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I do NOT want Inlaws to know... how do you make that work? - Page 6

post #101 of 112
5/4/03 at 7:06pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks for sharing Katie And working so hard to help convince me before you saw I already had been Thank you for the offer to chat or build up beforehand! It is going to be awhile before I tell then though, which I know some disagree with, but I see no need to be nagged about constantly from here til birth... I'm thinking I'll tell them sometime after the baby shower, so I don't have to deal with too much stress from what I'm REALLY thinking will be a big amount of negativity from them. I'd just tell them after the birth if thinking of that conversation coming up wouldn't stress me out horribly during the birth! Because the idea of having my midwives and doula around to keep them from being evil sounds really nice! But I'd stress over it too much beforehand...

So wait another oh, 15 weeks or so and then I can come here and babble on and on about telling them, and what shocked reaction they have! At least my MIL is learning that I won't be pushed around with all these discussions about our home buying saga!

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post #102 of 112
5/5/03 at 2:59am
I am posting before reading any of the responses.....
We had ahome birth with our second child(would have been a waterbirth had she not been 5 weeks early with only a 2 hour labor, they had about 6 inches of water in the tub when I had her lol) We didn't want to tell my grandmother b/c she would have made herself very ill worrying about me through out the pregnancy(she's very ill as it is and didn't need the added stress). I called her after dd was born and told her we had her and were home, and told her about the birth. She wasn't hurt and understood why we didn't tell her. It was hard keeping it a secret all those months, but she did know I was seeing a midwife and just thought I was going to deliver at the birthing center. Perhaps you could tell them you're having the baby at a birthing center and they only keep you 4 hours, but limit the # of people that can visit since they don't keep you long term and may have other mothers in labor and don't want to disturb them. And that you'll call as soon as you're home? That way they are prepared for you to be home soon after the birth, but won't be expecting to go see the baby at the "birth center" as soon as it's born?

We also didn't tell MIL when I was in labor the LAST thing I wanted was that *w*itch on my door step with me in labor!!!
post #103 of 112
5/11/03 at 4:09pm
Totally OT, but I had to respond to the whole housing issue question - I live in SF and my family is EXACTLY the same way. We live in a $%%# slum cause it's all we can afford, but no amount of actual math will convince my relatives of that. Ooooh no. We must just be too picky, or not looking hard enough, or something...
post #104 of 112
5/27/03 at 6:05pm
Thread Starter 
LOL! Now everyone sees that my MIL is really crazy huh? Yeah we've revised "telling them before" to telling them afterwards/let them find out at some later point. Yeah most likely it will be afterwards when Dh calls and says "We had the baby!" And they ask what room number we're in! :LOL

But if my MIL is still acting like a fruitcake we won't be calling them so soon afterwards anyways. I'm not having her nuttiness in my face right after I birth!

I'll still have my huge printout on why homebirth is safe though for them. Because I do realize they will find out someday. At this point though, someday could be the day Orion is born, or a month or year later. When they get all mad we didn't tell them, or they found out some other way, honestly we won't feel the least bit guilty for not telling them. We'll just say something about how much she freaks out and we didn't want to deal with it.

I really like the idea of having my midwives and doula around when the visit, but also right now the last thing I want to think of is my MIL visiting less than 2 hours after I birth!

So I think right now we're going to see what the relationship is like closer to the birth... but yeah we're not telling them beforehand now. Too much stress!
post #105 of 112
5/28/03 at 3:19pm
I didn't tell anyone until after the birth. I called my family a few hours later, and they were surprised (and maybe shocked) but at that point there was not much to say. They were happy that the baby and I were doing well. Who is going to criticize you and get angry at a time like that?
All of our neighbors found about the birth later in the day and were surprised but I didn't feel like I owed them any explanation. For those who seemed interested/positive about the experience, I offered details. And to those who seemed shocked/negative, I just told them how fast the labor was and how I was better off at home with the midwife than having the baby en route. Period.

