old! The latest problem we're having is my DD wants to herd, pick up and move, or tackle, or play really rough with DS. I feel as if I'm a broken record saying, " please don't do that, Cheyne has to be able to agree to play that way first. . . :

I don't mean to come on here and complain and complain all about how hard my life is with DD and DS. SO, I will tell a cute story.
The other day we were having salad with Couscous on the side, this was the first time Kai had tasted it and she gobbled it all up than said, "Mom, That was yummy! Can I have some more goose bumps!" She really is a sweet heart and makes me (and her daddy and brother) laugh really hard!

Little Tea Pot- Is it possible that your dd is not wanting to use diapers to um, "cut off her nose to spite her face" kind of thing. Is she refusing to use the potty because of a struggle with you or her father? She'll proably just do it all on her own terms, huh? Can I suggest that you let her run naked for 3-4 days (outside preferably) so that she can get to learn her bodies' own signals. I've heard this works REALLY well! Good Luck! And I'm sure that she won't be in diapers at 6!

Good night mamas!

[littleteapot]

Originally Posted by K's Mom!

Little Tea Pot- Is it possible that your dd is not wanting to use diapers to um, "cut off her nose to spite her face" kind of thing. Is she refusing to use the potty because of a struggle with you or her father? She'll proably just do it all on her own terms, huh? Can I suggest that you let her run naked for 3-4 days (outside preferably) so that she can get to learn her bodies' own signals. I've heard this works REALLY well! Good Luck! And I'm sure that she won't be in diapers at 6!

We weren't potty training before, it was a fluke that I brought her to the toilet because she was gonna poop in about two seconds and I didn't have time to get a diaper so I sat her on the toilet intending to run and go get one... then she went on the toilet totallywillingly! Oh well, at least it happened ONCE
and she has been naked 99% of the day with no accidents ever since she was 18 months old. Believe me, she has bladder control that even you would envy!
She uses diapers only as a "thirty seconds on, pee, then they come off" deal. She goes in underwear or naked the rest of the time, even long car rides, for hours upon hours at a time.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by MamaFern

he's also really into the "you dont like me..i hate you..you are so mean" stuff..

Fern, you can't take such statements personally. Think of it as simply experimenting with language and words. I know that many of us feel that hate is a strong word (I'm among them!) but I didn't take it personally the first time BeanBean said, "I hate you, mamma!" just like I don't necessarily take it to heart when BeanBean says, "I'll never be happy again!" (He's very dramatic! ) Try giving him other words to use: "You sound really frustrated! Are you very angry with me? You seem so unhappy, honey! I'm sorry you feel that way, what can we do to change it?" I simply don't reflect the word "hate" back to him, and now he uses other words. "I'm so upset with you, mamma! I don't appreciate that you won't let me ______ right now!" He hasn't told me he hates me in at least six months. It's okay, because I know that he never actually hated me, he just wasn't articulating himself clearly. Heck, loads of very intelligent adults have difficultly articulating their thoughts when they're upset, it stands to reason that a person who's only been talking for a year or two would have a hard time finding the right words when they're unhappy.

It doesn't matter where he heard it from; every healthy, supported child will experiment with language in this way at some point in their lives, usually in early childhood and again in early adolesence (remember the first time you said, "shit" in front of a relative? or the first time you said it to friends and you knew that you should *never* say it in front of grandma? ). It's perfectly normal, he doesn't really hate you or else he wouldn't be brave enough to say such things to you, and he *will* move past it, probably sooner than you think.

[eco_mama]

MamaFern - I tried to PM you back but your mailbox is full. PM me when you clean them out.

Thanks!

