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This thread is dedicated to Moms who are EB older children - Page 9

post #161 of 520
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Firemom
mother sunshine, your dd will probably talk about nursing for a long time. Mine still remembers and talks fondly of it still. I do want her to remember. My son also thinks of breastfeeding as perfectly normal and I want both of them to carry that in to adulthood!
Thanks Firemom, I too want dd to remember nursing. I'm sure she will since she already has such a strong opinion of it! She has continued nursing again. She seems to be on a nursing roller coaster, skipping a week or two then asking to nurse every night or every other night again. I guess I got too cocky and sentimental, thinking she had weaned...

Carolyn, I don't have two, and dd hasn't gone more than a couple of weeks without nursing (although I thought she was almost finished), but I do know that child-led weaning is often very slow and drawn-out with lots of ups & downs. Perhaps your dd sees her sister nursing, misses it, and doesn't want to miss out on the wonderful comfort. Good for you for letting her!
post #162 of 520
Hi fellow natural mummas:

I am tandem-nursing my two sweet sons. My ds is almost four and my other ds just turned one. I love that I can help my oldest through a lot of difficult situations or feelings with the closeness of my milk (he calls it "this") but sometimes "I" feel like enough is enough. I love giving him some sometimes but I need to limit it. If I didn't, he would have it all day long - he loves it! Now that I limit it to about once or twice a day, he wants to kiss my milks. I suppose it's a kind of "thank you" or a longing for them. Can anyone relate to this? He has resently wanted to brush up against them or just grab them (which I feel very uncomfortable with and he knows that and I have to keep reminding him. .. yikes!).

I truly love doing what I am doing - letting my little men decide when they are individually ready to wean but I'm having a little trouble with the touching issue. ..

I just need to hear from all you incredible mummas who I can relate to more than any words can describe.

Until we talk again, Happy nursing, Happy natural mothering, Happy days to you all. We are doing the right thing for our children, for us, and I believe, in the long run, for society. (wow , that's a lot to ingest!!!). -mumma J
post #163 of 520
Ds has been nursing 2x a day for a while now. He turned 4 last month, and just this week, he has "forgotten" to nurse in the morning two or three times. One day he asked to nurse in the afternoon (to make up for it?). The other night he woke up to potty, and when he came back to bed, he snuggled to sleep instead of nursing - a first! Part of me is sad that weaning is progressing, but then there are those times, especially around "that time of the month", when the nursing irritates me. So maybe we are slowly getting ready to wean together. Nursing still provides a strong connection/wind-down at the end of the day.
post #164 of 520
Thanks, Mother Sunshine - dd1 nursed one more time, and then hasn't asked again. We shall see where this goes. I think she's conflicted at times - wants to nurse (sometimes), but also sees the baby (3 months old) nursing, and wants to be more grown-up than that!

We've talked about how babies, toddler and children all need to nurse, just less as they get older until they decide they are ready to stop. So she knows it's normal for older children to nurse.

But it's still important to her to be 'grown-up'! Children are funny...
post #165 of 520
My 3 1/2 year old wants to nurse every hour, at least. It's driving me crazy. As it is my 1 year old only nurses on one side and not very often. I feel like he is getting neglected because of her nursing. I offer to read to her, do arts/crafts with her, bake, anything. She only screams at me more. It's getting very frustrating. I'm all for child led weaning but really need some limits here.
post #166 of 520
I have had good luck by "giving in" and offering to nurse even more than my son asked. Eventually it got through his head that I was truly available to him, and he decided he would do more interesting things together. He still goes up and down in spurts when there are big transitions, but it doesn't take long to get back to an even keel.
post #167 of 520
Hi All,
we are just at one year now and I have no intention of weaning, I think that as we go along we will find ways to meet both our needs respectfully. Right now he nurses a lot so I don't see it slowing down anytime soon.
I don't feel we're really "extended" but I know others will so I am gearing up to deal with some opposition from now on. It's great to hear from other moms who have made similar choices for their nursing relationship.
post #168 of 520
Thread Starter 
Ekblad7, I only have 1 so I can only guess that maybe she is picking up on your frustration and needs to make sure that you still love her unconditionally. No matter what else we do with them, at that age, nothing comforts and makes them feel completely loved as nursing. It's obviously a need, if she is asking so often, but IMO a limit can be set if it is negatively affecting your relationship with her. Maybe sit down together (just the 2 of you) with a pencil and paper, present the problem, and take turns coming up with ideas for solutions (while you write it down). Then work together to mutually decide on a solution (ie: only nurse after waking, after breakfast, lunch, dinner and before bed, have alone time when brother naps, etc.). If she has power over the decision too then maybe she'll bend a little (and maybe some of the need will be met). I've found the "How to talk so kids will listen, how to listen so kids will talk" by Faber and Mazlish so so helpful. If only I could get dh to read it....


