anyone else have a child starting Montessori preschool this month? - Page 3

[mightymoo]

Jumping on. DD starts tomorrow. Today was open house and orientation. She had a great time at the open house and did finally talk to one of the teachers at the end. Tomorrow I stay with her for an hour, then the rest of the week she goes alone for 1 and then 2 hrs. (She's in an afternoon 5d/w 3hrs program afternoons)

I know she is going to love it, but I'm nervous about drop off on Thursday. They do a car line, so the teacher will take her out of the car and into the school, I'm hoping that will work better than a door dropoff since we've had trouble with that at other schools.

[fireflies~for~me]

I'm posting again...

I just have to say, I am completely blown away by my own emotions over DS going to Preschool.... I really need to get a handle on this and doesnt help that I am having my period. I just cry when I think about leaving him somewhere 5 days a week.

But on the other hand, I think he will really enjoy it overall. There are just so many "what ifs" that this mama has to let go of:

What if needs to poop and needs help wiping.

What if they forget his gluten free crackers.

What if he slips and falls in his slippery slippers.

What if he decides in three weeks that he doesn't want to go anymore.

Please mamas, who have already been thru this with their firstborns, ADVICE and SUPPORT, please!!! My husband is observing that AP Parenting creates a very secure child and a mama who looooves that boy so much!

[CB73]

My goodness, I hear those what-if's loud and clear! Although slightly different in their being so personal, I think my heart is heavy with those dreads, and what-if sadness too.

My update is: DS got out of the car with teacher today (first time) and took her hand, giving me a cautious/anxious look backwards walked off with her, wearing his tiny firetruck backpack. He turned 3YO a few weeks ago....although physically big for his age, he is SUCH a baby in so many ways. So soft, gentle and sensitive. My throat and chest were so tight all day, even after I picked him up once the 1.5 hr phase-in time was up.

(he got teary about an hour into the time, asking for home and mom. They distracted him and he seemed okay.) He walked out to the car, but wept once he reached my arms. I think it was more relief than anything - perhaps a tiny piece of him doubted? Or was it purely feeling overwhelmed?

What if they cannot understand his use of ASL? or his limited speech?

What if he soils his clothing and cannot change on his own?

What if he walks out of the classroom to pee outside (as he does at home) and no one notices at that split second that he is gone?

What if he cries at the same time as another child and they cannot comfort them both so my DS is not attended to?

What if he cries in distress tomorrow morning as we arrive since now he KNOWS what is coming (our separation) and suddenly objects?

Oh goodness, I could go on and on.
(deep breathe)

[fireflies~for~me]

this is day three and I'm still all knotted up...and I am so not this way usually!!!

Is it normal for kid to verbalize "I don't like school" but at the same time be excited to do Montessori things at home. He wanted me to roll out a mat and build blocks with him on it, wanted to pretend he was my Montessori teacher, wanted to clean his chalkboard same way....that tells me that he probably does like it and is just getting used to being away from me????

HELP!!! sad mama!

[mightymoo]

I think that is the case. Today is our first day of her going alone. She's gone alone to things before with mixed feelings at parting. She really enjoys the school and all the activities, she got up this morning and was badgering me about going (she goes afternoons) but then five minutes later she says 'I don't want to go'.

I think the times she says she doesn't want to go is when she is remembering that I can't come with her today. She said that before we came into the kitchen and just now she told me she wants to go and I'm trying to explain to her why she has to wait.

[TripMom]

Originally Posted by CB73

There is a fabulous phase-in period this first week for the new students, starting with an hour home visit that was done last week. Today was a 15 minute private classroom tour that I joined DS in. It went oookkkaay. He was shy and sat down outside the classroom on the walkway, choosing to disengage with me & his 2 teachers....but one teacher was able to sit with him and invite him into the classroom. He came in, slowly with eyes on ME the whole time.

The next 3 days are 1.5 hrs only with the new 3YOs.

Why don't WE do the phase in? It sounds great!

[mightymoo]

Our school does a similar phase-in. Tuesday was a 2 hour "open house" where they could come and meet with the teachers and see the classroom. We went for the whole 2 hours, I wanted her to have as much time as possible. The rest of this week is just the new students (mostly 3yo) and the older kids start monday. Yesterday was 1 hour with the parents, today is 1.5 hours without the parents and Friday is 2 hours without, then school starts normally (3 hours/day) on Monday.

[mamameg]

DD started on Tuesday and she's loving it. Only a couple of tears on Tuesday (she got "lost" in the classroom, but "the lady helped her" and she seemed okay with it) and none yesterday and today she hopped right in the room, no problem.

Our school does a bit of a phase in - this first week is only 3 days (instead of the normal 4 days/week) and the 2 yr olds only stay for 2 hours each day (normally 3 hrs/day). No parents in the classroom at all. We say goodbye at the door and they go in with the teacher. For my child, I think this approach works best. If I were to go in with her, it would set her expectation and she would likely think that's how it would be every day and the trasition would be rougher and unncessarily drawn out. But I do know I'm lucky in that since ~20mo, she has been generally okay with me leaving her (at the gym, with DH, with my parents), so I'm not as worried about her being okay without me.

