This thread is dedicated to Moms who are EB older children

[mother_sunshine]

Hello everyone, I thought it might be a good idea to start a thread for those who are practicing child-led and/or child-respectful weaning beyond toddlerhood. Let's keep this a safe haven where we can share ideas, concerns, questions and support for each other and continue this wonderful cyber-sisterhood that we have started on other threads in this forum (newcomers are welcome too!). Everyone is welcome here (to share and learn) but I ask that it remain respectful. Please refrain from any type of harrassment, negativity, debate or criticism towards breastfeeding an older child. We want all Mamas to feel safe here.

Let's start the thread by asking all EN Moms to write a short post just telling us that you are here and how old your EB child is. Strength in numbers, right? If you want to tell us more, or start a discussion, please do!

I hope this thread stays alive! The more the merrier!

Mother_Sunshine
(nursing dd 6yrs 1/16/97)

[ekblad9]

Well, I don't know if I exactly fall into this category but I would like to! My dd2 is 2 1/2 years old. She nurses pretty much whenever she wants too. I have to limit her sometimes because of the new baby. I definately plan to do child led weaning. Some days are harder than others. I have support from a couple of good friends. She is the first of my children to nurse this long. I wish I had done it everytime.

Thanks for starting this thread!

[Meiri]

Our son self-weaned at 5 yrs 1 month of age. I didn't start out intending this. I started out only focussed on that we Would nurse, and I'd do what I needed to succeed. Fortunately he took to it like a duckling to water, despite undermining stupid advice and a couple of small bottles of sugar water.

During his first year, I still hadn't pondered length of nursing, a friend sent me a copy of Mothering Magazine. I subscribed and learned about WHO's recommendation of two years minimum, and then about childlead weaning. Seeing no reason to push him to wean I decided we'd do childlead. We had a supportive enough ped until he turned 4, then fired the jerk we saw for his 4 yr check-up and left that practice--as the supportive ped already had...

DD, 4 in a month, is still nursing, still shares our room though that is being discussed. Main obstacle is what shall we do with all the stuff in the current computer room--which will be her room.

[tnrsmom]

Thanks for starting this thread.

My dd is 39 mos and nurses a few times a day. Sometimes once, sometimes 3 or 4 times. I am also nursing my dd #2 but I don't look at her as EN as she is only 14mos. I am pregnant with my 5th child and this is my 3rd time nursing through pg as well as my 2nd time tandem nursing through pg. I plan on letting my children wean when they are ready. My ds #2 weaned just before our last baby was born. It worked out great for me as I did not really want to nurse three but I would not force him to wean before he was ready. He did nurse a few times after the baby was born but just because he wanted to know he still could. I never denied him. I am not sure if Rachel will do the same thing (I doubt it) but as we have set limits on her nursing frequency, I am OK with the idea that she may continue to nurse after the baby is born.

[Beth-TX]

Stephanie

I just wanted to say that you're hard core! I'm nursing my 2yo and I'm 8 wks pg and just in misery! I can't imagine nursing 2 kiddos! Good on ya!

To all the ladies here, great job! Keep on truckin'!

peace, Beth

[Mallory]

Well my oldest nurser is 3 1/2. He still nurses all the time, I haven't counted lately, but I would be surprised if he ever goes 4 hours day or night, I would bet at least 10 times a day and 2 or 3 most nights. Breastmilk is still a large part of his daily calories, when he is hungry he usually asks to nurse not for food.

I am sure we have at least a year left probably two.

[Mommiska]

My oldest nurser is also 3.5 years old, although she nurses only at night time now (and when she is upset...).

I'm also pregnant - it's my first time tandem-nursing through a pregnancy...we'll see how it goes. I'm not thrilled about nursing 3, but since dd1 doens't nurse very often, I'm sure I can handle it if that's what ends up happening.

[tnrsmom]

Originally posted by Beth-TX
Stephanie

I just wanted to say that you're hard core! I'm nursing my 2yo and I'm 8 wks pg and just in misery! I can't imagine nursing 2 kiddos! Good on ya!

Beth, I have very easy pregnancies. Also, it does tend to get easier after the first 12 weeks. You are in the tough time right now. That is when I had to get Rachel to stop nursing 20 times a day. Literally.

Also, the decision to tandem nurse is very personal. Not everyone wants to do that. Don't feel bad if you don't.

[tnrsmom]

Carolyn, I feel the Exact same way. If Rachel was still nursing constantly, I am sure I'd feel different about nursing 3.

[mother_sunshine]

Originally posted by Meiri
I didn't start out intending this. I started out only focussed on that we Would nurse, and I'd do what I needed to succeed. Fortunately he took to it like a duckling to water, despite undermining stupid advice and a couple of small bottles of sugar water.

During his first year, I still hadn't pondered length of nursing, a friend sent me a copy of Mothering Magazine. I subscribed and learned about WHO's recommendation of two years minimum, and then about childlead weaning. Seeing no reason to push him to wean I decided we'd do childlead.

Meiri, the same thing happened to us, a couple of bottles of "necessary" sugar water (without my consent, before I knew better ) gave us a difficult start in nursing w/poor latch, torn nipples, extreme stress and recurring mastitis. If it hadn't been for the help of a generous LC (has anybody heard of Bonnie Bartman? ) we wouldn't have made it past the first 2 weeks. I wish our ped. was as supportive, she discouraged bf past 1 year, but that was when I stopped looking at Western medicine as "the law", so she actually helped me in that respect.

