This thread is dedicated to Moms who are EB older children - Page 26

[UrbanPlanter]

But seriously, if I can say one more thing...

It's hard enough to maintain my integrity as a nursing mother to a (very large) toddler, let alone to receive disdainful remarks from a good friend who is also breastfeeding a same-age toddler.

Now I find myself reflecting on all the other times ds nursed in front of other kids. For instance, a friend's dd who is 6 months older but only nursed until 12 months often sees ds nursing when we get together. She comes up close, peers at him, and asks "what's he doing?" and both I and her mother tell her about it. No big deal.

Same thing with another friend who has a ds the same age but only nursed 15 months...

[mother_sunshine]

MamaAllNatural, I think Joan is on vacation.....hopefully she'll be back with us soon.

[mountain mom]

Hi everyone!

I had an interesting situation happen this past month I thought I would share, get some feedback on etc.

My close friend weaned her boy directly after his 2 year birthday. My dd is almost three and we (my friend and I) got on the topic of weaning. I said I was going to follow dd's cues with regards to that and wean at a slow pace.

She indicated to me that I needed to start talking to dd about this process and get it underway. I really respect this woman but felt that her words of advice were really misplaced.

I did however bring the concept to dd a few times just to see her reaction. I said that everything comes to an end and that so does booby. That one day she would not have booby any more. She over the course of about 5 days became defiant and starting running away from me in public and not listening. She also began to nurse nonstop. It was incredible. So while we were out in the bush this past week, I came to realize that her new found defience was related to this conversation I had with her. So I had another indicating that we will figure out the booby together at our own pace. Her happy peaceful mood and agreeable nature came back almost immediately. Now she is back to nursing about 4 -5 times a day like the way it was before.

I just needed to come back here and commisserate with my like minded mamas. I can see that I am in different territory IRL now. I assume more and more woman will come out of the woodwork (STS) to give me their two cents on how I am damaging dd by extended BFing. Some have even said I am Bfing her for my own selfish needs.

Anyhow, nice to see this thread alive again!

[Mama2ABCD]

Some have even said I am Bfing her for my own selfish needs

: i don't like it when people resort to that comment!

Keep on doing what is best for your dd, mountainmom!!

[UrbanPlanter]

Wow Mountain Mom, sorry this happened to you.

[ajsmom]

That's how it was for us with toilet training! Ds said he would NEVER wear pull-ups, use the toilet or underwear if I pressed him to move things along before he was ready. He used the big throne with insert for the first time 2 nights ago (2 am!) and now LOVES pull-ups.

With nursing and toilet training I have left it up to him and I am so happy this way. But, this place is THE place for support for me with EBF. DH is very supportive, family says nothing, HMO doc said wean wean wean so I can finally kick thrush. The world has no clue because we only nurse at sleep time or in bed.

My closest mommy friend is complaining right now because her 14 mo old dd doesn't NEED to nurse, she just wants to (duh!) and it's "bugging" my friend. I just smile and she says, "I know this is no big deal for you but we're just different." Very different on many fronts so we come here!

I never thought I'd be nursing a 4 year old boy who loves construction, cheetahs, trains AND "Mommy milk!"

[mother_sunshine]

mountain mom, Your post really struck a flash down memory lane with me. I've been in that position before too. Except it was dh's advice that influenced me to bring it up with dd. This happened when she was around 2, then around 3, then again at 6....all those times I went through a period of panick (questioning myself and dd's instincts) and felt very alone. DH just didn't know any better, and we didn't know anyone IRL who breastfed as long as we were, so I think it really scared him.

Dd always reacted with crying and sadness. Nursing meant so much to her that it scared her to think of having it taken away by the very person whom she trusted most in the World. And it hurt me so much to see her so sad. This period of my uncertainty never lasted more than a few days....I still nursed her but talked to her about weaning before nursing, which would make her nurse more and would make me worry more (oh the troubles other's advice can bring, huh). Those were very long painful days. As soon as I'd get my sense back, everything was okay again. I wish I had learned my lesson the first time, and I wish I had the support of MDC then (I did at 6, which helped tremendously), I'm just glad I never totally gave in. I'm so glad we ultimately continued until she was ready.

I think that we all go through stuff like this, where we take in the advice of others whom we respect so much, we lose ourselves for a while, and in turn the advice really messes us up (at least for a while).

[fraya]

Mountain Mama, I am sorry that your friend unloaded unsolicited advice on you that ended up interfering (briefly, fortunately) with your life and your daughter's. It's great that you recognized its impact, though, and addressed the situation with your daughter. I hope you feel proud of yourself after the withering experience!

