Not 'forcing' veg*n on your kids.... - Page 2

[defectgrrrl]

I still don't get it. I guess if you aren't veg*n for AR reasons but health maybe?
But I'd echo the same sentiment already spoken by avendesora...Would you let your child kick the dog if they really wanted? I mean come on ladies, isn't it our responsibility as mothers to teach our children morals? To guide them to do what is right?

[sadkitty]

No "choice" to eat meat around here. in fact, I get sh*t from DD for eating the eggs from our pet chickens . I never let where meat comes from be a secret to DD or any child i have around. They know where their veggies come from when they dig in the garden, they see our real living chickens. Consuming a McNugget would it would be like eating a puppy around here.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by pamered_mom

I have issues with why this is even an issue! I would agree with a few pps - no one talks about the other side of the coin! Is it right to "force" meat eating on your kids?

Yep, I feel like eating meat was forced on me as a child. I actually tried to stop eating meat many times as a kid and would be stuck at the table for hours till I ate what I was served. As a young teenager I finally found my voice to say "NO!" I will not eat that.

Because of my experiances it is very important to me to raise my son as a vegetarian until he is old enough to understand the issue and decide for him self, and to trust his decision as right for him.

I would really preffer to never buy meat or prepair it for him, but I remember when my mother finally understood that I was serious about the no meat thing, she took me to the local co-op and helped me pick out veggie food and then helped me learn to cook it. That shopping trip stands out in my mind as one of the most repectful thing my mother ever did for me, and remembering how it felt I won't be able to refuse to help him out if he asks me. However, at age 6 he's already an evangelical veg, so I don't think it's ever going to be an issue.

[arlecchina]

I am vegetarian, my partner is not. as I am preg, I cant be sure yet where this will go. my 12yo son doesnt eat meat - (or eggs, etc, we're rather strict) and I dont cook meat - and I wont. so if anyone eats what I cook they're vegetarian too. I suppose some point my partner will give our child a cheeseburger and while I prefer not, at the end of the day that is their decision, not mine to make.

then again my partner trusts all my judgements, so the situation may never arise at all. esp. by then

[eco_mama]

[QUOTE=defectgrrrlisn't it our responsibility as mothers to teach our children morals? To guide them to do what is right?[/QUOTE]

exactly.

[mcmrymoon]

we are veggie in our family and are raising our boys vegetarian (we eat eggs and dairy.) i come from a very meat-eating family. i enjoyed eating meat as a child/young adult/adult until i stopped for ethical reasons. we see my parents alot (i work for them 2x a week) and we eat there those days...and they serve meat. i was as adamant about not letting my boys eat meat as are many of the mamas here...until ds started first grade in a public school.

i am very open with my boys. they know about meat, what they do to animals to get that meat, the impact that cattle has on the environment etc. they know that i personally will not cook meat in our house.

it was very easy for me to keep ds from eating meat when he was with me. once school started he wanted to buy lunch on pancake day because he loves pancakes. i let him. pancakes come with "sausage" (or as close to "meat" it actually is LOL) i just assumed he wouldn't try the sausage. turns out - he thought the sausage was veggies sausage..so he ate it. when he realized it wasn't....he had also discovered he liked it...so he started "forgetting" to mention that he had eaten the sausage...just to avoid upsetting me. we would walk through the store and i noticed that where he once would say "ewwwwww - what is that smell?" he would now say "you know mom - the smell of meat doesnt bother me anymore"...so i knew something was up. once i found all this out - i felt horrible. i agonized for days over what i was to do here....what right did i have to enforce my beliefs on him...regardless of whether or not you feel it is a "moral" issue. i want to raise a child who can make the best decision for himself. i want to raise a child that has compassion and empathy because HE feels that way...not because i tell him to feel that way.

