is it right to make them stay home

[chevy974]

My dd who is 14 a beautiful social bright young women has decided its time to go to HIGHSCHOOL ugghh. She wants socialization and prom and homecoming and all that "school stuff" We havent had much luck finding teen homeschoolers in my area everyone recommends churches youth groups but thats just not my cup of tea. I am afraid to let her go but dont feel its right to force her to stay home. I tuely feel staying home is best for her but she doesnt. Any thoughts or ideas?

Amy

[phathui5]

Well, from my point of view, it is your responsibility until she moves out to guide and protect her. That said, if you're not going to school, you need to work on finding her some more friends regardless of what your cup of tea is. A good place to try is letting her take a community college class.

[chevy974]

Yes I realize I need to find her friends. I dont homeschool for religious reasons and we as a family dont fit into the christian homeschooling groups.
We went to picnic for a eschool today and she meet a few girls alot of htem were pushy about there churches and what not.

I dont feel going to high school is the best choice for her but is it time to let her make her own mistakes? Maybe she will like it I dont know. My High school experience wasnt great I just dont want her to have the heart ache I had in high school with mean kids and overwheming peer pressure.

Thanks for your reply
amy

[Alana]

Maybe you could get her to hold off for a year, and take a community college course. Taking that course might give her a level of autonomy she might feel she needs right now...and then maybe next year she will be able to see things more clearly with another year of maturity under her belt.

If you are in NE Ohio there is a very nice unschooling group and they have a teen group that has some fun get togethers.

[papayapetunia]

You should let her go. She might try it and not like it, but will have made some friends and felt some power over her own education. I think 14 is old enough to make a decision like this. Take it from someone who didn't get to go to a normal high school or attend a prom - she could hold it against you forever.

[chevy974]

Well you know thats just it I dont want her to resent me and have hated her whole entire homeschooling experience. She is 14 and very mature for her age.
thanks for your input
amy

[dharmamama]

Is it possible for her to enroll part time? Are there any specialized magnet or charter schools where you live? Could she find an internship somewhere where she could do somehting she loves and also have time to socialize? The community college idea is also a good one.

Namaste!

[marilynmama]

I would let her go as well. If it's something she really wants to do and experience she might really enjoy it. I think I would make a deal with her if she decides she wants to go she needs to commit to finishing the year out. You have given her a wonderful base with homeschooling her this far.

I also understand your concerns about finding other homeschoolers in your area for her. We do not homeschool for religious reasons either, not at all. The ONLY homeschool groups in my area are for Christians only. Not our cup of tea. We joined a group for a year and sorry, we all hated it.

Does she have friends at the school? Maybe you could both go over together and check the school out and see what she thinks.

I know most of the CC here will not accept 14 year olds for college level classes, but that is just how it is here. It might be an option for you though.

[eminer]

What are your concerns about letting her go?

I think it's very understandable that someone would be wanting more of a social life at 14yo. And I would think that community college would be a much more dangerous place to find it than high school. Some people have bad experiences in high school, but others have much better experiences than in the earlier grades. If your dd is mature, then she will be able to decide for herself whether high school is a positive experience for her.

[Jen123]

Originally Posted by phathui5

Well, from my point of view, it is your responsibility until she moves out to guide and protect her. That said, if you're not going to school, you need to work on finding her some more friends regardless of what your cup of tea is. A good place to try is letting her take a community college class.

I agree. So to answer the original question "is it right to make them stay home? " I'd say yes.

[eminer]

So do many people really think that community college would be a good place for a 14-year-old to make friends? Wouldn't the vast majority of students be 18+?

[momto l&a]

In our area we can pick the classes we want to take at high school, is that an option in your area?

I know one gal takes cooking class. Another was involved in sports.

They still are hs'ed though

[cinnamonamon]

Originally Posted by eminer

So do many people really think that community college would be a good place for a 14-year-old to make friends? Wouldn't the vast majority of students be 18+?

That would be my concern -- especially if this is partly opposite sex driven (i.e. wanting to meet boys). Or if she ends up surrounded by new friends who are just experiencing freedom from thier parents houses & bein' a bit crazy.

[Piglet68]

My feeling is that by 14 the effects of her upbringing have given her a pretty strong foundation. she may experiment and wander a bit, but she won't go far past the values she already posesses. I would let her go, and if she doesn't like it she won't feel the least bit hesitant in telling you, but if you make it an issue and be negative about it, she will be determined to love it, kwim?

[mama_b]

If she wants to go to school, I think you should let her go.

[FrederickMama]

My oldest and I went back and forth about it for years. Every once in awhile she'd decide she missed school ( she was there until 3rd grade) and ask to go back. My answer was always no. I, too, wondered if I was doing the right thing
by keeping her home ...... long story short - she thanks me all the time for not letting her go back to school. She now takes classes at the community college and sees the kids coming out of high school and thats enough for her.
Now my 11 yr old son asked for a couple of years on and off and i said no. But we looked into our local montessori charter school and decided it wasn't so bad after all. I will not let him go to regular public school and when he is done at his current school in 3 years - he will not go to public high school either. I have found that going to the school he does has been great for his social development.

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by eminer

So do many people really think that community college would be a good place for a 14-year-old to make friends? Wouldn't the vast majority of students be 18+?

I wouldn't suggest community college for the purpose of making friends--but if the child wanted to take classes, I don't see why they couldn't make friends while there. I think it all depends on the individual child. Some are way more mature than others, yk?

To answer the OP's question, I would let my child choose school, but I'd also make sure that they understood what the school would expect of them, the assignments, tests, attendance, consequences for not complying with their rules, etc. (Maybe you can get a school handbook for starters?) Obviously, it's not all proms and homecoming--I'd want them to have a good idea of what they're getting into.

And, I'd also let them know that they can come home again if ps isn't working out for them. I don't see a point in sticking with something when it's not what's right for you. Something isn't working--you change it.

[chevy974]

Well thank you all for your replies and thoughts. We did a list of pros and cons and the only thing in the pros part was Friends uggh. Now I did explain you goyou stay you dont start somethingyou cant finish. Also I explained to her to recall school when she went about all the rules work etc. I also explained to her that just cause she goes to school doesnt mean she runs around after school every day to friends houses and such school is for learning. These kids that go home to no parent supervision and such is not the situation I want her in. I told her to remeber the NO talking rule at her other school no talking at lunch or in the hall etc. My dd is all about what she wears how she loks etc I didnt not tech her to be like that I am NOT like that by any means I just cant help but think she is doing this for all the wrong reasons but have decided she is mature enough to make her own choices and she is mature enough to handle them choices and deal with them even if she decides she doesnt like them.

I have looked at eschools and the one we went to apicnic for yesterday was nice. The courses offered are great and the ability to start colledge courses in 11 grade was fantastic.

thanks everyone for you thoughts
amy

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by chevy974

Now I did explain you goyou stay you dont start somethingyou cant finish.

Honestly, I think that's a bad idea. If your daughter tries school and doesn't like it, and you don't even want her there in the first place, WHY would you force her to stay if she figures out it's not for her? So she can waste all her time for some abstract sense of not being a "quitter"?

Namaste!

[chevy974]

Because where as my dd is mature she is on the lazy side and my estimation is she will last 2 weeks at school before she is crying not to go. We went through this is 5th grade which is why she is homeschooled. Now that she is in 9th grade I told her to do an eschool I was beyoung my comfort level making a curriculum for her and I felt it important to get a diploma which she could obtain at an eschool. I just feel finishing what you start is what I have always taught her.

thanks
amy