I find unsolicited advice to be so difficult, especially in parenting! I'm sometimes tempted to offer it, but I try to do so only if the other person asks. I might offer my own experience, unsolicited, but that is totally different from telling somebody what they should do.

In mothering, the only decisions I've ever really regretted deeply are those I made against my own instinct. I've only done it a few times, because I recognized how awful it felt and why. Anyway, I agree, Mother Sunshine, those are the worst.

I'll tell ya', I'm fortunate to live in a very liberal part of the US, but even here, I anticipate discomfort before long. Amazingly, my relatives in the Midwest are acting (at least to our faces) totally cool about it, but they're sure that it's best for me to wean my son now that I'm pregnant. Another opportunity to educate! Incidentally, I was SO proud of my mom, who responded immediately (I wasn't there) by saying I had no plans to wean and she was sure I'd discussed it with my doctors and that there was no problem with nursing while pregnant. Gotta love having a supportive family.

[Angierae]

Mountain Mom, I had a similar thing happen with my 3 year old dd right after dd2 was born. My own mother, who has always supported BFing, told her that BFing was just for the new baby and that she was too big for it--on the day the baby was born! Talk about instant sibling rivalry. My mom knew I was planning to tandem nurse, and even watched me nurse both girls together in my bed 30 min after giving birth! While I was recovering from labor and my mom was watching dd and told her that without me knowing it. DD started acting so strange and screaming every time I nursed the baby. Finally dd told me what grandma said and I was able to reassure her that BFing was still for her. She has since told me she plans to nurse until she has her own babies. If that happens I think I might be tempted to listen to ANY advice!!

[mother_sunshine]

Originally Posted by Angierae

My own mother, who has always supported BFing, told her that BFing was just for the new baby and that she was too big for it--on the day the baby was born!

Originally Posted by Angierae

She has since told me she plans to nurse until she has her own babies.

:LOL How cute!

BTW Angierae

[mountain mom]

Thanks to all of you that responded so eloquently in support of my post.

Things have improved for us. It was just a brief time where dd was not herself. She seems to have forgotten last week and we are back to our regular rythym.

My relationship with dd is so subtle and intuitive. I think any grand statements of intent is going against the grain for us.

I think my method of dealing with unwanted advice is to smile and nod. My Mom asked today if we had weaned and I explained how we both are not ready. I explained that all the other methods of parenting that dh and I utilize are ones of a gentle and patient manner. She then said in a loving way that I was never one to choose the path most walked!

After my conversation I realized that my friend who encouraged me to begin the weaning process also allowed her child to cry himself to sleep during this process. This to me is an epiphany of realization of how different our parenting techniques are. I just could not allow dd to cry and weep in sorrow without helping her. I do not have it within me.

Thanks again for all your support...I am sure I will be back often!

[callmemama]

One of the joys of nursing an older child is hearing commentary on the taste of the milk! Ds and I used to joke about which side had "brown" milk. Well, last night he informed me that both sides just had plain milk. I asked him if it was as good as soymilk, and he said not quite, but almost. So then I asked him if he just wanted a cup of soymilk at night, and he said "no". It was that simple for my little 4yo (soon to be 5yo!)!

[mother_sunshine]

Dd used to say my milk tasted like ice cream.

[UrbanPlanter]

my milk tastes like "a BIG almond milk!"

[mom2threenurslings]

My mamamilk tastes like "sweet love" according to my two year old. She, of course, had to have a sample when I asked her the question.

My 4 year old nursling says that mamamilk tastes "like warm cuddly sweet milk"

[UrbanPlanter]

sad and a little OT: a friend of mine said her son has just weaned, and she never got around to tasting the breastmilk, and doesn't expect to have any more children after the two she already has. Don't know if this is sad about tasting the bm or about the weaning, maybe more meloncholy, but she did mention that it would have been interesting to taste it and now she can't.

[fraya]

I've never tasted my breastmilk. Is it really that interesting? Well, now that I'm pregnant it might taste different anyway?

[UrbanPlanter]

I just remember the one time way back when ds was a few months old I tasted it and it was incredibly sweet and smooth tasting. No wonder he's addicted to it!

[hummingbear]

Originally Posted by AdrianneWe

a friend of mine said her son has just weaned, and she never got around to tasting the breastmilk

Also out there...... If she "just" weaned couldn't she pump and get a little milk flowing to taste it?

[UrbanPlanter]

well, her son was down to once a day and she was pretty sure that there wasn't much there, which probably prompted him to abandon breastfeeding. but you're right, she probably could pump something out....