Originally Posted by spyder
I was told about a week after the birth that I had a choice at the time (info that would have been helpful when there was still a decision to be made, not a week after the fact). Strange how some things escape you when you are under that kind of stress
: Anyhow, I find myself to be angry still with the people who were there with me and supposed to be protecting and taking care of me and the whole situation in general and what it means for future pregnancies. How long does it take to process and totally get rid of the anger and be able to move forward (as others around me no doubt think I should already have done).
Funny how that information only comes out after the fact, eh? I didn't find out until I was on the operating room table that I had a choice and that the dr could have been wrong. I found out at 1 yr how very wrong the dr was and how much choice I had in the matter. I don't think there is anything quite so enraging, hurtful, or disappointing as discovering that the person you thought had your best interests in mind perhaps did not - that perhaps the only interests they had in mind were their own.
I'm not sure that we'll ever get rid of the "anger" per se and I'm not particularly certain that we ever should. We've so conditioned ourselves (as women, as a society) that anger is a bad thing. I think that through time our anger will be tempered, but I think that keeping a little bit of that "anger" or "indignation" is a good thing. It's what keeps a fighting for what we know to be right. It's what keeps us questioning and challenging the way things are. Ultimately, I think it's what will drive us to keep pushing for change.
The way laboring women are handled (especially in the US) is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE - and if you've experienced that injustice you are absolutely warranted in feeling all of the things that you feel. Just don't hold it in. Find some place safe that you can express your feelings, whether that be with a knowledgeable counselor if that fits you or amongst a group of women who've been there. Check www.ican-online.org
to see if there is a local chapter near you.
And, ultimately, join the fight in changing our birth culture! You, and all of us, can help change things so that hopefully, our children won't have to go through what we've gone through!!! That's what helped me the most (although, I certainly still deal with it to a certain degree, especially when ttc for the next one doesn't go as well as the first) in the end - when I decided that there was absolutely no way I would remain quiet. I decided that the only way things would change for other women is if I started adding my voice to the thousands of others who went through what I went through.
I'm so very sorry you had to join this unfortunate club. Rest assured that you find yourself among sympathetic company - only a woman who has gone through our shared experience knows how you feel. Keep talking.