It is your birth, not theirs.
post #106 of 112
5/29/03 at 10:10pm
man was it funny now looking back it the whole thing. my inlaws (her mom) was a freak about the whole thing. when she first told her i remember over the phone her mom was going crazy. then her mom came to visis and man things got bad. i really do not like other people besides my wife trying to tell me how to run my life so it got loud. she was yelling at us saying how much she loves the baby(like we did not) and all she cares about is that the baby is safe and the safest place for the baby is in the hospital(yeah right). so we finally just told her no matter what she sid it did not matter but the fact that she would not support my wife would actually hurt the baby(a little lie) because it would cause my wife to stress over her feelings. she seemed to calm down. after that she asked about getting our son circumcised. wooooooooo that started it all over again. and that is another story all to gether. but i always make it a point to let everyone know what is going on it makes me feel better knowing i do not have to hide it and if they do not like it i just tell them oh well. yeah it takes a long time for them to see the light but she did and had no problems when we had our second one at home she actually was kinda happy we did. wierd but true.
post #107 of 112
5/30/03 at 10:49am
My IL's were a whole nothe set of circumstances. FIL and his wife were rather suppotive (and now brag about me lol) FIL's mom was behind me 100%. My MIL -oye ve. I did not want her to learn of our plans (even if it meant flat out lying, didn't care) but you know word gets around. By the time I was in my third trimester she was ranting and raving all kinds of things and threatening behind my back to call SS on me unless I sought prenatal care. I thought she was just blowing smoke. Should have known -5 days after my son was born CPS was knocking on my door. I have since forbidden her from my home and from seeing my kids for that fiasco (that did get resolved, but she STILL feels justified in what she did and has never apologized. She wants US to apologize! The lady is crazy)

edited to fix my atrocious spelling
post #108 of 112
6/2/03 at 10:53am
Don't tell me I killed a four page thread!! no! no!! :LOL
post #109 of 112
6/2/03 at 2:47pm
Give it a few hours - they'll be back.
post #110 of 112
6/2/03 at 2:50pm
:LOL -oh yes - the evening crowd has yet to arrive!!

I had forgotten Lisa to say that I had read most of your other thread on the other forum (where was it? ) about your MIL, and now I realllllly hope she does not find out about your HB!! She sounds like a real piece of work! Best wishes to you
post #111 of 112
6/2/03 at 3:05pm
Lisa may very well have been ... uhmmm ... *working on her journal* on the weekend ... maybe she could publish a book someday or turn this into a movie (or series) along the lines of Mommy Dearest and call it Mother-In-Law Dearest. :
post #112 of 112
6/2/03 at 6:21pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Last Minute
Lisa may very well have been ... uhmmm ... *working on her journal* on the weekend ... maybe she could publish a book someday or turn this into a movie (or series) along the lines of Mommy Dearest and call it Mother-In-Law Dearest. :
No luckily this weekend the only unpleasantness I got to deal with was the dust on knick nacks and books in our bedroom we were packing. I really don't want to see MIL (goodness who would??) , but it'll have to happen soon I suppose... we have to give her a check for $ we borrowed (we're slowing paying her back for her helping pay for a little bit of Dh's school) and I'm supposed to pick her up some soup mix at Sam's Club... Hmmm maybe I should just package it all up and mail it to her! :LOL

JesseMomme you're MIL is a real piece of work too!! The other thread is in TAO She won't find out about the homebirth til afterwards now! Luckily none of our friends or my family have ANY contact with her... not that I've told my family either yet though! :LOL They can find out afterwards, because I know they'll see healthy mama + healthy baby and it will all be ok with them at that point. But my family might find out at my shower, since all my friends do know (MIL isn't invited to this shower)... I'll ask them to not say anything (I don't want to debate that day) but if they forget or slip up, oh well. My family knows I'm REALLY stubborn and do what I want anyways!
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Homebirth › I do NOT want Inlaws to know... how do you make that work?