If you can't or don't keep a tidy home...

[hipumpkins]

My 2 bedroom apartment is cluttered. It is not dirty. Sometimes pots sit overnight but by the end of breakfast the next day all is cleaned. The toys however are everywhere and even when they ae put away neatly it is just a small place and so it isn't ever totally neat. My DH is a pack pat...He must have over 50 Tshirts and his closet is literaly spilling out onto the floor b/c he has sooo many clothes. He wears a unifrom to work but he wont part with any of it try as might to get him to do so.
Anyway...I really do my best all day long to keep the clutter at bay and use some of FLY ladys techniques but some I can't do with a clingy 13 mos old. anway I am feeling a bit sorry for myself b/c I feel judged so negatively in this area. I am a good mom who plays with her kids. I read to my DD so much sometimes I think my eyes will fall out. It breaks my heart that others just see me as someone who can't keep house. the worst was this weekend when I saw my sisiter spaying Fantastick with bleach on a pot we had used for dinner. (she was visitng for a week from FLA) I said, you can't use that on pots" She rolled her eyes and said, "Oh you're going to give ME housecleaning tips" AS though I were so stupid I couldn't possibley know anything. this hurt the most b/c my sister and i are very close and she used this as weapon and it hurt me so much.
Does anyone else ever feel judged b/c your home is less than immacualte? :

[Herausgeber]

Your sister is mean. Tell her I said so. And as a super-tidy person, you can also tell her I said you should not use that kind of cleaner on pots.

Really, I don't think you're doing all that bad anyway. Clutter and true nastiness are different, and the latter doesn't sound like it's a problem for you. (You're washing the dishes the next day, after all, not leaving them for 2 weeks on the counter.) I can't abide by clutter in MY house, but I can't say I ever judge other people's piles and whatnot when I visit them. I know it's hard to keep stuff in order, especially when you have little ones to deal with as well as a DP who isn't on board. I'm lucky. My DP doesn't even notice when his ratty old clothes "disappear" into the trash.

[Mama Poot]

Clutter is a part of life when you have little ones. I'd tell your sister to get a life and stop obsessing so much, especially about other people's pots and pans. I have a soon to be one year old and a newborn. Yeah there's toys on the floor, the sink and bathtub sometimes harbor their own sub species, and I can't find the time to have the basement drains snaked even though I know they need it because it smells like s*** when it rains hard. My grandfather's wife keeps a perfect house, and I jokingly asked her one day how she managed to keep everything so perfect. Cheerfully she replied "Well that's just how I keep house!" And I FREAKED! She has like, a phone, a microwave, and some nice flour pots on her counters and she called that cluttered. I thought of my kitchen, where I keep everything within easy reach because I cook a lot and like to have access to everything. I thought "Oh god she must think my kitchen is terrible and that I'm a lousy housekeeper!" But I got over it and remembered that she is retired and has 24hours a day to clean her kitchen, and also reminded myself that she probably doesn't care about my house and understands that you can't keep it perfectly clean when you have babies. So don't be so hard on yourself. If you're doing the best you can and putting forth an honest effort to keep the housework under control, then you have no reason to feel bad.

[RedWine]

Sounds like you are doing just fine. IMHO, your priorities should be (and are) your kid(s). The house can be tidied whenever you get around to it. If it works for you, that's all that matters.

Things here are dusted and vacuumed on a regular basis, and the dishes are always done immediately. However, there are loosely organized piles of toys here and there. That's just the way it is, and that's way it will probably stay until my youngest is at least 5. That's life with kids, y'know? You don't want your children growing up afraid to make a mess in their own home, anyway.