I feel for those parents and children for whom separation isn't as smooth.

[mightymoo]

Today went pretty well. We pulled up into the car line and I was a little nervous because it wasn't either of the teachers who was there to get her out of the car, but one of the admins, but she got out fine and went in with them. Then of course when I came to pick her up on the playground she wouldn't leave :P

[CB73]

Phase-in is wonderful.

But today was horrible for us. HORRIBLE.

Very long story short....he refused to get out with the teacher and finally got out MY door with me, but she picked him up and he freaked out. I felt completely unprepared as to what to do next...so I started to cry and drove slowly around the building to the parking lot. I got out & heard him still shrieking so I started running towards him. He was sort of swept inside with 2 teachers as I heard his wails fade a TINY BIT.

I stood there, in the grass, weeping and unable to move forward or back.

After 5-10 minutes an administrator came to ask if I would join his classroom since he had not settled down. I went in, held my son and told him I loved him.

We stayed for the next hour, until pick up and we both got lessons and worked on materials. DS1 was FINE as long as I was nearby. Teachers treated me as a 3YO and gave lessons, guided us both.

I am struggling with wondering if he is too young (literally just 3YO), or if this is simply a higher separation anxiety level that our family & the school can work through.

I cannot, absolutely CANNOT have him melt down that way without my response. It feels too much like CIO which is unacceptable in my book.

Any feedback or help or ideas?

[ben'smama]

It feels too much like CIO which is unacceptable in my book.

This is exactly the way i fet when Idropped off my ds1 for the firdt time this morning...and all I hear is how is may "be hard for a couple weeks, but then they're fine!" It smacks so much of CIO to me I feel ill. Ds didn't cry when he left me but the teacher told me he cried during the day and she gave him a tissue. It feels wrong to me to applaud his "bravery"...there seem to be planty of mamas whose children are skipping happily off...if ds isn't and says over and over that he doesn't want to go, do I listen, or do I do what "is good for him"
I don't care if he is in school now or not. Dh expressed desire...I am so torn.

[mightymoo]

I think the energy you project to the child is very important. If you come in with an energy that tells the child you are nervous and anxious they will be too. The recommendation from the teachers at our school (at orientation) was not to go over things to much, to be confident and assuring, and not let the child see your own anxiety. I'm not saying its a home run, but it can definitely tip the scales I think.

I am personally not sad or upset about the seperation, my only anxiety comes from not wanting to see DD taken away screaming, so I made an effort to not project any anxiety to her, I just stayed upbeat, didn't repeat things a million times (I think emphasizing I wouldn't be there was just making more more anxious) just said 'You're going to have fun and you'll do great', etc and focused on the positive aspects like asking her which toy she planned to play with first. My daughter could have gone either way and this seemed to have tipped the balance to an easy drop-off. Hard to tell.

[fireflies~for~me]

Update

Im' a PP and happy to report that by Week two Day Three, DS is really excited about going to school...and that makes this mama so happy, because Friday he was crying in the classroom, hanging on to me, begging me to take him home. I was a mess! Monday and Tuesday, just went in really matter of fact and he feels very positive about school now. It was a hump to get over...it went from very sad about "you not being near me" to "I missed you mama, but I didn't cry" to positive verbalizations about school and mama now.

Yipee!

[sciencemama]

My dd just started this week and I guess mostly I'm looking for support/commiseration for ME! She is attending every day, alternating full and half days.

dh works in the upper school so he checks in on her throughout the day and she rides there with him. So far, everytime he goes over to peek in at her she says "I don't want to go yet!!" Even on the first day, she went right to sleep at naptime and was still asleep when I arrived to pick her up.

I really wanted her to start closer to 4 but in the last month she was clearly showing signs of being bored at home... the house seems so quiet without her and of course I am and proud at the same time.

[CB73]

My update is:

Our school worked with me for a full week to permit ME to phase out from the classroom, since leaving him was completely unacceptable to my just-turned-three son. While I was in the classroom, acting like furniture for the most part -he did great! He focused on work, was comfortable being directed to a teacher any time he approached ME with a question....

but I decided that for my own sanity (WOTH, another child, herniated discs...and on and on) I could not take the time required to do the super-slow transition that DS1 needed. We will try again in January -perhaps he will be ready and willing to go in without my presence in the classroom. We were careful to end his current experience on a positive note...he still smiles about it.

I have no doubt that we are doing the right thing for our son, despite my sadness that he was not able to let go of me enough to enjoy the pleasure I know would have come from the classroom, the teachers and that amazing community.

[fireflies~for~me]

Hi Swiss Mama who is the opening poster,

Our directress' grown daughter is starting as a M. Teacher this year in Neuchatel. Wouldn't that be a small world????