Rat's Nest in DD's Hair - Help Needed Desperately!

[eowen77]

OK...my 10 year old DD came home form her bio-dad's house on Sunday {her 2 week summer visitation} with a rat's nest in the back of her hair. : I am not talking a flat matted rat's nest - this thing looked like a bun when I first saw it and is incredibly tightly tangled. We have spent 1-3 hours a DAY on it since {today will be day #6} and have barely put a dent in this mess.

I have literally been in tears - several times - over this and DD is to the point of BEGGING me to shave that part off her hair. {or her whole head at this point b/c she is sick of the whole mess} It is about 2 inches up on the left side and about 1 1/2 inches on the right side so shaving it would probably not be an easy solution either. :

The one thing that is making me is that this whole mess could {and should}have been prevented b/c she is great about brushing her hair and keeping the snarls to a minimum most of the time. The problem was that her {half} sister "lost" their brush at her BF's {bio-father} house and they never bothered to get a new one. {This brings up a whole different set of problems...which I - thru my lawyer - am dealing with as well} My poor DD went TWO WEEKS unable to brush her hair at all!

So now we are trying to deal with it - without chopping her {much loved by her} hair. She had it cut shoulder length a couple years ago and we have done nothing but have it trimmed since b/c she wants it really long. On top of that, she just started cheerleading practice...and wants to be able to put it in ponytails, buns, etc for games & practices.

We have tried several tips - mayo on her head all night, detangler spray, straighter conditioner soaked for 10-15 minutes, straight conditioner overnight, Aussie 3 minute miracle, and a few others. Everyone is trying to give me ideas and so far it has made minimal progress. {Tho I do now have enough of the ends out that we can put it in a teensy braid to prevent it from retangling during breaks. }

ANY TIPS????? I would appreciate anything that might make this a little easier {or a lot easier} on her - and me! Thanks in advance...I am very grateful for any ideas you might have!

Beth

[Kerrie]

maybe call around to some hairdressers and ask them if they could do anything? I was going to suggest the detangler spray but see you've already tried it. What about the hot oil stuff? Or even olive oil or vitamin E? Just throwing out ideas. I'm sure she is so upset and that her head is really sore. s to both of you.

[Melda]

i personally would go to a salon and get a good hair conditioner and comb it with the conditioner in it. I use to be horrible about brushing my hair as a child and would often get "rats nest". I wish my parents would have cared more about it. I think back now and remember teachers making comments to me about my hair ... but my mom never helped me at 6 or 7 y/o ...

[eowen77]

I usually just let her deal with it herself {tho I remind her about making sure she gets the underneath in the back.} because she is pretty adamant about keeping it really long. Once school starts I will check it every morning, just to make sure she gets the underneath. She has had rat's nests before - none like this however - and the last one, she got told that it would be cut back to shoulder length and I would be brushing it every morning and evening if it happened again. She's been good ever since. {about the only thing I managed to get accomplished as far as her listening to me ~sigh~}

I called the woman who cuts her hair {my MIL's cousin} and her tip was wet it...soak it in conditioner...and then use a big comb. It was actually harder to get thru when I got it wet first. I called a couple other salons and they said that I needed to bring her in - but they charge $15 and up an hour...and I can not begin to afford that.

I am going to head back to the store today and see what "heavy duty" conditioner I can get...are any of them close to what I could get in a salon {if anyone know}. I know I can't afford the bottles at our local salons {a 12 oz bottle can range from $19 -$30}. I have already spent way too much of our "vacation" money working on this and need to have some left for our camping trip this weekend. Money is definitely an issue in this - tho I have found I am willing to spend more than I ever thought I would. {and more than I would have had this been DD's fault and not an issue from her BF's house}

THANKS AGAIN! Beth

[my3monkees]

I see you already have tried several tips. But one you didn't mention was peanut butter! We used to use that in the salon(former hairstylist here) sometimes for bad rats nest. You may already to know this, but just in case. Remember to start at the bottom and work up!
Hope you get it out soon and don't have to cut it!:

[eowen77]

I have never heard of using peanut butter...is it basically the same as everything else? Coat/rub in to hair and then comb while still in?

Yes we are going bottom to top...or in this case from the outer edge of the Bun type mess in...trying to get the ends out first. :

THANKS AGAIN AND AGAIN - ya'll have been a great help! Beth

= ME with this whole mess going on...while trying to super clean the house {working overnights and having very little no kid time to clean when I do work = vacation cleaning!}...and pack/prepare for a weekend camping trip!

= My DS's new favorite saying. If he is telling us something that happened that doesn't interest him a whole lot he will start out good and then go "and Blah Blah Blah....that's it"

: = MY poor DD over this hair mess...or = My DD after a hour long session with her hair {we've done 8-10 hours already this week!}

= My DH who I am missing even more than usual this week b/c I'm not working [which wears my brain out too much to think beyond the obvious}, and there is too much stuff going on that makes me wanna and and in general feel

[kathirynne]

Simple detangling solution

Rosewater + aloe vera gel (mixed together in a spray bottle) + a patient, gentle combing = problem solved. (Feel free to pm me with questions about this treatment.)

