Anger over c/s - Page 3

[Mooney]

Originally Posted by spyder

For those of you who have had VBAC's esp HBAC's, does it help to further the healing process. I thought I was done, esp right after the c sect, but find myself wanting to be pregnant again, wanting another baby (obviously after some more time passes). I've always felt confident in the birth process, did any of you find yourself very nervous attempting it after the c sect?

I'm only partway into my HBAC journey, but I wanted to say that:
1. I wanted a "do-over" immediately. It's taken a long time to know within myself that this second child isn't a "second chance to get it right" or anything, but a person who is dearly wanted in my family.

2. Being pregnant again has meant upheaval for me--the huge emotional risk of trying for a VBAC and reviewing my first experience all over again. I finally got my labor and surgical records recently, and it led to a couple of sleepless nights, and long tearful discussions with dh. But we did work through it; I'm back to feeling "normal" just with a bit more information.

3. About "trusting birth"--I found some insight in reading Birth as An American Rite of Passage--that maybe my reaction to having been "told" that I can't birth was to completely change the way I react to mainstream American culture (thus began my path to crunchiness, mixed with other reasons too). I have never doubted my ability to give birth--everything else changed because of the paradox of having a c/s. I have also discovered an old book: Pregnant Feelings by Rahima Baldwin (of Special Delivery)--It's in the same vein as Birthing From Within, focused on helping you to work on birth-trust and body-trust issues.

ICAN is great. There's also a new kind of group starting up- http://www.trustbirth.org/main/ maybe there is one near you?

[womancaredoula]

re: anger

I'm nearly 7 years post-cesarean and still angry. But you know what? I'm okay with that.

In preparing for my HBAC (due around Thanksgiving), I'm reading REBOUNDING FROM CHILDBIRTH. One thing I really liked was the author's comment that its okay not to reach the "forgiveness stage" but rather be just at a place of "acceptance."

I don't forgive my OB (or any OB) for their failure to learn midwifery techniques in order to truly help babies get born.

In the book the author addresses anger and says that "anger is a gift of energy." I fully agree. The first thing I did postpartum was track down the Maryland hospital cesarean percentages (a 2 week process to find) and now I hand them out like candy to women.

Then I became a doula and educated the heck out of some clients to help them have better births. Not all escaped cesareans mind you but some certainly did because of my support.

Then, when being a doula showed me that supporting women one-on-one was NOT changing the system, I dropped all paid work and became an unpaid birth activist.

My efforts have made an impact nationally and I'm very proud of that. Locally, one of our state's two VBAC banning hospitals recently reversed their VBAC ban due to "community pressure." I.e. the rally we held then the continued harassment I did for the following year and a half. We've already had one ICANer VBAC there just a week after the reversal and she was so happy!

I consider my anger to have been very productive and showed me that that was why the goddess above plucked me to have a cesarean and become one of her birth warriors.

-Barbara Stratton