I'm so scared

[Mearaina]

My dd is 8 weeks old and I have been having problems with ppd. I went through depression and anxiety in high school and now I am right back where I started. I am scared all the time. I am on meds but they havn't been helping for all of it. At night before I go to bed is the worst time. I have panic attacks and I am so scared of everything. If I see a bruise that I don't know how I got, I think I have leukemia. If I look at a mole, I am convinced that it looks different and I have skin cancer. I have been having a lot of bloating issues, which I never had before, and have been burping a lot. So then I start to wonder if I have an ulcer or stomach cancer. I am obsesseed with cancer and so scared of dying and leaving my family that I can barely function. Dh works a lot and is gone most nights. I have a grandmother dying of lung cancer and a grandfather who is 91 who's body just won't function much longer. My other grandma died years ago of lung cancer. Both living grandpas have battled cancer (prostate and colon). My late grandma had breast cancer several years before she got the lung cancer that killed her. My sister has a lump in her breast and we don't have the tests yet about what it is. My BIL is battling schizphrenia and it has been getting to the point where meds don't help him much anymore. I am so freaked out. Is this stress all there is to life? I can't take it. I don't want to go on like this. I used to be so content and peaceful and now it is all such a mess.

[daniedb]

Oh, mama, I'm so sorry. I'm sending so many hugs your way....

It sounds as if life is overwhelming and that the struggle you're having with PPD makes everything seem so much worse. I'm just so sorry. Do you have a care provider (either doctor, midwife or therapist) that really listens to you and your concerns? If you're still feeling this way on meds, it's very possible that the meds you're taking are not working for you - there are so many choices out there that there is bound to be a med that works for you, if that's the way you choose to go. If you don't have a professional that you trust will really hear you and do whatever s/he has to in order to help you feel better, it might be time to find one. Hang in there and remember that you deserve to have a practitioner that listens and helps you.

[justmandy]

I'm so sorry you feel this way and so badly want to sit with you and talk an dlisten and cry and hug. I agree with trying to change your meds, seek people to talk to-do you have a friend or two you trust with this deep vulnerability? That will do wonders.

I'm worried about cancer all the time-lots in my family history and it's like I just feel it-it's going to come my way some day. I've found some diets that help your body work so it fights cancer. thers one based on acids and bases. The one I'm working towards is the Hallelujah Diet (raw veganism), I have a friend who's father is in remission thanks to it. Look some up-maybe if you feel in control of this, you'll not be so scared.

[willow659]

[mamalion]

I've been there too (with my DD). Just hang in there . . . find someone to talk to (in person or over the phone) if you can. I had a horrible time, but I just kept reminding myself that this would pass . . . and it did. That said, please take care of yourself and ask for help if you need it. Sorry if I come off as preachy, but I have such a deep empathy for women going through PPD. It's so hard to explain it to others without sounding like you're nuts, and you're not nuts!

Coincidentally, I am originally from Lancaster County, but I'm in Indiana now. I always miss Pa in the fall.

[LionTigerBear]

Mearaina, I wanted to share with you what worked for me.

I had very similar problems-- a history of depression and anxiety that came back in PPD. They put me on Effexor but that was awful, I don't recommend it. Then I learned about amino acids. They helped my depression AND my anxiety. I also supplemented with cod liver oil (you can take it in capsules) which is pretty powerful stuff when it comes to healing your brain-- it has been used in studies to heal schizophrenia, which was thought to be a permanent condition. Anyway, research amino acid therapy too.

I also highly recommend the book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" written by Daniel Amen. He is a psychiatrist so his first advice is often drugs, but then after that he will mention alternative therapies (including amino acid therapy) and there are lots of other tips he gives, exercises and things. It really works! It was a life-saver.

Another fantastic book that has changed my life is "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die".

Hugs, mama. Hope you are feeling better soon.

[Mearaina]

Thanks for the advice, ladies