Unfortunately I hadn't heard of Mothering Magazine until dd was probably 3yrs (when I first got internet access) or that would have made a tremendous impact on me as a new parent. I was one of those mainstreamed new mothers who subscribed to all the mainstreamed parenting magazines (the ones they give "for free" in the hospital & the ones that are in the sweepstakes lists) and sat all day every day reading them in the rocking chair as my dd nursed all day long. I was one big contradiction of what I was reading...what I read was the complete opposite of what felt right. Lucky for us, I followed my instincts but not without a lot of frustration and heartache those first few years. I kept thinking "what is wrong with us?", when it really was "what is wrong with them"!

We also didn't set out to nurse a certain amount of time, actually I thought that babies automatically stopped at one year as that was the impression that the magazines and "What to expect.." books gave me. So we took it one year at a time and each year it felt more right to continue something so wonderful rather than forcing her to stop simply because "they" said so.

[Evergreen]

nak

errr...those 'what to expect' books push so hard for weaning at 1year it makes me sick.

[Britishmum]

I'm nursing Dd#1 (30months) and an 8 month baby.

DD is down to 2x day now. I can't say I enjoy tandem nursing and have to grit my teeth to nurse my toddler now.

I'd love her to wean - not much chance though - although I'd be really sad. I have initiated the cut back. If I folowed my ideal of child led weaning she'd nurse more than the baby. :

It reached the stage where I didnt want to sit down near her as she'd pounce. ouch. I feel sad and guilty, but the dislike of nursing her is so so so strong......:

I admire those who tandem nurse more successfully.

[teachma]

I'm nursing my only son, who is 2.5 years old. When he was born, I knew I would nurse, but I did not really have an idea of how long. I guess I have followed my intuition on this one. It has never yet seemed the right time to wean and, now, having gone so long, I have pretty much decided that my son will determine when it's the "right" time. He only nurses 1-2 times per day at this point.

[rockymtnmama]

I'm nursing my 3 1/2 year old and 15 month old. My 3 1/2 year old probably nurses 3-4 times a day but no longer at night. They are both still in my bed and I am really thankful that we are still nursing because dh and I are going through a divorce right now and I think it has been so helpful to my older child that he can still nurse. It has given him comfort and security during a very insecure time. Sometimes I really wish he would hurry up and wean but I also know that he is not ready yet. Nursing is so important to him. It's nice to know there are others out there committed to child-led weaning. All of a sudden in the last month or so several friends and family members have started asking me why I don't just wean him. As though it were that easy! I think extended nursing is very hard for people who haven't "been there" to understand. I can't exactly explain how impossible it would be for me to forcefully wean this child. It would break his heart!

[tnrsmom]

Britishmum, I can relate to the feeling of not enjoying the older one. I too have not followed the child led weaning. While I am not asking her to stop altogether, I did have to set limits. I had gotten to the point where I was actually starting to resent her. It was very difficult at first and probably not even very gentle. I would get very upset and flat out refuse to nurse her. Luckily this did not last very long. Now that she only nurses in the morning and at bedtime, I am totally fine with it. There are days when she doesn't feel good when we can nurse a bit more but she also understands if she just asks because she is bored, she will have to wait until bedtime. I plan on letting her nurse as long as she wants but not as often as she wants.

Nursing is a couple relationship. When one part of the couple is no longer comfortable with the situation, it is time to make a change. Good luck to you.

[rosebudsmom]

Hello moms, I am a very proud mom of a girl who self weaned at 5 1/2. years. Letting her choose when to stop gave her lots of confidence in herself. I have to admit I was always a little nervous to just go with the flow(pun intended) but I trust my daughter and she taught me to trust myself. I am grateful that our nursing relationship lasted for so long. DD had her first major ear infection and upper resp. infection after she weaned. If only I could still provide her with those same antibodies forever! Cheers.

[zo's ma]

My olderst just turned 4 on the 6th, he shows No signs of stopping anytime soon! He really picked up when the baby came along...I figure he wants to be there with the baby or he doesn't want her getting one up on him, lol. He nurses more often than I'd like...I guess nursing two I just get *touched out* sometimes.

I never thought I'd nurse this long, I was one who thought I'd nurse for 6 weeks then go back to work. I didn't go back to work, set a new goal for 6 months...then a year. Finally I stopped setting goals and here we are!

[milk4two]

I am tandem nursing my 2 1/2 yr old and my 6 month old. I believe in child led weaning and I don't think my toddler will wean anytime soon. She nurses more than the baby. I hope she does wean around age 4 though, as I would like to have another baby someday and really don't want to tandem nurse through pregnancy.

Adria

[darlindeliasmom]

Hi, ladies. Thought I'd chime in here.. . esp. since DD actually "nursed" out of the blue again today. First time in like a month or longer.
She was 6 in January, and is VERY attached...really needs this anchor to go out into the world. I am happy to give it to her.

Let me also take this moment to salute all you long-term tandem nursers. That is a hard job for many.

[Jazmommie]

Joining the crowd

My dd turned 4 yesterday,she is just this week getting busy & preoccupied playing ,learning,etc & cutting down to 4-5 times a day & a couple at night -early am.
It happens so gradually & is ok with me .
I am so glad to be nursing her when she gets a stomach virus & can not eat foods.I can give her the best antibodies through me.

This is my 3rd EB child so this not new to me .#1 weaned at age 4 1/2 ,# 2 weaned at age 5.

So glad for the support here-I know no one in my area nursing older than 3 year olds.