last minute location and attendant changes to homebirth plans?

[libbylu]

So, we are having this big heat wave and my mother, who is the only person besides mw and dh who we've invited to be at the birth, suggests that we have the birth at HER house. The pros: way bigger than our apt and air conditioned (it has been really hot and HUMID, getting cooler, but who knows what's coming?). The other obvious one is that it would be way more convenient for her. The thing is, I really hate the heat. On the other hand, the point of having a homebirth is being in your own home, right? Where all our stuff is, where we are most comfortable. In a way I feel insulted, as if my house is too messy, or in some other way inadequate.

I confessed this all to mw, thinking she would laugh at the idea, and I almost got the feeling she would rather be somewhere cooler. It brings out my insecurities about our house.

Dh thinks this is all silly and says not to worry. I'm not, really, but just wanted feedback.

Also, mw suggested at our last meeting that she has met a new doula who is offering services for free and would we be interested in meeting her and having her at the birth as a doula or an extra set of hands for mw? She wasn't pressuring at all, and we have considered having another person there, but it just seems so late to bring a stranger into things! Would anyone consider this and why? I guess it takes me a while to get to know a person that well, and that intimacy and continuity of care is part of why we like homebirthing. I guess I wonder if she's just offering to be nice, or if maybe she would really feel more comfortable with a support person for herself?

[JenMidwife]

Wow Libby, tough decisions... I think I can understand how you feel torn about leaving your home for your homebirth & I firmly believe that I woman will labor most effectively where she is most comfortable. But for me, I don't cope well in the heat & not having AC would be a huge problem for me in labor (& right now)... so that's me.

As for the doula, I'm 39.5 weeks now & can't imagine bringing anyone else "in" to my homebirth. My midwives had a new apprentice start w/ them a couple of months ago & I've gotten to know her now & feel really comfortable w/ her. But I'm not sure I would have been open to the idea at term.

A doula's role is for extra support for the mom (& her partner). If you guys don't feel that you need a doula, I wouldn't worry about it.

If your midwife's wanting a support person for herself, she should have come right out & said so- I wouldn't make a decision based on what you think she might want.

HTH & you find a solution that you feel good about.

[boobyfeeder]

Yikes, what a burden at the end of your pregnancy. I agree with Jen, I think the m/w was suggesting the doula to merely be nice, not for herself, otherwise she probably would have made the suggestion a long time ago. I couldn't hurt to meet with her, you may find you like her instantly (or you may hate her). As far as birthing at your mom's, are you comfortable there? Is it close to your house? I too am having a homebirth, so I understand the feeling of wanting to stay home, but if you feel you are comfortable at your mom's house, I say go for it. That way you can have access to the a/c. Or you could always get a small a/c for the room in your house that you plan to birth. Good luck to you!

[2 in August]

What a tough choice. I guess it comes down to air conditioning comfort vs the comfort of your home. Ultimately they seem to be the deciding factors. As for an extra person, I think Meghan is right, if you have thought about an extra support person this doula could be a perfect fit. If not, then there was no harm in meeting her. Good luck weighing your choices.

[SummerTwilight]

Ultimately it doesn't matter where anyone else wants it, it matters where YOU want it. I would strictly think about that when making your decision. Anyone else can live with the disappointment. Your mom being there is a privilege and the midwife is being paid so they don't get an opinion. :-) hth.

[AmieV]

If you think you'll want to stay at your mom's for awhile after, then you could consider doing it there. For me personally, I wouldn't. I had a birth center birth last time and it was wonderful and perfect in every way except for the fact that 6 hours after the birth I had to get up and schlep all my stuff and myself and my new baby home. The main reason we went the homebirth route this time is that I get to stay put and I can just go to sleep after if I want. Also, it could be tricky telling when you're really in labor...so if you call your midwife to come to your mom's because you think it's time and it turns out it's not, then what? Do you have to go back home?

as far as the doula is concerned...how much support is your mom going to be giving? We had a doula the first time and it was worthless because my mom ended up being the best doula ever. But if she's going to be more hands off it might be nice to have someone helping your husband support you. It can't hurt meeting her, she might be really nice.

[libbylu]

thanks for the feedback. I can see that our mw isn't trying to pressure us at all, just making sure that we know we have options and letting us pick what we really want. I just have this way of doubting myself; you know? I can always see both sides and then I start to waffle.

AmieV, I think I feel just the same way as what you said; a big motivation for homebirth is not moving. Sure, I'm comfortable at my folks house, but it's not OUR house, and then there would be going back and forth, and moving of things. I just want to cozy in. Of course, if it's really an inferno, I can change my mind.

Another thing I've thought of is that I want my mom's help here, not at her place. Another nice thing about a well-supported homebirth is that you don't have to go back to a mess at home after the birth! (not that I'm planning on having the house a mess, but we'll just see how it goes) It was also so nice with our first birth to not have that whole component of figuring out when to go in to the birth center or whatever--it made so much sense just not to have to go anywhere. We also will have a birth tub, so if it's real hot, the water could just be a little cooler, right? I can see that really I'm pretty clear on wanting to be at home.

Still on the fence about the doula. Our midwife certainly isn't the type to just show up for the emerging baby; she will offer lots of support and also currently practices as a doula. Last time the mw's were there for days on end. I don't really want to meet someone new at this point, but it could work out great, as pp said, we might just hit it off? Last time, my first birth, I think my mom actually thought when I asked her to be there that it would mean sitting in my rocking chair and knitting and making tea for everyone! She got straightened out pretty fast on those counts! She was hauling and boiling water and fetching supplies and helped with all kinds of stuff. The labor ended up being really long and everyone there worked really hard and we needed all of them. I was so glad to have each member of that birth team; mom, dh, 2 midwives, a doula; each was necessary.
Now, I know that the last labor could be a sign that I just have long labors, or this being the 2nd baby could mean a much easier, faster labor. Reflecting back, I'm quite sure I just feel like it will be more peaceful this time with a less-full house; maybe that will even help me relax and the labor will go quicker because of it.