Rabbi criticising nursing as "bad for marriage" (xpost spirituality)

[Gendenwitha]

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/194/story_19451_1.html

[Beeblebrox]

I wrote this:
You do realize that the reason men find breasts attractive is due to the primitive part of their brain which associates breasts with breastfeeding and survival of the species, right? Quite literally, Breasts are for Breastfeeding. There is absolutely no denying that. Your assertion that women shouldn't be so "obsessed" with breastfeeding is like saying women shouldn't be so obsessed with urinating as it turns an attractive part of their body into little more than a way to remove waste from their body.

Furthermore, the AAP recommends a minimum of breastfeeding for 1 year and WHO (World Health Organization) recommends TWO years. I suspect if there are problems in a marriage, blaming breastfeeding is a way to circumvent the real issues.

I breastfeed my 11 month old daughter. In fact, she even sleeps in the same bed as me! with my husband on the other side of me and guess what? My husband and I have sex 4 times a week. Guess where? The living room, the shower, the kitchen, the hallway. You'd be surprised to learn that people can have sex in many other places but the bedroom.

Forming a strong attachment to children is incredibly important. We have become OBSESSSED in our society with pushing our BABIES to be independent. They are BABIES. They need their mothers and fathers. The best way for a child to go off and explore is to know that he has a soft place to fall and a safety net whenever it's needed. Knowing that love and attachment is there will bring that independence that so many people in this society crave. It will happen in due time, but certainly not at 11 months old.

Be responsible with the things you discuss. You are in a position of power. Educate yourself on children's psychology, on breastfeeding mechanics and relationships.

ETA: The only reason I used the urinating thing is because it's always being used on me relating to breastfeeding so I figured he might "get" that reference. I certainly don't think urination and breastfeeding actually compare, kwim?

[aisraeltax]

o.M.G! i just can't believe some of the statements he made. I have watched his show and caught a few things i felt he was too mainstream about, but this isn't even really mainstream (is it?). we shouldnt bf b/c our husbands need our boobies? what they heck for? our dh's ear infections, etc. dont improve if they get to fondle us!
just yuck!!!

[stormborn]

Did he just compare breastfeeding a child to adultery?!? And then say that's not what he was trying to say?:

Must stop reading now

[Gendenwitha]

Originally Posted by aisraeltax

o.M.G! i just can't believe some of the statements he made. I have watched his show and caught a few things i felt he was too mainstream about, but this isn't even really mainstream (is it?).

I don't know, did you check out the poll?

[aisraeltax]

missed that. thanks!
so, not only should we as women be subordinate to our husbands, but now our BABIES nutritional needs should also be subordinate.
men who see us bf and give birth and going to find us less attractive?
you know what??? if thats the case, im done with men! really! this is just SICK thinking!

[ExuberantDaffodil]

WTH??

Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh.

Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair. But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same.

A HORRIBLE article... :

An arguement:
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/196/story_19647_1.html

Well, to be perfectly blunt, the more men participate, the more sex those men will get. As psychologist Aaron Hass puts it, “There is no more powerful aphrodisiac to a mother than to see her husband lovingly engaged with their children.” So it goes like this: When dads support breast-feeding and are actively involved with their children, moms are happier. Happier moms have more energy and are more interested in satisfying their husband’s—and their own—sexual needs.

[Kitten]

This guy was the spiritual advisor to Michael Jackson for a long time. I hardly think he is the authority on normal, ha ha.

[Momtwice]

He has a blog, too, where he shares a similar point of view. (Breastfeeding will make your dh jealous, and nursing past a year is horribile, etc.) There are a lot of good comebacks people put up.
http://www.shmuley.com/articles.php?id=277

[Momtwice]

I just remembered! I thought he sounded familiar. Here are links to old threads about his blog about this same issue. I'm sad to see his thoughts are being published at other websites.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=473328
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=shmuley

[justplainbecky]

Doesn't he have 8 kids? So it sounds like as soon as he felt he wasn't the center of attention anymore, he forced his wife to stop breastfeeding and go to bottlefeeding.