[MamaFern]

[Mona]

getting ready for our move this coming tuesday. it's just down teh street so shouldn't be as bad as the last one. Kathrynn seems pretty excited about it. Esp since her grandparents and aunt are coming to visit next week to help us settle in after we've moved. :P

i had to at the idea of naming dinner items using blood or animal parts. K too is very sensitve and i think she might freak if i told her we were eating monkey brains, as she loves monkeys. she has a great imagination, but i'm not sure if it would extend that way.

she doesn't know the word hate at this point, but she knows the phrase "i'm having a difficult day" from when we visited my parents last. lol
its funny how fast they can catch onto a phrase.
oh, one day she called me a butt hole and wes and i about died from laughter. luckily we were in another room so she couldn't see us laughing.
she also calls the cat a crack whore sometimes. :

we've been going to this say it in spanish thing at the library every thursday, and K is really getting into it. Her first words were spanish, but then my attempt at learning spanish went to the wind and it kind of was forgotten. i really wish i knew how to speak it, but i have a hard enough time w/ english sometimse.

K's grandma got her a waldorf play stand for an early b'day present. She got a great deal on ebay. It should arrive by Tuesday i hope so we can put it into her new room. Anyone have one?

thats enuf blahblahblah for now.

hugs and love to all the mamas!!!!
lisa

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Mona

oh, one day she called me a butt hole and wes and i about died from laughter. luckily we were in another room so she couldn't see us laughing.
she also calls the cat a crack whore sometimes. :

: : : OMG, that's fantastic!

In the grocery store a few days ago, BeanBean refused to sit in the car cart next to his sister because, "BooBah doesn't want me in there, if I climb back in she'll bite my ass!" : Of course, he said it loudly enough so that half the store could hear him. It was hilarious!! OMG, it's SO HARD not to laugh.

[MamaFern]

its funny how fast they can catch onto a phrase.
oh, one day she called me a butt hole and wes and i about died from laughter. luckily we were in another room so she couldn't see us laughing.
she also calls the cat a crack whore sometimes. :

:

the other day we were walking to the local sushi shop and elwynn and i were chattering away.. ngaio was in the sling and he was on his daddies shoulders and i asked him where something was and he pointed and said "way the fuck over there" and tim and i laughed sooo hard. he just said it so casually and sweetly. it was very funny.

[majazama]

:.... sa-sa, my 2 YO, uses the word shit sometimes when she wants to accentuate something when she's mad, like "haeven, shit..."

[K's Mom!]

This age is just full of fantastically funny things! IT's very entertaining. LOL!

[littleteapot]

Mine has picked up the phrase we use when we're DEAD SERIOUS about her not doing something: "Don't ever do that again".

The other day she was struggling while trying to strip naked. I went over and reached to pull off her pants and she backed up, pointed a finger and said, "Don't you EVER take off my pants! EVER!" then she waddled away with them hanging around her ankles so she could do it herself.

[DecemberSun]

J and Z call each other "bastard" sometimes. :
And Zachary just LOVES going by the dam at the lake so he can say "damn." "Mom, is that the dam? I can day damn, right, Mom?"
Gee, I wonder where they hear these words???

[Awaken]

Originally Posted by Mona

oh, one day she called me a butt hole and wes and i about died from laughter. luckily we were in another room so she couldn't see us laughing.
she also calls the cat a crack whore sometimes. :

OMG!!!

[Mona]

oh, and i stand corrected, she called me an ass-hole. wes corrected me. the thing is, she did it w/ that so sweet voice, calling after me. it was so cute that we even hated to tell her that wasn't nice.

so, kathrynn has always hated and mostly refused to say good bye.
this has existed ever since i can remember. this pattern has continued, and now that she is older, it is more annoying in the sense that it is (1) rude to friends of hers that have her over to her house, so kinda hurts their feelings and (2) noticably not polite in teh general sense.
she also has always been equally "bad" about saying sorry.

we've never forced her to say either, but lately this has caused some issues and i'm not sure what to do with it. i feel "wierd' about MAKING her say these things, and i have explained to her that it makes people feel sad when she does not either say good bye or apologize if she hurts someone.
the other issue is, there is basically no "making" this child do anything. she is as stubborn as a german capricorn can get.

any experience with this kind of thing?

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