so - i sat him down and explained again the reasons why dh and i are vegetarians (i did make it more graphic than need be though lol) i explained that i will not cook meat in the house. (however, when i have HUGE parties - i will let my mom cook meat and bring it over) i explained that dh and i did eat meat at one point and why we changed. then i told him that he can make his own choice and that he never has to be afraid to tell us that he has eaten meat. has he become a meat-eater? nope. in fact - it really was the sausage at school he wanted...he never asked me to try a burger or hot dog or anything like that at picnics etc.

i firmly believe that being vegetarian is a choice a person has to make for him/herself. i would never think of imposing my beliefs on an adult...so why my child? i have many meat-eating friends, i enjoy going out with them and partying with them and you can guarantee at times i am reduced to eating a cheese sandwich...but that is okay. i feel that just by being veggie i have made many of my family and friends more aware of environmental and health impact of eating meat....and that is more than they would have gotten otherwise. just as raising your child a certain religion is fine...there may come a time when that child will choose another religion because...well, for whatever reason they have. heck - i was raised roman catholic and i not now...i am lutheran and heavily involved in our church..something i never was as a rc.

my point is this - it is very easy to feel sooo strongly about something when your children are little and have no control over what they eat, where they go etc. things really change when they get older and find themselves in situations where you are not around...and they need to make a decision for themselves. at 7 - that is where my child is...he is developing his moral character. i continue to guide him...i will not force him...and i just hope that eventually all i do will have an positive impact on him.

i just want to caution you against making your child feel guilty for not being like you and sharing your beliefs. i saw first hand how easily they can slip into feeling the need to lie to please you. it may never be an issue - but if i does it wouldn't hurt to have a game plan ready now to deal with it.

[annethcz]

Originally Posted by defectgrrrl

I still don't get it. I guess if you aren't veg*n for AR reasons but health maybe?
But I'd echo the same sentiment already spoken by avendesora...Would you let your child kick the dog if they really wanted? I mean come on ladies, isn't it our responsibility as mothers to teach our children morals? To guide them to do what is right?

I am a vegetarian for environmental and health reasons. However, I don't feel that it is immoral to eat meat. I do talk to my children about my food choices, and they certainly know why I choose not to eat meat. We also talk about the more environmentally-friendly meat choices one can make (sustainable, free range, organic farming methods).

I know that many people are veg*n for animal rights reasons. But because I don't view an omni diet as immoral, I don't feel that I'm under any obligation to force my children or husband to eat a vegetarian diet.

[counterGOPI]

good thread im not pushing meat eating on my babe. shes being raised vegan but when shes old enough to make her own decisons(by this i mean teenager) and she decideds she wants meat so be it..just not in my house!

[mountainsun]

Wow, mcmry - I think you handled the situation w/ your son well - although I understand what you are saying, personally I think 1st grade is still a little young for a kid to "decide for themselves."

This is one reason I do not want to send my kid to public school though - because there will be minimal support for vegetarianism. I dunno - even if we weren't veggie, I still wouldnt want my kid eating mystery meat.....

[counterGOPI]

i nannied a boy whos shcool wouldnt llsiten to him mom and not feed him meat or dairy. she pulled him out and homeschooled him.

[defectgrrrl]

I am completely dismayed to see veg*n moms claim they don't want their child to feel guilty for the choices they make. I'm sorry but as a mom it is my duty to instill a sense of right and wrong in my children. IF YOU DO SOMETHING MORALLY WRONG YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY. That's your conscious telling you "Hey I shouldn't do that." And yes going back to the dog analogy. If your kid kicks the dog at 7 years old is he old enough to make that decision? Should you not try and make him feel 'guilty' for it?

What are we doing if not trying to raise our children to become kind, considerate and caring adults? If that is your goal I doubt making sure they feel no guilt is a good way to achieve it.

[appifanie]

i'm with those who talk about being forced into eating meat - i never liked meat, my parents ate meat, so they fed me meat, and therefore i was forced into eating meat.

i agree w/ cumulus - until a certain age, kids can't possibly understand where animal products really come from, and unless they decide at an older age (like teenagers) that they don't care about the suffering or the health aspects or the enviro aspects . . . no animals or animal products!

why should my child live a lifestyle that is my beliefs, compromised? how is that anyway to grow up?