Since you're moderator of many boards, I feel a little funny giving you advice, but I hope it at least helps to know that you're supported.
post #169 of 520
Quote:
I've found the "How to talk so kids will listen, how to listen so kids will talk" by Faber and Mazlish so so helpful.
I have to second that, Faber and Mazlish are great in giving real life examples of how to do it, too, instead of just spouting a lot of theory. They learned their methods from Dr. Haim Ginott and anything by him is excellent also.
post #170 of 520
MY problem when DS still nursed was his asking at night. This was when he was 4.

What I found was when I managed to not resist and to relax into his timetable, he relaxed, became more secure and then asked less often. It wasn't always easy.

With DD I've mostly managed to remember that and have mostly stayed relaxed about nursing. I suppose it helps that I know what's going on having BTDT with her brother.

And that is a Great book. Very helpful.
post #171 of 520

full of questions!

Question 1: 4yo ds is slowing down to nursing only at bedtime. I've read so much about how children are being hit especially hard with the flu ... is once a day nursing still providing him antibodies? Last night he was so tired, he fell asleep before he'd nursed much.

Question 2: do any of you still nurse your child to sleep? If so, how do you handle bedtime when you have guests? We had company last night, dh came home late (therefore he wasn't available to entertain guests), so I let ds stay up waaaay past his bedtime. Company finally left about 10:30. Ds was obviously tired and needing sleep .. and this ties in with my flu concerns too. We all need our rest to fight it off.
post #172 of 520
I'm not really sure about question number 1 but as for number 2 I would just say try to explain to the guests that your child needs to go to bed. None of my kids ever had to nurse to sleep but they all need/needed me to lay down with them. It usually doesn't take more than 15 or 20 minutes. You don't have to tell them that you are going to nurse him if you don't want to.
post #173 of 520
Thread Starter 

Re: full of questions!

Quote:
Originally posted by callmemama
Question 1: 4yo ds is slowing down to nursing only at bedtime. I've read so much about how children are being hit especially hard with the flu ... is once a day nursing still providing him antibodies? Last night he was so tired, he fell asleep before he'd nursed much.
YES you are definitely still providing him with antibodies even if it's just once a day. I imagine that the more breastmilk he receives the more antibodies would be provided to him, but once a day is SO much better than not at all.

Quote:
[i]Question 2: do any of you still nurse your child to sleep? If so, how do you handle bedtime when you have guests? We had company last night, dh came home late (therefore he wasn't available to entertain guests), so I let ds stay up waaaay past his bedtime. Company finally left about 10:30. Ds was obviously tired and needing sleep .. and this ties in with my flu concerns too. We all need our rest to fight it off. [/B]
You are right to worry that a tired body makes for a weaker body, thus more prone to illness IF the virus is exposed to the body. I nursed my daughter to sleep until past age 4 (actually it was more like almost 6, I just don't want to scare off anyone). When we've had guests I've just quickly and politely said "excuse me for a bit, it's bedtime for dd" and put her to bed as usual, no questions asked. If dh wasn't there, I probably would have explained to them that dd needed to go to bed by 8:00 (or whatever time, just to prepare them) otherwise she would have a huge meltdown. That should get them out on time, nobody likes to witness a meltdown, and if they were still wanting to stay when bedtime came I would just say "excuse me for a bit, it's bedtime for dd, make yourselves at home" and maybe make some popcorn and put in a movie for them to watch. ...Or just brave it out like you did. Ds will only get sick if he is exposed to a virus. Allow him to "catch up" on sleep the next night.
post #174 of 520
Thanks so much for your suggestions (and reassurance)! Ds slept in this morning and got to bed at a reasonable time tonight, so hopefully he can "catch up" on his sleep. We've been out and about quite a bit this week, so I'm hoping we haven't encountered "the virus"!!
post #175 of 520
WOW! This thread has been a real lifesaver! I've been struggling along lately tandem nursing my 4 year old (turned 4 in October) and 10 month old and feeling like I was the only person in the world doing so and feeling generally torn and vulnerable to criticism for doing it.