[mommy2abigail]

Cluttered-yes, dirty-no. I am working really hard this week on simplifying my life. I am getting rid of everything I/dh have not used in 6 months. I can't stand clutter, it makes me crazy. Dh is a packrat too, I have to just give him his own space to clutter (i.e. a drawer in the desk) that I dont have to look at. And it does eventually get cleaned, when he can't close it anymore! With regard to toys, I rotate, so there are very few toys out at one time. And I run a home daycare, so it's more than one kid, but having less toys not only saves my sanity, but gets them playing more creatively. My sewing area is a mess right now, I am going through all my scrap cloth and parting with the stuff I wont be using for dipes anytime soon. I too feel judged, especially by my MIL. She will come over, glance around and ask if she can 'help' me get my things done. She also talks about another cousin that stays home with her two children (both under 2 yrs) and how terrible she feels for her husband who has to change diapers when he gets home from work! As if SHE wasn't woking all day! So I can only imagine what she says about me and my house! She doesn't acknowledge that just taking care of my own child is a full time job, but I also have another 16 month old and a 3 months old to take care of. Plus I do ALL the housework. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, ect. Dh *shouldn't* have to b/c HE works FT, that's what MIL thinks. Can you tell we dont get along?: I just ignore her. SHe drives me crazy anyway.

[Al Dente]

I HATE.ABHOR.DESPISE.housework. My house is never what you'd call clean. At any given time, there are piles of clean laundry on beds or couches, waiting to be folded. I give the sweeping/dishes/toilets a "lick and a promise" as my mom calls it. Honestly, the only time I ever deep clean is if my mom's coming to visit. I'm the family slob. Yes, it bothers me...but not enough to change it. I'd far rather be doing art projects with my son, scrapbooking, gardening, etc because to me, housework is the most boring thing on earth.

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

Does anyone else ever feel judged b/c your home is less than immacualte? :

This is a constant irritation with my Mom. She likes things perfect. And me, with seven children running around the house that I homeschool all day long, never have an imacuate house. She just can not understand.

Life with many children does not easily lend to a spotless house. There is always clutter, toys on the floor, and stuff where it does not belong.

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

Does anyone else ever feel judged b/c your home is less than immacualte? :

Oh yeah, sigh.

I'm sorry that people are being so awful to you. You are doing a great job.

[bright]

Me! I'm horrible at cleaning. Lately I have taken to decluttering, which is easier in a way because I know it's final, like the huge mess isn't going to creep back up by tomorrow, coz it's gone! My place is still messy, tho not as messy.

[philomom]

Generally, I do like things tidy because it means I can find stuff when I need it. I'm not fixated on it, though. If having a busy week or if the kids need me, I figure as long as I keep bugs away, I'm doing a great job.

Be kind to yourself.

[ErinBird]

Yeah, I have trouble keeping everything "nice." I've learned a few tricks that help. First, I allow a sapce for some clutter- things don't have to stay perfectly arranged on shelves, but I do try to contain the clutter and keep it as organized choas (i.e. bought a basket for near the front door- all the mail, things we have in our pockets, etc get dumped in there- still cluttered but at least its only one basket, not the entire entryway...). Second was to downsize. We went through all our clothing and got rid of a ton of stuff that we weren't using, for example (no reason for DH to have 47 pairs of underpants "just in case"...). I also stopped buying things that wouldn't be well used. A NEtflix subscription replaced buying DVDs- we don't have the space to store a ton of movies we really only watch once or twice, and if we LOVE something we get on Netflix... we can buy it.

[ebethmom]

Let me tell you about judged! We live in a parsonage, and there is a group of busybodies who stay upset about our housekeeping. Church members - basically strangers - feel free to lecture me about keeping a tidy house. How do they know how neat my home is? A church member used his key to enter our home *twice* without our permission.

My family is coming on Sunday for ds's 5th birthday, so we'll spend tomorrow cleaning. This parsonage is smaller than our last two homes, so we are just bursting at the seams with stuff. We keep trying to weed out, but it is down pretty low on our priority list.

This is such a sore spot for us right now. It is petty cr*p like this that brings everyone down. I would just like to ask them "Why do you CARE about our house being cluttered? Why does it matter to you that we still have unpacked boxes a year after moving?"

[Kidzaplenty]

Being a ministers family is not easy. With the entire church watching you, waiting for you to make a mistake. It must be nuts. At least I only have my mom waiting for me to fail.

Oh, and we still have an entire room of totes and boxes that we have not unpacked since we moved in, and in a week, our 1 year lease is up!

