gifted but very weak social skills?

[meowee]

This is typical of asperger's but I am wondering if there are gifted kids here, not diagnosed with asperger's, who have very weak social skills (for whatever reason)? Or who just don't like interacting with other children?

Or even if your DC has Asperger's or traits, I would like to hear from you.

DS gets along well with me, and one of his sisters, and my mother. Everyone else... let's just say it can be treacherous. Things usually turn bad very fast. Typically he just refuses to leave the house.

[USAmma]

That was my dd a couple of years ago. She was amazing with her skills but I was so worried about her social/emotional behavior that I took her to a child psychologist. At the time she was 3.5 and not PT yet, tuned out, sang to herself (preferred that to people), used movie lines instead of talking with her own words, raging tantrums, never slept. It was really hard. The psych said that she had traits of mild autism, that she was very gifted, that she had traits of ADD. But she didn't have autism or ADD, she just had those traits sometimes. She chose to go into her own world sometimes but then came out of it.

She got better. We figured out she had seasonal allergies and I gave her Claritin. It was a dramatic improvement. She was dx with sensory issues but has since improved with those. The allergy meds increased her appetite and she was able to eat better, be better nourished, get over her constitpation.

We do feel that SID runs in the family. Her baby sister was dx with it and is trying to wean off a feeding tube because of eating aversions. She went through OT earlier on and benefitted from that and the nutrition. She's now 5.5 and very social, has slowed down with the early skills but it still ahead. I would not consider her extremely gifted anymore, just bright and creative. She still doesn't sleep well but she's learned to be quiet so the rest of us can sleep. She still has sensory issues but they are way better now. You would normally notice them except the occasional toe walking or licking things innapropriately.

So that's her story. Her sister is getting better, too. Because of good nutrition through the tube, treatment for allergies, early OT, she's actually more social than her sister and I worry less about her long-term ability to cope with stress and fit into society.

[Serenity]

our 4 yo ds who has not been formally diagnosed, we suspect has Asperger's and/or gifted has poor social skills. He is actually very chatty, affectionate, and interested in family. He will now talk to adults but avoids children. He's in preschool but from what i can tell he tolerates his peers even follows them around but does not have recipricocal interactions with them. He has told me since he could speak that he does not like children.

i'm trying to find a social skills group for him but haven't found one yet. he has no real desire to interact with peers, he seems to be happy to observe and then do his own thing. i should say that he does have imaginary friends (a lot of them) and has an elaborate fantasy world that he acts out at home. but he doesn't do that in public and even before he did that he really didn't like other kids. now that he has a baby brother he is interested in him and i'm using his brother as a means to teach him how to interact, play, take turns, etc. but i really do worry about him in school as the social world becomes more sophisticated, i'm not confident he will be able to keep up. i worry he will be a loner and a target.

[eilonwy]

When you say "weak social skills," what do you mean? Are you asking about impulse control issues, interactions with peers, interactions with adults...? "Social skills" covers a very, very broad area, and weakness in such an area can be subjective. I might be said to have weak social skills today because I have a very low tolerance for some things which people commonly do, but I manage to ask directions and not get beat up, so how weak could they be?

[oldcrunchymom]

meowee, how old is your son? Mine is 10 and he does have social, um, challenges. A lot of it (but not all) mirrors Aspergers characteristics. It's been like this since he was born, pretty much. PM me if you want to talk.

[Kaitnbugsmom]

kait has been dx'd by the school's pt and ot as an aspie, but not by the medical community... social issues are what holds her back the most. She has no 'social sense' or ability to handle tactile stimulation and navigate the world around her at the same time. usually one or the other of these problems causes her a great deal of grief, if not both..

[boongirl]

My experience teaching gifted kids for 10 years, and this is purely anecdotal, is that the higher the intelligence score, the lower the social skills. This can manifest itself in a child being withdrawn and quiet or in a child being loud and proud. BUt, there seems to be a marked and pronounced movement away from the mainstream crowd in elementary school with the more intelligent kids.

And, I guess I should clarify, that by social skills I mean the ability to socialize with the crowd, go with the flow. Manners, ettiquette, social mores, etc are all constructs that vary by culture and generation. The most gifted kids I've worked with seem to either withdraw from it all or make up their own rules, both groups seeing the total arbitrariness of social rules.

Again, this is just based on my experience. Personally, it used to drive me nuts as a kid when I was told I should respect my elders. Why, I would ask, should I automatically respect someone before they prove they deserve it? Why should I follow rules I do not agree with? I used to yell at my mom, beginning at age 8, when I was in trouble with her: "I am a product of my environment, therefore it is your fault I am doing something wrong!" That is a common theme amongst gifted kids, righteous indignation at being asked to follow rules they deem below them or inapplicable to them. And, this holds for social rules, too.


And, trust me when I say that the best gifted teachers and the best parents of gifted kids have a good sense of humor about all of this! It helps to not take it personally.

[Terabith]

I dunno. I think a lot of the problems with gifted kids and social skills has less to do with social skills per se and more with the problems inherent in not having a peer group. If you don't have any true peers (other kids who share your general age and developmental issues but also are intellectually your equals), it's tough to really socialize on a more than superficial, asking for directions way. Now, things like impulse control, manners, etc can be taught and those might be areas that a gifted kid might have difficulty with (and of course, a gifted kid could have genuine problems with social skills), but a lot of what I think is termed social skills difficulties with gifted kids is a construct of being something of an anamoly and forced into isolation by their precociousness.

[Terabith]

Personally, it used to drive me nuts as a kid when I was told I should respect my elders. Why, I would ask, should I automatically respect someone before they prove they deserve it? Why should I follow rules I do not agree with? I used to yell at my mom, beginning at age 8, when I was in trouble with her: "I am a product of my environment, therefore it is your fault I am doing something wrong!"

I remember saying that exact same thing! It drove me nuts that we were expected to automatically respect someone who had not earned it, who in fact might be showing that they knew way less than we did about a topic. Or might just be a control freak authoritarian adult. Chronology as making one worthy of respect drove me nuts. Still does, although I've learned to fake it pretty well. And courtesy to everyone does a good job of smoothing the way, so I guess I'm glad my mom beat those things into me. But not of her fawning and continuing to this day belief in obedience to elders, just because they're elders.

[Terabith]

Hmmm quote feature not really working.

[catgirl]

Originally Posted by Serenity

our 4 yo ds who has not been formally diagnosed, we suspect has Asperger's and/or gifted has poor social skills. He is actually very chatty, affectionate, and interested in family. He will now talk to adults but avoids children. He's in preschool but from what i can tell he tolerates his peers even follows them around but does not have recipricocal interactions with them. He has told me since he could speak that he does not like children.

.

See, I don't necessarily see that as poor social skills per se. He doesn't like children, so he doesn't bother - but that's a bit different from issues like the Aspergery thing of not reading the social cues, or not "getting" facial expressions or whatever.

A lot of really bright kids prefer adult company. When they're put in school, in an environment where that's not understood, people start muttering about "social immaturity" or "lack of social skills". I can think of several kids in our HSing environment, including mine, who are that way, but I'm not sure I'd say they have poor social skills - they just have social skills which they use in an unconventional way.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by catgirl

A lot of really bright kids prefer adult company. When they're put in school, in an environment where that's not understood, people start muttering about "social immaturity" or "lack of social skills". I can think of several kids in our HSing environment, including mine, who are that way, but I'm not sure I'd say they have poor social skills - they just have social skills which they use in an unconventional way.

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