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When DSS comes over - Page 3

post #41 of 45

Here's an update.

J's mom has changed his meds again (she's always trying out something different every few months, for the past 3 years).

We'll see how it goes.
post #42 of 45
J turned 10 yrs old in June.
Nothing much has changed in his behavior.
His counselor says he hasn't gotten worse, nor better, he is just more manipulative about it.

J's mom starting fostering girls in July (for the money).

As of June 14, 2007, J began a one month stay in a residential mental health treatment center.
J says he feels abandoned, neglected, forgotten about by his mother.

J is now diagnosed as bipolar.
Sheesh.
So let's see.
He has PTSD
ADHD
Depression
Bipolar

How many labels can his mom give him?
How many meds can she put him on?

:
post #43 of 45
Hmmmm... I'm going to jump in here.

First, I do not think that posters coming into this forum to "stand up for" the stepchildren is particularly helpful. As another poster noted, stepmothers come here to vent and discuss things that are difficult to talk about with their spouses and with their friends/relatives who are not stepparents. I don't really appreciate being told on each thread to "think about the child" and "oh the poor child" and "I think it's sad you don't love your stepchild."

I understand where you are coming from Abi's Mom. I feel the same way you do in many ways. I do not feel that I am obligated to love my stepson. I will never love him like I do my own child(ren). I do not think this is sad. He HAS a mother, and a father. He is not ENTITLED to four parents.

I did not cause the divorce. I was nowhere around when it occurred. It is not my job to "fix" it or to make up for the way his parents may fail him, or the fact that he has no intact family. I don't think this is cold. I think this is fair and realistic.

My son has one mother. It is myjob to be his parent. My responsibility is to him.

Now, this may not be what anyone wants to hear but... I 've been married for 5 years. My stepson is 11. It's gotten harder, not easier. I'm really really dreading the teen years.
post #44 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abi's Mom View Post
J turned 10 yrs old in June.
Nothing much has changed in his behavior.
His counselor says he hasn't gotten worse, nor better, he is just more manipulative about it.

J's mom starting fostering girls in July (for the money).

As of June 14, 2007, J began a one month stay in a residential mental health treatment center.
J says he feels abandoned, neglected, forgotten about by his mother.

J is now diagnosed as bipolar.
Sheesh.
So let's see.
He has PTSD
ADHD
Depression
Bipolar

How many labels can his mom give him?
How many meds can she put him on?

:
This is confusing. You know, bipolar, depression, and ADHD can all be confused for each other.
Other than that, It must be very hard


Oh, OP. I would be frustrated if I were you, too. I agree that perhaps in the future you should explain to your DH that you are not comfortable being the primary caretaker for such a long period of time. I think that is a reasonable request.
post #45 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
I understand where you are coming from Abi's Mom.
I feel the same way you do in many ways.
I do not feel that I am obligated to love my stepson.
I will never love him like I do my own child(ren).
I do not think this is sad.
He HAS a mother, and a father.
He is not ENTITLED to four parents.
Thank You!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
I did not cause the divorce.
I was nowhere around when it occurred.
Same here.
My husband and his ex (H) had been separated for over two years prior to their divorce.
H was already living with her boyfriend (L) during the separation.
H married L exactly 30 days after the divorce was finalized.
I didn't even meet my husband until nearly a year after the divorce was finalized.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
It is not my job to "fix" it or to make up for the way his parents may fail him,
or the fact that he has no intact family.
I don't think this is cold.
I think this is fair and realistic.
Thank you for saying this.
I often feel like it is my job to "fix" J.
His parents have done such an awful job with J.
Thank you for pointing out it really isn't my job at all.
I still do what I can, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
I've been married for 5 years.
My stepson is 11.
It's gotten harder, not easier.
I'm really really dreading the teen years.
Ugh. :
That is what I'm afraid of.
J's violence and aggression has not improved at all the past year.
: I will do whatever is necessary to protect my babes.
I all too frequently fear for their safety when J is around.
I, too, am so dreading the raging hormonal adolescent stage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
This is confusing.
You know, bipolar, depression, and ADHD can all be confused for each other.
Yes, I know those 3 can often be confused.
However, I don't understand how H has convinced J's counselors that he has PTSD, though.
Doesn't that apply more to someone who has survived some kind of trauma, ie: abuse, war, life-threatening incident, etc. ?

Unless the PTSD is somehow a result of H's long-term affair.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
Other than that,
It must be very hard
Thank you for the hugs.
Yes, it's very hard.
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