Wow! This has gotten pretty heated. I have been looking for a step parenting board for along time and have not been able to find one until now.
The reason I wanted to find one so badly is so I can get out all of my frustrations and have my feelings validated by other step moms who have had the similar experiences with their stepchildren. I don't want to gripe at my DH because I don't want him to think that I am attacking his child. I just need to vent, so I can hurry up and get over it. Plus, he doesn't get it and never will and neither will you momof3sweeties. You are not a step mom and being a stepdaughter does NOT give you insight into step mothering. I am not sure what your situation is about raising children that aren't your own, but whatever it is it is NOT like being a step mom. I know that when I married my DH, my DSS was part of that package, but if I knew how EXTREMELY hard, trying, and emotionally draining it was going to be, I don't know I would have married him. BUT. . . I took a vow and gave the rest of my life to him till death do us part. I do not believe in divorce, so we will work it out.
Abismom, I know exactly where you are coming from. My situation is almost the same. I will happily
validate all of you feelings. I know that is why you are on these boards. You are not saying you hate your DSS or resent him, you just need to VENT. I get it! I am not about to get on a soapbox and attack you!
I have been a step mom for over 6 years and in the beginning I was faking it because I thought I had to. I thought I had to love my DSS, I thought I had to be a mom to him, I thought I had to do and feel all of these things I didn't feel. When I didn't, I had this horrible guilt that I carried around with me all the time. I was having such issues with it, that a friend gave me a few books. They told me it was okay to not have those feeling and I was finally able to let that guilt go. Now, there are times when I really do love my DSS, but it is conditional and only time can change that. With my bio DS it is unconditional and nothing will ever change that. That is just simple biology.
My DSS and I have a great time. We do special things together, he tells me things that he wouldn't tell anyone else, and sometimes he even prefers me to his Dad. But all of that doesn’t mean I HAVE to love him. That doesn't mean I can't get angry or resentful or even wish that my DH had never gotten another woman prego before me. (Soapbox people: That doesn't mean I wish he would die or would be taken out of our lives now. I would be very sad if anything ever happened to him.)
I think people need to realize these boards are for support. Virtually hugs and a few "I sorry you had to deal with that today. I hope tomorrow will be a better day." And if you don't have experience with certain situations like being a stepmom don't attack someone who is hormonal and just having a bad day and needs to vent.