Put on a story tape (or a video) and get a fine-tooth comb. Spray some of the solution onto the bottom of the hair, and comb out the snarls. Gradually work your way upwards, spraying and combing.

Can you teach her how to plait her hair, to avoid this problem in future?

[VaMountainMomma]

Just sending you some major HUGS and detangling vibes... so sorry you are going through this mess.

(You said you are going through some problems with BF? Not sure what all that entails, but maybe you should take a picture of her hair just in case you need documentation)

[MiamiMami]

Do you have any mama friends that can come over and give it a shot? Some people have a better hand at that.

[nolonger]

You might want to try The Long Hair Community for some suggestions; unfortunately I didn't find them until AFTER I'd gone through the rat's nest phase with my own dd.

You might want to try a light oiling of coconut oil or jojoba oil. I also second the aloe vera gel and recommend large quantities of inexpensive conditioner (Alberto VO5 or Suave) instead of small quantities of expensive conditioner with -cones.

A wide toothed comb (ideally one designed for African American hair even if dd is a blonde white girl with baby fine tresses) is going to cause the least amount of damage.

Yes, it is worth it; a good mind trick for yourself and dd when you're getting frustrated is to remember how many YEARS it took her to grow her hair and how few HOURS it is taking to save it.

HTH

[trinity6232000]

Originally Posted by eowen77

I am going to head back to the store today and see what "heavy duty" conditioner I can get...are any of them close to what I could get in a salon {if anyone know}. I know I can't afford the bottles at our local salons {a 12 oz bottle can range from $19 -$30}.

I don't think spending extra money on expensive products will work.
If I were you I would buy a spray oil in the hair section that is used
to tame curly hair. A wide tooth comb, and lots of time. Good luck.

[MOM2ANSLEY]

Just straight conditioner, any kind. No water.

[heidi_m]

Beth - I used to have hair down to my waist and was on motorcycles a lot, so I had big problems with really tangled tangles! Something that worked well for me was to lie down in the bathtub and work out tangles underwater - you have to be gentle but the buoyancy of the water seems to help and I was nearly always able to get my worst tangles out this way... soak my hair in conditioner and then work through the tangles underwater. Can't comb it because of reduced elasticity, but you can work through it with your fingers... your dd might be able to do some of it herself, or I guess you'd have to be working blind, feeling your way mostly, since it's on the back of her head.

Anyhoo, hth. Good luck!!

Sending you lots of helpful, de-tangling vibes!!

[momma2girls]

Well if you weren't so far away from me I would come over and work on it for awhile with you.

What i have done with my dd's hair:
Get her in the tub
Drench her hair with water get it soaking wet
Pour globs of conditioner on it. Trying to get as much into the mess as possible.
With a wide tooth comb start at the end like you have been.
Work on one section until you have gotten that section untangled and braided.
If you have to stop and break try to get the tangled part into something so it won't get worse.
Leave the conditioner in!
Rewet as needed.
This can take awhile

Andrea

[A&A]

Infusium makes a really good conditioner (get the kind which specifically mentions detangling.) Also buy a pick (usually used for combing through perms) to work on it with.

[13moons]

Originally Posted by momma2girls

Well if you weren't so far away from me I would come over and work on it for awhile with you.

What i have done with my dd's hair:
Get her in the tub
Drench her hair with water get it soaking wet
Pour globs of conditioner on it. Trying to get as much into the mess as possible.
With a wide tooth comb start at the end like you have been.
Work on one section until you have gotten that section untangled and braided.
If you have to stop and break try to get the tangled part into something so it won't get worse.
Leave the conditioner in!
Rewet as needed.
This can take awhile

Andrea

This is exactly what I've done on some horrendous rats nests that my oldest dd used to get. And I will add that I usually had to refill the tub a couple times when the water cooled, but it worked. And ITA about just using the cheap conitioner because in this case your not trying to condition her hair, just add some lubrication to help the tangles come free more easily so there isn't a lot of point in using something pricey. Good luck!

[JaysMama]

Maybe this might sound silly but I keep thinking about olive oil. Can you just soak the knotted part with olive oil to make it lubricated and comb bottom up? I have no idea if that would work or not but oily and/or lubricated sounds like what it needs.

[fierymyst]

Hugs in support. I have two daughters and just getting little tangles out can be a nightmare!!

[eowen77]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the tips and support! We just got back from our weekend camping trip and DD let me do a lot more work on it there than I thought she would. Hopefully the next few days will work out well and I can get it all out before going back to work. I bought a pick...and that is working very well also.

We also got Infusium 23 hair detangler spray stuff...which I am working in as the conditioner starts to "dry up" and this stuff is awesome.

OK so I have to finish unpacking, get the dirty clothes in the wash, and go get food....see ya'll soon!