is it right to make them stay home - Page 2

[dharmamama]

Wait, is she GOING to school or is she doing an e-school?

Namaste!

[chevy974]

Sorry if I confused you She is going to Public school I gave her the choice of an eschool instead. I have homeschooled her since 5th grade making her curriculum.

I took her to a eschool picnic yesterday inhopes she would see something about it she liked.

thanks
amy

[Roar]

Whether she stays home or goes to school, I'm wondering what you could do to get more trust in your relationship with her. It sounds like you aren't fully accepting of what is important to her (no criticism intended there I'd struggle to be supportive of an interest in fashion or whatever too!). Over time though it seems like it would be hard to remain close if she's hearing a lot of disapproval from you about her goals and interests. It seems very reasonable to me for a 14 year old to want to have friends and she needs to have good meaningful choices to make that happen. If that is her top goal and no one can find a way to make that happen while homeschooling, she needs to be offered other options where that can happen.

[chevy974]

I think I am totally supportive of whats important to her. My goal is to make her understand that school isnt the big FUN game she thinks its gonna be. You are going to school to learn and set the path to be successful. Its not totally about the EXTRA stuff Proms homecoming and keeping up with the Jones which is whats important to her. And it is definetly not about running the streets with kids like they do here. I just really feel she is expecting to much she is gonna expect to be able to do the things the other girls do and thats not permitted. And once she isnt aloud to run free as alot of the other kids do she will be upset and that startes a whole nother issue. SO I guess adding to my original question is getting her to understand the importance of schooling and the importance in her job there and not the importance in who likes who and what is suzie wearing to school today.
School isnt like it use to be. High school can be brutal. It was for me now that doesnt mean it will be for her and I hope its not.
thanks again for all you input
amy

[mamarhu]

One point in favor of her attending public school at this stage is that she would be out in the "real world" but still have the safety net of living at home. While we want to protect our kids from bad experiences/influences, one day she will be flying solo. If she has had some of the negative social experiences (exposure to people who use drugs/alcohol, relationship issues, etc.) while she lives at home, with Mom to support her in making the right choices, perhaps she will have learned those skills for when she is on her own. If she is suddenly exposed to all sorts of sides of life at 18, with no first hand experience, and with less day to day input from family, she may not have the skills to make the best decisions.

I would let my daughter go, and specifically PLAN that she can quit anytime she wants, and that I could also change my mind, as parent, anytime I felt it was not working. If she starts school, and finds that her peers are less interested in education than she is, that the environment is dangerous or non-conducive to learning, that it is not meeting her needs, I would not want her to waste her time. If after she started, I felt I saw problems developing that I felt were beyond her ability to cope even with support, I would pull her, even if it was against her wishes.

I would see this as a great opportunity for her to test her wings, and for you to test your trust in her.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by chevy974

. My goal is to make her understand that school isnt the big FUN game she thinks its gonna be. You are going to school to learn and set the path to be successful. Its not totally about the EXTRA stuff Proms homecoming and keeping up with the Jones which is whats important to her. And it is definetly not about running the streets with kids like they do here. I just really feel she is expecting to much she is gonna expect to be able to do the things the other girls do and thats not permitted. And once she isnt aloud to run free as a lot of the other kids do she will be upset and that startes a whole nother issue. SO I guess adding to my original question is getting her to understand the importance of schooling and the importance in her job there and not the importance in who likes who and what is suzie wearing to school today.

this is the attitude we (our family) are trying to avoid by homeschooling. I really think sending her to public school would open a huge can of worms in your life. you know what her motives are. having experianced high school you know how reality lines up with those things. you are the parent and even at 14 she is still the child (and doesn't sound all that mature to me) so you still get to make the final call on these things. She can still go to prom. all she has to do is get invited by someone at the school. . . right? same with homecoming. If kids can bring dates then why can't they bring friends? So all she needs are some good friends. well yeah, everyone needs that. so prom or not girlfriend needs to network. school is not the best place to do that though.

are there some activities you could get her involved in that will help her hook up with other teens? youth group is the easiest but you said that was out . . . so what are her instrests? there are usually community orchastras, drama programs, choruses, sports,open mike nights. . . paid jobs (everyone derides fast food jobs but I made some great friends, had a blast, it was super easy and flexible and I learned some excellent work habits. and around here you can start at 14) and volunteer oppritunities. Our gym has classes specifically for teens. check around for secular youth groups sponsored by other organizations (I knwo some earthsave groups have them but that targets a specific group of people). go chat with the high school counselors and see if they have any suggestions.

It is a lot of work to make those connestions and schlepp her to and from them but I would do that long before I let my kids go to highschool just so they can become one of the masses. the only reason I would consider an alternative educational route is to achieve a better education.

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by chevy974

I just feel finishing what you start is what I have always taught her.

I understand that, but I just don't think that wasting your time on something that isn't working for you is very valuable. Lots of schooled children spend K-12 wasting their time in an environment that isn't working for them, and for that reason (among others) we are choosing to homeschool. I don't want my kids to ever have to waste their lives "finishing what they started" just to finish it.

Namaste!