[holyhelianthus]

great thread. of course now i have to kill it by adding my $.02! lol

i do believe that you can 'force' anything on childre, wether that be eating meat, being vegan, your religion, what color you should or should not wear, blah blah blah. last night DH came home and told me that his boss literally believed he HAS to eat red meat once a day to stay healthy. apparently his father taught him this. if his mother would make poultry or fish more then once in a row his father would sit her down in front of the kid's and inform her all their health was at stake (no pun intended). to me that's a degree of forcing.
i'm with the mentality that veganism, like religion, is to be taught and lived in the home even enforced but never forced. if you lean your kid's head back and shove a handfull of 'ethics' down their throat they're going to rebell. not always, but more often then not. my girls will be raise knowing three main things in our home. if they choose to follow them i will feel i did my 'job' as mom. if not, then i will feel i have failed but they will still be my children. i will never find an excuse not to be their mother! i really believe that if i force fed any one of these things it would back fire and be taking away their free will. just as if i were to be a steak and pork mom and not let my child explore veggies at all.
so do i think being vegan always means without exception that you're forcing your beliefes? not anymore then getting dressed them every morning is forcing your belifes on your children. but i do believe a fanatical form of veganism where your children know that they won't be your children anymore if they so much as look at a cow and want a taste is forcing.

[GooeyRN]

Originally Posted by magstphil

i do believe that you can 'force' anything on childre, wether that be eating meat, being vegan, your religion, what color you should or should not wear, blah blah blah.

i'm with the mentality that veganism, like religion, is to be taught and lived in the home even enforced but never forced. if you lean your kid's head back and shove a handfull of 'ethics' down their throat they're going to rebell. not always, but more often then not. my girls will be raise knowing three main things in our home. if they choose to follow them i will feel i did my 'job' as mom. if not, then i will feel i have failed but they will still be my children. i will never find an excuse not to be their mother! i really believe that if i force fed any one of these things it would back fire and be taking away their free will. just as if i were to be a steak and pork mom and not let my child explore veggies at all.
so do i think being vegan always means without exception that you're forcing your beliefes? not anymore then getting dressed them every morning is forcing your belifes on your children. but i do believe a fanatical form of veganism where your children know that they won't be your children anymore if they so much as look at a cow and want a taste is forcing.

That is also how I feel. I will love my kids whatever they decide. I hope they value their Religion (no sex until marriage), Education (atleast 4 year degree), staying drug free, not getting arrested, and not eating meat. But, I will not have much say in these things once they are older/teenage. Teens can be pretty sneaky and not get caught. (I do not have any teenage children, but I did work in a psych hospital on a child and adolescent units.) I don't want them to have to hide things from me, for fear of getting in to trouble.

Sure, I can drag them to church every Sunday and holiday no matter how sick they are, and force them to say grace before meat free meals. But then what will happen when they stay over a friends house, and get a taste of "freedom"? Or should I keep them locked in their bedroom until they move out?

My belief is that you have to pick your battles once they get older. If I have to budge on one of these things to maintain a close relationship, it will be the meat free living. : I am hoping dd will be like me and not like the taste of meat, so it won't be a battle at all. (But I doubt I will be so lucky!)

[ladywolf]

Very interesting thread.

Our household is omni but mainly vegetarian due to food allergies.

I have recently spent a week with a dad and son. Dad is vegan. Son is 5. Son is vegetarian. He is not vegan, per se, because he asked if he could eat the cheese (cow) at the table and Dad said yes. There was also meat on the table and Son turned his nose up at it. This was the Son's choice with Dad's support.

When we discussed eating meat, the only situation it would be alright was if the animal was raised and butchered by the family. This way the children would now what it takes to put a piece of meat on the table.

This felt like a very honorable way to handle the situation when it came to children and eating. The Son was always very in control of what he was eating but Dad gave guidelines, appropriate guidelines for a 5 year old.

