What to do about misbehaving in school?

[sheandaru]

My ds is in First Grade & has a lot of trouble with talking!

We had this problem in Kindergarten, but have always been unsure how to handle it in a gentle way. I always got so angry with him when he came home & had "turned cards." But what to do?

Simply talking about how he needs to be quiet is not helping.

[hellyaellen]

i'm in the same boat.

[phathui5]

Um, talking is normal kid behavior. It's what they do. If he is getting in trouble for something that is totally normal, not malicious, and likely something that he can't help doing, I would think the problem lies with the system that is punishing him.

[sheandaru]

I think that's what bothers me the most. He's always been a talker...unless you give him something interesting and fun to do. Like he's started doing 100-piece puzzles & that keeps him from even thinking about watching television.

Perhaps I'll schedule a conference with his teacher and tell her to give him stuff to do when he finishes his work.

Sheesh. And it's only the first week of school!

[Joannarachel]

Originally Posted by phathui5

Um, talking is normal kid behavior. It's what they do. If he is getting in trouble for something that is totally normal, not malicious, and likely something that he can't help doing, I would think the problem lies with the system that is punishing him.

I disagree with this. "Normal" doesn't make it right or acceptable, particularly if the "normal" behavior is disturbing the other children and disrupting their educational experience. Part of school is learning how to be courteous to others, and not talking out of turn is an example of this.

I also disagree that a six year old can't 'help' talking when he oughtn't to.

I'm afraid I don't have very helpful advice for the OP, as I have not BTDT, but I would encourage you to present a united front with the teacher to your DC. If he senses that you don't really care, he'll continue to be disruptive in class.

Perhaps presenting it in a way that he understands his behavior is discourteous will help him to conduct himself properly?

[sheandaru]

Originally Posted by Joannarachel

Perhaps presenting it in a way that he understands his behavior is discourteous will help him to conduct himself properly?

I think that's what I'm having a hard time communicating to him.

[Joannarachel]

"How would you feel if you were trying very hard to think and understand something, and Mommy decided to start talking about something else, even though you couldn't concentrate?"

??

[sheandaru]

That sounds good.

[mammastar2]

Can you also brainstorm with his teachers how they can present the need for silence/quiet at certain times to him? I don't see how issuing "turned cards" (??? not quite sure what that is?) helps him understand what he's supposed to be doing or why. It just seems to set up a teacher vs student dynamic - which could make him feel puzzled OR stubborn!

[mamaduck]

Yeah - the teacher needs a strategy that is going to work for him. He sounds like a basically good kid - maybe there is a signal or a reminder word she can give him when he is talking out of turn. Something he agrees to recognize as meaningful. I think he maybe *wants* to do better, you know? Its just sometimes hard when you are only six, to understand stay in control and to understand the proper context for running your mouth.

Also -- some conversations about when its okay to talk and when its not. Maybe he could draw some pictures for himself that could be visual reminders.

[sheandaru]

Re: turning cards

It's the warning system that they use (and used in kindergarten...to no avail).
First warning is Yellow, second is Red, third is Black which equals no recess.

[Plummeting]

They take recess away from kindergarteners and first graders? Way to make the problem worse. Jeeeeeez. No wonder there are so many problems in school nowadays.

[mothragirl]

even as an adult, when people tell me not to talk i'm suddenly full of things to say , i'm sure it is much harder for a 6 yo. taking away recess will only make it worse IMO. maybe the teacher can learn the things that are triggering the talking (boredom, too much energy, etc) and find a way to combat them?