|Originally posted by panda
I'm a chicken, and I would lean towards NOT TELLING before the birth. It's a private decision and it's none of their business, and you need to feel safe and protected. If secrecy will provide a feeling of safety for you on that important day, then don't tell.
A lot of people have voted for the 'telling after' part, and while I can see why some would choose to do that, I know for myself, I'm going to have the worst case of nerves before telling them, and I just KNOW having to deal with those nerves during the birth would be hindering me.... because we do want to see them soon after the birth (within a few hours) and not days later, and I have no idea if seeing the baby there will make them more agreeable to me telling them... Thats why I think, if we told them, we'd tell them closer to the end of pregnancy, so I can not have the nerves during birth, but still not have to deal with their disapproval for a loooooong time beforehand.
I see everyone talking about how much this could screw up my birth experience, me being tense and worried over hiding it from them. I know that I'd still be very tense and worried if we told them afterwards to...
|If it were me, I might make a card.
Thats a great idea! I think since I have my 10 page (OMG!) paper on why homebirths are safe, I'd be giving that to them, and just really briefly say "we're having a homebirth, here's all the research we put together on why its as safe as/safer than hospital births, and we will be happy to answer any questions you have after you read what I put together." With the unspoken knowledge that them doing anything besides having a polite discussion with us means that any further speaking of the subject stops. I don't want to go up to them and tell them that part, because then its saying we *expect* them to be unreasonable (and I know subtle put downs on my character get me upset). So if/when they do get unreasonable thats when I/my Dh can bring up the other part. You know basically "be nice or this talk is over".
I don't need their support, just need them to not be argumentative, and if they can't do that, then they'd loose out on seeing the kiddo.
|Good luck! You've mentioned not having a spine, but from the tiny bit I know about you, you seem like a strong, vibrant personality who does what she wants in a beautiful way, even when it's not mainstream or conformist. But you've done your own thing in the past and you'll be able to do it now (I'm thinking of the tattoos/piercings and I'm speaking as a fellow tattooed/pierced woman.) Some of us dread verbal confrontation but that doesn't mean we don't have strong, independant spines!
Aw thanks! Yes I'm not a conformist or mainstream in a lot of my decisions... I don't know why its so easy to say to someone who doesn't like my tattoos or piercings "Well I like them!" without being reserved or meek... Took my MIL over a year to notice my tounge ring... she freaked and said "OMG! You'll NEVER be able to get a job with that in your mouth!!!!" and I just shot back to her "Well it took you a year to see it!" She privately asked my Dh to tell me to take it out when I was doing interviews, and well we know that those piercing heal lickidy split (I had a hard time putting one back in I took out for 20 minutes) so we just ignored her.
Oh and its really easy to be a non-conformist around friends when you've been 'teaching' them that you're a "freak" (and proud of it! LOL!) since we were freshmen in high school! Anything I do they question I can really just answer them "well you know I'm the weird one" (honestly I do explain things to them... I'm not being 'weird' just for the sake of being weird) and that gets them off my back. Too bad my MIL didn't know me in high school. If she had, well she would be expecting me to constantly go against the flow! Guess I gotta teach her! :LOL