[arlecchina]

Originally Posted by ebethmom

Let me tell you about judged! We live in a parsonage, and there is a group of busybodies who stay upset about our housekeeping. Church members - basically strangers - feel free to lecture me about keeping a tidy house. How do they know how neat my home is? A church member used his key to enter our home *twice* without our permission.

whoa, you're way nicer than me. I wont even tell you what I'd do.


on topic: we're never dirty. I dont like clutter but good god, it happens. when you ahve kids there are far more important things to be doing that running after your kids screaming at then to not make "messes".

[treemom2]

Originally Posted by RacheePoo

I HATE.ABHOR.DESPISE.housework. My house is never what you'd call clean. At any given time, there are piles of clean laundry on beds or couches, waiting to be folded. I give the sweeping/dishes/toilets a "lick and a promise" as my mom calls it. Honestly, the only time I ever deep clean is if my mom's coming to visit. I'm the family slob. Yes, it bothers me...but not enough to change it. I'd far rather be doing art projects with my son, scrapbooking, gardening, etc because to me, housework is the most boring thing on earth.

This is us!! When people come over unannounced I am so embarrassed, but I do always say, "Well, I could have cleaned today or gone to the beach--we chose the beach!" Honestly, we only clean when someone is coming over or it gets too messy that we can't stand it another moment so we have to clean. Last school year we made enough money to have housekeepers come and clean once a week, we probably will do the same again this year when DH starts getting paid again.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Originally Posted by RacheePoo

I HATE.ABHOR.DESPISE.housework. My house is never what you'd call clean. At any given time, there are piles of clean laundry on beds or couches, waiting to be folded. I give the sweeping/dishes/toilets a "lick and a promise" as my mom calls it. Honestly, the only time I ever deep clean is if my mom's coming to visit. I'm the family slob. Yes, it bothers me...but not enough to change it. I'd far rather be doing art projects with my son, scrapbooking, gardening, etc because to me, housework is the most boring thing on earth.

:
I could have wrote your post. My main problem is getting motivated to do things because I know just as soon as I do it. Someone will come along and undo it. I have days were I sit and cry and stay depressed over it. My mom and dad have made it clear they are disapointed in me with how I do or more accuratly dont do in the house. My dad has went so far as to offer to come and help me clean that hurts so bad. Maybe some day I will be able to do things like I want but I dont see it happining any time soon.

I feel like I missed out of the cleaning gene.

[Linda in OZ]

Our place is cluttered, it drives me nuts sometimes, I try to weed through the mess each week, but it seems as soon as I get rid of something there is always something else to take it's place. I have an 18 month old that gets into everything, it took her 3 weeks to figure out how the child proof latches on the fridge and cupboards worked. I like to have the kitchen clean before I go to bed so I don't have to look at it in the morning, NOT a morning person at all. and I get the older kids to do a quick pick up of cushions, toys, dirty clothes etc after dinner. Other than that it gets cleaned when I get around to it. I have had people comment on the mess and I usually tell them if it bothers them that much they are more than welcome to clean it up, but don't complain because I have got better things to do. I am seriously considering a cleaner for floors and bathrooms, they get too icky.

[treemom2]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMoMof2

:
I could have wrote your post. My main problem is getting motivated to do things because I know just as soon as I do it. Someone will come along and undo it.

I feel like I missed out of the cleaning gene.

Same here! Like today, DH and I tried to clean the house some and now we look at it and it is just as bad as before. Maybe since we have little ones we really aren't meant to have the cleanest of homes. I mean, if we had really clean houses it would mean 1. Our children watch way too much TV which is how we get the cleaning done, 2. We don't get any sleep because we are up all night cleaning up the messes from the day, 3. We aren't playing with our children or letting them play enough, and 4. We are way too stressed about having a clean home!

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by treemom2

Same here! Like today, DH and I tried to clean the house some and now we look at it and it is just as bad as before. Maybe since we have little ones we really aren't meant to have the cleanest of homes. I mean, if we had really clean houses it would mean 1. Our children watch way too much TV which is how we get the cleaning done, 2. We don't get any sleep because we are up all night cleaning up the messes from the day, 3. We aren't playing with our children or letting them play enough, and 4. We are way too stressed about having a clean home!

[MamaBug]

Moving this to De cluttering