And dads don't watch the birth? Are you kidding me? My husband was there for both our sons births, watched the whole thing both times. I am no merely a 'birth canal', he is amazed at what my body did.

Thats a terrible article, all around.

[MidwifeErika]

This just makes me so sad. I am saddened to see grown, intellegent men who honestly think this way. Breastfeeding doesn't get anymore in the way than mothering in general. Parenting a new baby is tough; they wake often, want to eat (either nurse or you have to make them bottles), their schedules don't always mesh with yours, they want to be held ALOT, etc.... this works for bottle fed or breastfed. The method of feed isn't the biggest issue. I can understand to a slight degree though, I can't stand to have my breasts used for anything other than nursing currently as they are feeling very touched out.... however, that wasn't my husband's favorite part of my body anyhow... so big deal. Besides, he considers the fact that he doesn't have to get up to feed a baby during the night to be the biggest aphrodisiac out there

Hmmmm.... maybe my husband is just unusual? Because he has watched me birth three kids and have breastfed all three (still nursing 2 of them at this time) and he still finds me attractive and interesting and sexy. I think for the people whose marriages break up over breastfeeding it is more that their marriage was on the rocks already and this was just the issue that was blamed in the end. Just my thoughts on it, I know i am not any expert though.

[josybear]

here's a great quote from further on in the same article

"There are certain poses in which a husband should not see his wife. By all means, be there for the entire labor, as I have been for the births of each of my eight children. But I strongly agree with the advice of the ancient rabbis that husbands should not be staring at the actual delivery. That is just too erotic a part of a wife's anatomy for it to become a mere birth canal."

a mere birth canal?

i'd say something, but then i'd get in trouble for foul language.

[Momtwice]

He really hates women, doesn't he.

[Grafted]

See..this guy's opinion just doesn't make sense to me. I thought that in Jewish history, that children were nursed for years... I mean, if you read the Bible, there are many examples of nursing well into childhood. (Maybe 5 or 6 years even!). Sooo.. I think that I will just have to stand by opinion that breasts are okay to use for nursing my baby..for optimal nourishment..both physically and emotionally. FWIW.. my husband realizes that my breasts are for their intended purpose. He isn't obsessed by breasts,..perhaps he is more of a butt man since he is always giving mine a playful swat.

[grumpyshoegirl]

My dh is a boob-man all the way (which I personally attribute to the fact that his mom FF'd) and his reaction to my breastfeeding? "You're feeding the baby, that's what you're supposed to to." And that's about as negative as it gets. He often looks over as she's nursing and comments on how cute she looks grabbing at me and stuff.

[celia]

Just bizarre...

DH used to joke to DD while I was bf "yup... those used to be mine till you came along" He's a boob man all the way too but even he knows what they're REALLY for.

[Mama Poot]

Pffffffft rofl whatever!! I think breastfeeding has HELPED my marriage Sounds like the rabbi needs to get some and get over himself

[sunshinestarr]

I was really disappointed when I found out his position on this a while ago. He has other really great things to say about relaitonships and marriage but this makes me want to .
*sigh*

[RubyV]

I my husband.

His response:

You disgust me and your attitude is a twisting of what is said in the bible.I can not believe that this is being said by a religious leader. Are you saying that children born in biblical times should have been left to starve? There was no formula back then and breast feeding was required if you wished that your child would survive.

In modern times we have the option of things like formula but it is a proven fact that the breast milk is healthier for both mother and child. If a man is too infantile to deal with the fact that the child he helped bring in to this world also needs to be cared for and healthy, is he not committing a sin? Now we have a so-called leader in our faith saying it is ok for a father to not care for his children.

You can still have a healthy sex life while your wife breast feeds and co-sleeps. My marriage proves that fact.