[mcmrymoon]

Originally Posted by defectgrrrl

I am completely dismayed to see veg*n moms claim they don't want their child to feel guilty for the choices they make.

that is a blanket statement that does not pertain to what i said (if in fact you were referring to my post)

i absolutely want my child to feel guilty for the choices they make...if in fact THEY made those choices. if my child chooses to kick the dog - and the dog gets hurt (or even he doesn't get hurt for the matter...it wasn't a nice thing to do) then yes, he should feel guilty for hurting him. but - my son did NOT choose to be raised vegetarian...he had absolutely NO SAY in what he ate as an infant and young child. he has NO SAY in whether he can eat meat in this household....because i will NOT make it. and yes - at 7 he may be too young to understand enough about the meat process to make an informed decision, but - i do not homeschool and he is not always with me. i have to trust that the years i've had making his decisions for him will impact him in the way i am (like be the little voice in his head) but i cannot MAKE him NOT eat meat when he is not around me. i know for a fact that he will tell people he is a vegetarian and not eat meat at people's houses. but - what happened at school was that he accidentially assumed that the meat was veggie meat...ate it...and once he realized it wasn't he felt guilty about it and chose to hide it from me.

that being said - as he enters junior high and high school (down the long road) he may start to wonder just what the hell a real burger tastes like...and if he wants to try it - then i by no means have the right to tell him no...and i won't. i will again discuss what he did and how he felt and if he understands what he did etc...probably even hand him a book to read at that age.....but i will never love him less if he chooses to eat meat.

will you love your child less if he/she is another religion? gets pregnant as a teen? or any other situation you feel is morally wrong? vegetarianism is the same thing...imho

[mcmrymoon]

Originally Posted by magstphil

my girls will be raise knowing three main things in our home. if they choose to follow them i will feel i did my 'job' as mom. if not, then i will feel i have failed but they will still be my children.

ot - but you shouldn't feel like YOU failed if your girls choose to NOT follow your beliefs. in fact - if you are open with your girls...being honest with them...giving them the pros and cons of situations (if in fact there are pros AND cons)...stating clearly and quite frankly your reasons for holding your beliefs.......and your girls then choose something else after weighing the options for themselves..then in fact you have raised strong, independent thinkers.....and that should be applauded.

of course - you never stated what the 3 main things in your family are...so i am just assuming they don't state the obvious...like we do not steal

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by mcmrymoon

ot - but you shouldn't feel like YOU failed if your girls choose to NOT follow your beliefs. in fact - if you are open with your girls...being honest with them...giving them the pros and cons of situations (if in fact there are pros AND cons)...stating clearly and quite frankly your reasons for holding your beliefs.......and your girls then choose something else after weighing the options for themselves..then in fact you have raised strong, independent thinkers.....and that should be applauded.

:

[defectgrrrl]

I never said I would love my child any less if they chose to eat meat. I will always love my children, ALWAYS. To assume any mother would love her child less for any reason will always be false. And yes when they are teenagers I will have less control. But...I will not condone my children contributing to the torture and slaughter of innocent sentient beings. Nor would I condone them using drugs. I guess I just feel a little different. Veg*nism, too me, is different from religion. Where as all religions are a way to worship the divine, eating meat is not a way to keep from killing innocent beings. As I have stated before it is my goal to raise my children to become kind considerate caring adults and i will do everything in my power to make that happen. Too me that means not flip flopping on big issues like the importance of (yes I've said this phrase over and over) not torturing and slaughtering innocent animals. If I have one goal above all else it is to not raise apathetic children. That being said, even if they turn out to be serial murderers I will love them with all of my heart and soul.

[guestmama9924]

I don't get that sentiment either ( to the OP). I feed my kids vegetarian just as I make them live in the same house, and wear the clothing that I approve of, and make them have a certain world view.
People get way to strange/defensive about veg'n living. It is what it is.