NOW, however, after spending the last hour reading all of your wonderful posts, I feel fortified and renewed in my determination to allow my 4 year old to wean himself at his own pace (and my 10 month old of course!).

Thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences!
post #176 of 520
Thread Starter 
Welcome ColesMom Glad you found us!
post #177 of 520
Thanks Mother_Sunshine! I'm so glad I found you too. I like being in touch with my fellow "freaky moms" as my pediatrician sister describes all of us AP practicing mothers!
post #178 of 520
Colesmom---

My DD weaned at 4 years, 2 months when DS was 18 months old. Having nursed one child *that* long, I just wanted to tell you--- you are in for such a "treat" when your older one weans. My DS (now 28 months) still seems like such a BABY. Good luck and I'm looking forward to "belonging" here in another 6 months (do you thinkg 3 is old enough to be "older children"?)!

Kay
post #179 of 520

Nursing the flu...

Thanks for this thread. My ds is 3.5 and still loves "Mommy Milk everyday." One of the things I am so grateful for is that when we had the flu at Christmas and the Norwalk Virus when he was one, he never became dehydrated becaused he nursed. He went one day without eating or drinking when he had the Norwalk virus but he was fine.

This time with the flu, he was really hot in the beginning and wouldn't nurse for 2 days! But he drank a lot of water instead. I think he had a headache and with the fever I don't think he liked lying on his side to nurse - just a guess.

Going to LLL meetings really keeps my self-weaning goal intact. There are days when I'm so DONE nursing but then I get over it. We had a long run of thrushiness - 2 years! and during that time it was hard but we made it through that too.

I wonder if children who spend their days at home with Mom nurse longer than those who go to preschool or daycare? We have a 3 year old friend in daycare who still nurses but that's the only child I know of. Any thoughts on this?

Thanks,
Rebecca
post #180 of 520
Now that I limit it to about once or twice a day, he wants to kiss my milks. I suppose it's a kind of "thank you" or a longing for them. Can anyone relate to this? He has resently wanted to brush up against them or just grab them (which I feel very uncomfortable with and he knows that and I have to keep reminding him. .. yikes!).

I have this with dd, she does exactly the same thing and I just let her know that this is my body too and she has to respect it. If she needs "warm milk" as she calls it she can ask. But grabbing isn't appropriate. SH eunderstands and doesn't do it to be difficult, more just in a playful manner, but I still think she needs to repect that it wouldn't be appropriate for someone to just walk up and grab her so she can't do that to me either.

Another mom asked about ebf with a child in school, my dd is in jk at Waldorf and she still bf very very often inthe day. I see no signs of self-weaning yet and especially after finding this website, I feel very renewed in my goals and beleifs to be ther efor both my babies as long as they need me. WHich in a way scares me a little when I think that I could very well bf for 8-9 years straight!....lol

DD nurses to sleep sometimes, I find it a bit difficult at times though because dd and ds go to sleep around the same time. SO usually what we do is dd gets tucked in..(she has a mattress beside my bed) and I nurse ds to sleep. If dd is still awake when I am done then she will either nurse or get a massage. For moms who are trying to eliminate the nighttime nurse this has been a wonderful substitition for us. I didn't start it to take bf place, we just started doing a massage nightly with thei wonderful oil Solum OL from Wala, and most nights she would be asleep by the time I was done and not nurse. Now some nights she asks to and some nights she doesn't

I just want to add a huge thank you to all the moms who have posted. I was really starting to think I was the only tandum ebf mom out there. None of my friends bf and they pretty much think I'm off my rocker...I ap, bw, ebf, bs and actually pay to send my dd to school...you would think I was from mars.....lol
It is nice to see other moms like me who can understand my hopes and goals.
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